[inshock]

...and I love him...

[kaylar]

Primer On What Not To Do


Having sex with the Best friend was on the table
from the first reunion after the holidays.

About two weeks ago, after a 6 hour study session, we had a beer at his place and were just hanging out like normal but one thing lead to another and we ended up hooking up. At that time I had the foresight to stop and take a cab home.

Now as you rode home in the cab you should have either:
1) No studying save in a public place
2) Carry Condoms

It was really good, shockingly good. We spent the entire next day in bed. The only time we even left the apartment was to get lunch.

This is not completely a revenge adultery, a fling, an accident.
This relationship between you and your best friend has been
growing.

Growing because of what your boyfriend did, growing because
your boyfriend is far away and your are lonely, growing because
this guy attracts you.

There is no immediate reason to make any decision today.
Or tomorrow, or day after tomorrow. Let events unfold
without deciding about them.

This is one of those confusing life tangles.
Just as with your hair, if there is a tangle, you take the
time to slowly unravel it, starting from the ends...
the same with this tangle.

The studying together has to stop.
His girlfriend need not have a bad experience about
what might be nothing.
We don't know what is, what is not, right now.

What we do know is that you are supposed to be
doing some sort of educational something..
which I think you should focus on right now.

[nymphetamine]

I know exactly how you're feeling right now. I'm going through almost the same experience except there is no boyfriend on my side. I slept with a guy a couple days ago which was completely mutual. We both made it clear that we've wanted to do it since like the first day we met, but the thing is, my best friend is sort of seeing him. The problem is that she doesn't know that he doesn't want a relationship with her anymore, so it breaks my heart to know that he's still leading her on AND slept with me. She still doesn't know. I don't want to tell her, he doesn't want to tell her, but I feel guilty about it.

Another bad thing. I have feelings for him. I want more than just "friends with benefits" but I don't know if he wants that too. I'm not usually the type to get attached, but this one obviously is different. He is still flirting with my best friend, and acting like nothing is wrong between them and it honestly bothers me.. a lot. I don't know what to do about it.

I've chosen the path to not say anything.. but I'm still worried about the honesty too. I feel bad. I'm not saying that you should do the same thing as me. But you have a significant other. I think maybe since he told you about what he did, you should tell him too. As for your buddy, leave that side for him to deal with. That is not your responsibility, it's his. Maybe that should take some stress off you.

[kaylar]

where the anger is going to come from


Nymph, what is different about your relationship
is that the chap is playing this girl. He's playing
her. He doesn't have to tell her, he has to break
it off.

Break it off over politics, the colour of the wall,
but break it off. Not dangle and dangle, because
it is going to be one of those traumatic situations.

He doesn't have to tell her he was unfaithful, he
just breaks it off. And then, over time, if you want
him; well...you can jump that hurdle, because he
is betraying all the signs of a serial adulterer.

Give you an example.

M & D were married.

M had an affair with his best friend's wife.
At the moment of the affair, best friend and
bestfriend wife had separated over some silliness.
M took advantage.

Later on, during another argument, M admitted
to Bestfriend that he had sex with bestfriend's
wife. That put paid to the marriage, but Bestfriend
stayed friends with M.

Another friend of M, Clive, was having problems
with his girl, Fawn. And M went to 'help', and
tried to get Fawn into bed.

Fawn resisted him, and rang up Clive to tell him.
End of friendship with M.

D knows nothing about this.

Yes she knows that Bestfriend & Wife were having
trouble and M tried to help out, but failed.

Yes, she knows Clive & Fawn were having difficulties
but now got back together and don't associate with
M any more.

But she has no idea that M is an sexual opportunist.

[nymphetamine]

I think you're completely correct about breaking it off. He asked me what to do about it, and I told him that he can do whatever he wants, just as long as he doesn't keep on leading her on. Either date her, or break it off. I still don't know what he's doing.

You also have me thinking about him being a "sexual opportunist". Maybe he'll do it again? Do I really want to get involved with something like that? Argh! I hate dealing with emotions.

[inshock]

i think....

[kaylar]

sounds like it


I'm thinking he is...
I can deal with a man who is dating one
woman, meets another, falls in love, and
breaks off with One and starts with Two.

I can't deal with a man who is dating a
woman, having a relationship with another,
and keeping them both, one of whom is
ignorant of the existence of the other.

[nymphetamine]

Thanks a lot you two. I hope everything works out for the best for you, inshock. I'm going to take your advice as well. It seems like the best way to go.

[nikswind]

same thing happened to me

It happened though between my boyfriend's brother and I while he was away. We didn't have sex but we were together over night and it felt great. We promised eachother we wouldn't tell him cause it would kill him. But I don't feel guilty cause it felt good to finally be with him after all these years. Just feel bad that my boyfriend would be hurt by it. We have talked since then but not about the night we had. After our night it was agreed that we wouldn't mention it to anyone.He told me it felt real to him too. And that he wanted more as did I. But yes I can definitely agree with all those feelings you had . It is hard but I wouldn't go and tell your man just yet wait and see how your friendship grows with you and your buddy. Try and keep it civil and be friends.This has worked for me so far even though we wanted more from oneanother. I feel that telling would only complicate things and my boyfriend's brother wouldn't remain friends as we are today.

[lauralight]

As for secrets..

Your ownly as sick as your secrets....

and everyone has the right to the truth.