[KMonte85]

If you trust that his actions are purely out of insecurity, and not because he is trying to get dirt on you for any future split, then you need to flat out tell him that what he is doing is unacceptable.

You shouldn't need to make anyone try to understand why you need privacy.. that is just a given. We all desire to keep some things to ourselves, that is normal. His behavior is out of the norm so making him try to understand might not be possible. You just need to say "Look, you have no reason to need to spy on me and I need my privacy. Case closed." Then you have your computer cleaned professionally by someone who can get in all the nooks and cranies of your hard drive to remove everything he put in there to watch you.

If it were me I would go one step further and set myself up as the administrator of that computer so that NO ONE could use it unless I unlocked it myself for their use and sat there the whole time they were on it. A few weeks of monitored, zero privacy computer use would make someone a lot more understanding of why privacy is so valued. Its not that anyone is trying to hide anything, it is just the idea of being watch/monitored that drives us all nuts.

But that's just me.. you need to do what you think is right.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I didn't think he did it to "screw you over" rather, trying to see what your going to do, thinking you will walk, and therefore, the assets in this situation is his living arrangements, he would have nothing, he would be out on the streets..

That may be in-security, but he's holding you prisoner is he not? Seeing if you email family, friends, tell them your leaving, you can't even express or communicate how you feel..

So once you type a reply here can he then read it?

Or are you having to live like a prisoner there, and keep re-signing in and then ensuring that's not on the computer as the last thing you did?

CW

[MissingNaction]

I do feel like a prisioner. I have to use my work computer to even post on this site. I really want to work it out but I have serious doubts about our relationship. I want our marriage to be healthy. I just don't know how to get there.

[Guest]

Protect yourself first as WC recommends. Then tell him what you have done and remind him, HE's the one that needs to prove himself, HE's the one that cheated. HE's the one that not only took your trust, your privacy, your LIFE. It will never be the same and will take a monumental effort on his part to make things, not right, but better. If he loves you he will, if he was planning to leave and now knows the jig is up, you will see the relationship deteriorate rapidly and the answer will be obvious.