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should I tell life changing truth?

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  • should I tell life changing truth?

    Hey everyone,
    I used to be an avid user of this website I used to have a similar username but I couldn't remember the password..anyway... About a year ago I got pregnant with the guy I was sleeping with. After a great deal of thought and sadness I decided to abort because I was about to be moving up state to go to college, and we were only 20 and 19... upon moving up north we continued to have sex for about 8 months after... I found myself falling in love with him, where as to him I was just sex. Around the middle of this past march I found out via facebook that he was seeing another girl and he neglected to tell me. Instantly I cut off all connection with him and he got the point. Two weeks after we stopped sleeping together he got his new girlfriend pregnant. Since that has happened they both ended up moving back home and she decided to keep the baby... shes due in 2 months and just when I was starting to feel better after months of being upset I got thrown in a very difficult situation. I have gotten the advice of a few close friends and my sister, but they all know the people involved and I would really appreciate the advice of all you out there...here it goes.... A little over a week ago I was studying in our school library before class and a girl came up to me who said we had the same class at 11 and wanted to sit and do the hw with me...upon talking for a bit we got on the topic of ex boyfriends when i told her about the guy I had been seeing and how his girlfriend is due in 2 months... when coincidentally she had an ex bestfriend who used to live in our college town who is also due in 2 months....we realized her ex best friend and my ex bf are seeing eachother... upon talking for a while I discovered that the girl my ex is seeing who is pregnant also was having sex with another guy (unprotected) around the 2 weeks she was told she conceived... my ex bf and his family are well of his dad owns a successful business and basically save his ******* every time he messes up, where as she comes from a broken family who has very little money and she moves from boyfriend to boyfriend and never has her own place. along with those shocking things I learned all this other stuff about how she lies to him about everything and how there is a very possible chance that the baby due soon is not his. Since I heard this all my friends have been telling me i have to tell him...but the other part of me thinks well he cheated on me and he deserves to learn the hard way. I'm torn though because there is an innocent child who is being put at the risk of not even knowing his real father. Since my ex and the other guy have very similar features there is a chance that knowone will ever know except me, her ex best friend, her and the other guy. so my question is do i tell, and give him the chance to go back to college and improve his life, and get a second chance possibly? or do I keep my mouth shut and not get involved? PLEASE HELP! times running out!

  • I am sure you can ask for your password again or alternatively get a new one, speak to Little in that regard, because your old account is worth continuing with and this one deleted.

    Onto your situation.

    Firstly, she is 5 months pregnant so 4 months isn't going to cause any further damage, let her have the baby so the baby is safe and there's no trauma going on would be my first port of call/thoughts.

    Secondly, revenge is not a good thing to use in anyone's life. What will be will be.

    If you state something you will come across as jealous anyway.

    After the baby is born, you can send an anonymous note stating, get a paternity test, this is all I am saying...

    Then leave it up to him to decide whether the note is worthwhile or not to listen to..

    Welcome back

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

    Comment


    • I have to agree with CW, if you tell him and it turns out the baby is his you'll drive a wedge even deeper than what is already here. Revenge can be quite gratuitous, but it is very short-lived. You would be much better off waiting until the baby is born and then letting him know what you think he should know. Unfortunately, the baby is always the one that gets the short end of the stick. Be wise in what you choose for the harm we do can come back to harm you!

      Best of luck!
      Be the change you want to see in the world!

      Comment


      • i would just stay out of it, you have broken up and moved on,let him handle his own business. if he signs the birth certificate without a blood test,he assumes responsibility wether or not its his.
        it will work itself out.

        Comment


        • I agree to a certain extent but also feel that now you're out of the picture and should stay out. Really it's no longer your business, obligation, or responsibility what happens with him. Additionally once the baby is born the only potential difference is that this new child's life might start out rocky which I think is a sad thing.

          Let these people work out their own lives and karma and you go on with yours and be happy. I wouldn't send any kind of note or really have any more contact with them if possible because it's really no longer your business.
          Do not dwell in the past,
          do not dream of the future,
          concentrate the mind on the present moment.

          -Lord Buddha

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Miya View Post
            I agree to a certain extent but also feel that now you're out of the picture and should stay out. Really it's no longer your business, obligation, or responsibility what happens with him. Additionally once the baby is born the only potential difference is that this new child's life might start out rocky which I think is a sad thing.

            Let these people work out their own lives and karma and you go on with yours and be happy. I wouldn't send any kind of note or really have any more contact with them if possible because it's really no longer your business.
            exactly... worrying over other peoples drama just stresses you out for no reason.

            Comment


            • You don't know it's true. It isn't your business. Leave it alone.

              Comment


              • It doesn't sound like it's even a fact that the baby isn't his. Even if you did know 100% that it isn't... It's not your place to say anything. It doesn't affect your life in any way, just theirs. Plus CW is right, no matter what your intentions are, an ex letting this type of thing out is risky and you will just come off as bitter. I'd say let it go.
                [FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"][/FONT]
                [CENTER]I've got to be direct
                If I'm off please correct
                You're standing on my neck....[/CENTER]

                Comment


                • You are not gaining anything by telling him. You don't wish to have him back do you? Move on with your life, let them live theirs. It will all come up and bite them in the butt eventually.

                  Comment


                  • It's hearsay from an EX best friend, ex being the operative word here. You don't know if she has an axe to grind or if she is telling you the truth. Either way, it isn't your business nor your burden to bear. Go on about your life getting over this guy, forget what you heard... take it as gossip. He's a big boy and if he hasn't been exclusive with her or her with him I'm sure he already is aware of the possibilities and either doesn't care or is handeling it his own way.
                    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

                    Comment


                    • WOW thanks everyone for the feedback, not one person said to tell. Where as all my friends said tell. Its good to have an outside perspective thats why I love Women's health... All of you said it perfectly....and to the T why I wouldnt want to tell...the only thing that was pulling me twords telling is the fact that he could go back to college and start with a clean slate, also that the baby would know his real father. Also alot of other factors s/a his parents are well off and the other guy doesn't have alot of money at all so it is obvious that the girl chose the guy that has the $...I just found it so ironic out of the like 3,000+ people that attend my big school that I would so happen to meet this girls ex best friend... it was just so ironic and also the fact that my friend gave me a tarot card reading after I found out and my card of the day was pregnancy... so many signs its wierd... Also it is not a matter of me having feelings for him again, because I don't I have already begun seeing someone else, I just have felt bad lately because the things that I know could change the course of an innocent life, I have a soft spot in my heart for the child and all children in general and I just felt guilty knowing all this....

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Miya View Post
                        I agree to a certain extent but also feel that now you're out of the picture and should stay out. Really it's no longer your business, obligation, or responsibility what happens with him. Additionally once the baby is born the only potential difference is that this new child's life might start out rocky which I think is a sad thing.

                        Let these people work out their own lives and karma and you go on with yours and be happy. I wouldn't send any kind of note or really have any more contact with them if possible because it's really no longer your business.
                        Exactly. Could not have said it better.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Dollface007 View Post
                          the baby would know his real father...

                          I just have felt bad lately because the things that I know could change the course of an innocent life, I have a soft spot in my heart for the child and all children in general and I just felt guilty knowing all this....
                          Just another thought about this though...if he treats the child and in all way shape and form as his own (which it very well may be) then this WOULD be the child's real father. The things you "may" know could be detrimental to not just this child but everyone involved. Again, I think it's best you just stay out of it all and let their fates be what they may.
                          Do not dwell in the past,
                          do not dream of the future,
                          concentrate the mind on the present moment.

                          -Lord Buddha

                          Comment

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