[ElizabethIsland]

I never thought it would happen to me. My life was so perfect, or so I thought...we had a great marriage, however, due to my own previous issues I was not very sexual. I have not made my husband feel like a man, or filled that desire for him for our six years of marriage and did not realize what a hole it left in him. He got drunk and hooked up with a coworker, I just caught him last week....it has been going on for three months. He has been preparing himself for me leaving him because I always said I would if he cheated on me. But now that it has happened I never even considered leaving him. This is a major thing we have to work on, but it will not end out marriage, my love is too strong for him. However, he is very confused and is not showing me very much love...he says he loves me but is confused. This hurts so much because I am willing to get over, eventually forgive and move on with our life. How much longer will he be like this? When will he get over his mistress (it has ended). We are going to a councillor tomorrow so I hope that will start to repair us, but it is torture when he has hurt me so bad with the act and is now not there to reassure me of his love. What can I do to win him back?

[Kakie]

He has been preparing himself for me leaving him because I always said I would if he cheated on me. But now that it has happened I never even considered leaving him. This is a major thing we have to work on, but it will not end out marriage, my love is too strong for him. However, he is very confused and is not showing me very much love...he says he loves me but is confused.

this may not make me popular for saying, but i was wondering if u ever considered that maybe he wants the relationship to end? i could be completely wrong, but if he was under the impression you would definitely leave him if he ever cheated on you, yet he did it anyway, maybe he wasn't bothered about the after effects?
i could be totally wrong, obviously, it just seems odd that he is so confused now and not showing you very much love.
Either way, councilling together to talk all this through definitely seems the best option. I wouldn't concentrate on 'winning him back' but more on making yourself happy (with or without him). if anything he is the one who needs to win/earn back your love and trust.

[Guest]

Am I reading this right....you folks didn't have sex for 6 years?

[WildChild]

Sounds like you both have things to work on and a child on the way. You can educate yourself on sex and arousal. Do you orgasm? If not that is something you should work at learning.

However, he cheated. What is he going to do to keep you? You let him off easy on this and you will pay the rest of your life. My first husband cheated and I forgave and he cheated again and I forgave and guess what he did? I made it too easy.

[Sandra_does]

Yeppers, "oh there you are"...you read her wrong...lol

You have a bit of pro and con here, Elizabeth, and which ever thought you lean to would seem overlooking what you already have said "about yourself"...

You mentioned of having "previous issues" and that bugs me... I do admire your thoughts and determination for lasting six years with loving him and wanting to go longer, but those "issues" you mention deter my my mind somewhat... Whatever those issues were, and I assume sexual, they should have been put to sleep long before going into another relationship or at least resolved with your new boyfriend's understanding before starting a serious relationship with him...

Now, when the chips are on the table, you are realizing that you have created a hole in his life... Not only have you threatened him by leaving, but have not met his needs now that you are pregnant, obviously...

My chica friend gave me something to remember always..."Sex is like a game of cards...if you don't have a good partner then you better have a good hand...!" Well, guys tend to grow weary of handling things themselves when they have the woman they married right there at home...

If I could not keep my hubby home and he cheated on me, I would be asking HIS forgiveness and beg him to help me be a better wife... And no, I am not some strange bimbo either...lol I am highly educated as is my hubby and we have decided I should raise my two little ones at home rather than with strangers...

So, what I am saying, Elizabeth, is that whatever those issues are, slam the door on them RIGHT NOW!!! If you feel you are more important than your husband then you need a swift kick more now than ever because now there is an unborn baby between you BOTH that needs a mother and a father...real loving parents...!

You are doing the right thing when seeking help and if he is attending then it's obvious your marriage is not over...I am so happy for that...really I am...God bless you both...

Elizabeth, we girls will be "pretending" to be the wild girl of our husband's fantasies for the rest of their lives, so get used to it...besides, the rewards are endless...WINK !

I wish you a quick and happy success together...and for a lovely healthy baby too...

Sandra_does...