[emily100]

basically, they are having an open relationship but it is against her will. But he loves us both. I want more inorder to continue seeing him and she would prefer that he not see me at all but has not put her foot down. He said will increase the time he spends with me as he knows I will walk if not. I did not issue an ultimatum but simply said that once a week is not enough for me. The gf and I know each other and like each except for the pain and anger now. I tried to end it but it was too hard. What to do? What is going on here?

[WildChild]

What is going on is, you're letting him eat his cake and have it too.
Are you both having sex with him?

[KMonte85]

He's got the best of both worlds now! A girlfriend at home and some loving on the side.

If he was planning on leaving his girlfriend for you, he would have done so already.

Whatever he has going on w/ his girlfriend is not an "open relationship." BOTH parties in the relationship need to be okay with that situation, and she definitely is not. This is him cheating on his girlfriend, who is too mentally or emotionally weak to dump him. He knows that and takes advantage.

You would be best off finding someone unattached who is going to give you his full attention and love. With this situation, you will always be second best.

[Guest]

Why would any self respecting person let this go on.

He's using both of you. One for emotional support, and the other for sex.

He'll keep this up as long as you two, or three, or four will tolerate it.

Anyone willing to do this isn't a good potential mate.

You should walk.

[ThexMrs]

Why would any self respecting person let this go on.

He's using both of you. One for emotional support, and the other for sex.

He'll keep this up as long as you two, or three, or four will tolerate it.

Anyone willing to do this isn't a good potential mate.

You should walk.

I agree 100%. Also, I agree with what Kmonte said. All parties involved have to be okay with the open relationship. This is against her will therefore, she's not okay and he's doing what he wants because he's selfish. He wants to have his cake and eat it to as WC said.

Get out!

[Haven]

Whatever he has going on w/ his girlfriend is not an "open relationship." BOTH parties in the relationship need to be okay with that situation, and she definitely is not. This is him cheating on his girlfriend, who is too mentally or emotionally weak to dump him. He knows that and takes advantage.

Agreed.

It's not on you to get out of the relationship with this guy. If you really want him, you can have him, because his girlfriend is too weak to do anything about it.

You can probably do better, though. OTYA makes a good point about how someone who's willing to do something like this isn't a good potential mate. I was originally going to suggest teaming up with his girlfriend and asking him to make a choice, but if you did that, you might get stuck with his cheating butt.

You might think, "He wouldn't cheat on ME!", but you never know. It's too early to tell whether or not he developed a taste for having his cake and eating it too.

Walking away from this situation is a good, safe move. You stay friends with everyone, and like KMonte said, you also open the door to someone unattached who is going to give you his full attention and love.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's very difficult to let go of a relationship, more so when, one party has let go, but gives you mixed signals by keeping you there. He could have been your first boyfriend or he may have been your longest and you find that very difficult to let go.

Coupled with the fact that "he" told you it's an open relationship, in reality that's not the case, he has simply told this girl "your not my full girlfriend yet", I am not ready and I am still seeing my ex. She has agreed, purely in hope that he will get past that and make her exclusive.. So she is suffering as well.

Meanwhile, he's making you feel like "maybe" there is a chance "later" that you'll get back together, and so you commence with aiming at more than once a week, it's like a game, which girl is going to win?

Not a nasty game, more natural than you know, but never the less, it's a game....

And, he's the one playing it, on both of you...

The reality of it is, both of you girls should realise your self worth and say no way. And, walk. What your failing to see, is every word he says to you to keep you, he says to her to keep her and then what is he telling his mates?

Have a think.

CW

[caterpillar79]

He is not the type of man I would entrust my heart with. I'd rather walk away and mend my broken heart once and for all - on my own, rather than allow myself to be wounded all the time, over and over. Whether he chooses to leave her or stay with you is no longer a concern for me (if I were you). Why, you would ask? It would be hard to trust such a man who displayed such a very weak attitude when it comes to BEING a man with dignity.

[tritonalum07]

Honestly, both of you are wrong for doing this to her. She should dump him, and he should dump you. Would you like it if you were in a relationship with someone who forced it to be open and he went and messed around with his ex? If he really cared about her, he would have told you to peace out, and if he really cared about you, he would have left her to be with you. He sounds like a jerk.

[caterpillar79]

He really is one BIG JERK. It makes me so upset thinking about how could a guy do such thing, and you allow him to do it - or shall I say, you support him in doing it... (I am just really ticked)