[CHANDLERS WISH]

You can't help someone unless they want help.

He sounds depressed, if he wants to quit his job, life, losing a Mother is very, very, difficult..

He really needs councelling.

Your not able to fix this if he is shutting you out, shutting down... irrespective of this married woman, you do what you feel you need...it's one day, or a few if you stay over with your parents.

CW

[drgnfly]

I feel I need to be here for him. I have asked him if he wants me here and his reponse is i dont care.... Again its not so simple as staying with my parents for a few days, they live over 3000 miles away from us.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You know love is a funny thing. If it's real, nothing will break it.

3000 miles but being surrounded by love is exactly what you need.

2hrs total one week he spent with you, in-decisive on love, feelings, down and out.

Your torchering yourself...

There is nothing wrong with a "break" and in-fact it is exactly what you both need, him so he can see how he feels over a festive season, without you and you for him to see that himself.

You said you want to be with them, so go and stop putting your whole life on hold for someone else, it's equal in life... Two people, making decisions, loving and giving.

He's at a cross road and he's in pain as well and I am sure he has other family that will be with him...

Take the break.

CW

[drgnfly]

Been a while since i have been on... had alot going on.

So my BF of 5 yrs broke up with me in Aug when I was honest with him about a one night stand I had when him and I were on a break of almost 2 months (which happened almost 2 yrs ago, but i didnt tell him then i told him in Aug.) I have been living as a "friend" in the same house with him since we broke up, I have not relatives here and if I wanted to try and get him back I had to stay local. I love him and I know I hurt him. But I have spent the last 7 months proving my love to him only to get the cold shoulder for the most part. He never stopped saying he loved me but it was not the same.

He got emotionally involved with a married friend of his. They talked on the phone all the time either talking or text sent pics back and forth... told her he loved her. When I asked him he said he loved her as a friend....

So in Dec i gave him space and the first week of Jan told him he made his decision or i was leaving if he said he still did not know i was gone. I explained that i didnt wana rush back into the way things were that we both def need change. Said he could continue to sleep on the couch till he was rdy that i would not force intimacy and i didnt want him to feel presure. I gave him two weeks and made him talk he said he didnt want me to go that he did want to try again....

So we have been "trying" for over a month now. And it just seams he is holding back he kisses me but most of the time it feels there is not passion in it... Its like you would kiss your family members just a peck. We hang out more. But as I said he got emotionally involved with a friend while we were seperated and i know for the first couple weeks they were stil talking alot. I expressed how I hated it and he said he would not stop talking to her. That nothing was going on but she was a friend. We had a huge fight (I found cards and gifts she sent him while we were seperated... Telling him how she cant wait to be with him and about how much she loves him... He said he never felt that way about her and that he told her all the time it was just fooling around.) He dosnt talk to her as much but still does. And it kills me.

It just feels like he still isnt willing to let go and fall in love again.... Am i just wasting more time with him? I have been going crazy these last couple weeks being closer and still being so far away. All I want is to be close to him. He tells me he loves me and I want to believe it... I asked him if he only said he wanted to try to keep me here due to fear of not knowing how he will be with me gone and he got upset and said he said he wanted to cuz he loves me and he seamed sincere.

I just need an outsiders perspective I guess.

[Explorer44]

.. Am i just wasting more time with him? .

You already know the answer to this.


Move back near your family and give yourself time to heal from this emotionally dysfunctional relationship. Several here have posted about how damaging this relationship sounds. 5 years? You need to cut this misery off now so you CAN have a happier future.

Good Luck, it won't be easy, but someday you will look back and say "What was I thinking?"