[cactus]

I was married for twenty years before my divorce. As a young man it seemed that every time I let myself get close I was unceremoniously dumped. It happened a lot. Clearly there was something amiss with each relationship but it left me pretty gunshy over the years. I find myself in a relationship with the most amazing woman I have ever met. She is absolutely incredible! She is beautiful, strong,hard working, a terrific mother and absolutely inspiring. She is completely genuine. Her job requires her to be in constant contact with other men. I have no doubt that she loves me and that these men are merely co-workers and that there is nothing to worry about. No doubt whatsoever. My problem is that I need to get past the worry that lightning will strike again. I keep all this to myself because she has made it clear that she loves me and she is a one man woman. I fear that my concerns will manifest themselves in some subtle way if I can't shake them. I am embarrassed by my insecurities after all these years and I feel like I need a dope slap to get past this. She suffered terribly from her divorce and she needs me to be her rock. I need a woman's perspective.

[WildChild]

Be up front. You aren't kids, no one gets well into adulthood without some baggage. You can do it in a positive way - how about love languages? There are books on this, it's about each of you understanding what the other will best feel as loving.

You don't want to say that you are insecure just tell her how much you care for her and want to show her your love.

[LanaBear]

You two need to be open and honest with each other. If you feel that way, you need to be comfortable enough to communicate it with her. If for no other reason than complete honesty.

Like WC said, no one gets to that point in their lives without some type of baggage. Just be open with it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Fear.... will do magical non existant jumps into your day ...

20 Years out of the loop is a long time.

But, pinch yourself, because you actually found a woman who is everything you want, stop fearing and be that rock..

We grow as we get older .. And, we then really do know what we want and we won't settle. We see guys for exactly what they are where flirting and one night stands are concerned. The only main reason a woman will stray is if she is not loved at home and hasn't been for so long she gets sucked in.

If your relationship is strong, there is no need. If she feels loved, she doesn't want for anything, it's all there in front of her, why would she even consider?

CW