[nubianqueen]

Currently, I am in this situation where I feel like something aint right in my relationship with my bf. We have been together for several years now, and I feel that like there is this gut feeling that something isn't right, or something is missing. Unfortunately, I no longer feel that sense of excitement that I used to feel...I wonder if it is due to the fact that we've been together so long, or is it other things. Also, it seems as thought my parents see stuff that I am not able to see (and I don't even give them a whole lot of details as to what's going on in my personal life). For example, my dad said that he has a bad feeling that things are bad between me and my bf (which is so true!!). I'm thinking like, how did he know that??!! Also, he has told me many times that he doesn't feel that my current bf is right for me, that I need to be with someone who is on my level. I am really scared now b/c I don't want to look back on my life years down the road wondering what the heck did I just do! Especially if my dad tried to warn me many times before.

[caterpillar79]

What do you think is wrong? Might it be that you are just in a rut?

What does your gut tell you?

[Mes T]

Unfortunately... ... Parents, as well as outside observers in general, can definitely pick up on things that we don't see and tell us certain truths that we don't want to hear!

Have a more detailed talk about this with your dad, as well as other people close to you, and have them analyze your relationship for you. It will do a lot of good to be able to see your situation from a bunch of other people's points of view.

And yes, that "spark" can vanish with time, which is why couples need to engage in activities together that keep the relationship interesting and form a deep bond that is a hundred times more satisfying than the beginning infatuation stages of being with someone.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Aren't you both living at present with your Dad?

Your Dad knows you had a hard time with long distance, and probably that your boyfriend isn't happy being where he is and want's to go back again.

Did you actually sort that out and get some answers?

It sounds to me that you have a job and college off by memory and he is still working out "who" he is... he hates his job and where he is at present.

Yet, you have a life ahead of you and I think your Father is just protecting that sweet.

CW

[nubianqueen]

In response to catepillar79's question: I feel like I cant quite put my finger on it. I look around at other people who are married or about to be married and they look like they're so in sync with each other. I dont knw if I feel the same way with mine at this point. Also, it really bugs me that most of my family and friends are saying the same thing: I don't think he is right for you because you guys are so different. We do come from two totally different backgrounds: he grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, I grew up in suburbia. I grew up in a loving two parent household, and him, not so much. I am VERY family oriented, him, not as much; etc, etc.... I used to not worry about those things in the past, but now as I have gotten older, I notice that we do not see eye to eye on a lot of things based on how we were raised. Because of that, I wonder if that's how things are always and forever going to be.

[Ashlee T.]

Thought parents aren't ALWAYS right...I can safely say that my mom has been right 99%of the time when it has come to my relationships. And she loves it that I'm now old enough to admit that and give credit where credit is due. She often saw things and "predicted" things that I thought were SOOOO wrong, but turned out to be SOOOO right! I think that when someone loves you as strongly as a parent loves their child, they see the little things that no one else sees. Protective instinct maybe.

What is truly important here is how you feel. Somethings missing? Can't put your finger on it? Well, it's not really necessary to put your finger on it. Sometimes two people just aren't right for each other, doesn't mean either of them are bad people or not worthy of a loving relationship. There doesn't have to be a concrete reason to walk away....your happiness is enough of a reason my friend. Follow your heart, and never settle.

[sourpuss]

Do you feel like you don't have the same goals for your future together? Or are you just worried about what other people think? That's a serious question that you should ask yourself.
If no one had said anything, would you still feel like he's not the one for you? What if everyone thought he was great? Are you worried about what people think of his background?

I think you need to step outside yourself and really think about exactly how YOU feel about him and not anyone else. Then you can get to the real root of why you are feeling this way.

Of course, it's always good to listen to your loved ones. But definitely think it through with a level head and understand WHY they are saying those things. Is it because they've seen something in his behavior that they think isn't suited to you or is it because they think you deserve someone who had a better upbringing?

[nubianqueen]

Do you feel like you don't have the same goals for your future together? Or are you just worried about what other people think? That's a serious question that you should ask yourself.
If no one had said anything, would you still feel like he's not the one for you? What if everyone thought he was great? Are you worried about what people think of his background?

I think you need to step outside yourself and really think about exactly how YOU feel about him and not anyone else. Then you can get to the real root of why you are feeling this way.

Of course, it's always good to listen to your loved ones. But definitely think it through with a level head and understand WHY they are saying those things. Is it because they've seen something in his behavior that they think isn't suited to you or is it because they think you deserve someone who had a better upbringing?

That's where my major dilemma lies: WHY my family feels the way they do about him. At first I would have said it was because they had a "preference" of who they wanted me to be with. Now,I guess it's a combination of both: they feel I need to be with someone who had a better upbringing AND it's because they have noticed a thing or two about him that's a little unsettling to them. Now, my bf and i are the only ones who know the REAL reason as to why some of the things happened the way they did. It's just that now that I am older, I can't help but wonder, are we going to clash and have major problems 10 years down the line because of our different backgrounds?? Example: I may want my kids brought up a certain way because of how I was raised, and he may have something completely different in mind.

[nubianqueen]

Thought parents aren't ALWAYS right...I can safely say that my mom has been right 99%of the time when it has come to my relationships. And she loves it that I'm now old enough to admit that and give credit where credit is due. She often saw things and "predicted" things that I thought were SOOOO wrong, but turned out to be SOOOO right! I think that when someone loves you as strongly as a parent loves their child, they see the little things that no one else sees. Protective instinct maybe.

What is truly important here is how you feel. Somethings missing? Can't put your finger on it? Well, it's not really necessary to put your finger on it. Sometimes two people just aren't right for each other, doesn't mean either of them are bad people or not worthy of a loving relationship. There doesn't have to be a concrete reason to walk away....your happiness is enough of a reason my friend. Follow your heart, and never settle.

....and I guess that's what worries me the most!!! first of all, how in the world did my dad knw about what was going on, even though I NEVER said a word about anything? second, my mom is like that too....a lot of the time, what she says makes a lot of sense and she is right about the outcome! I definitely understand that parents want what's best for their child, and they have no reason to lie to you (at least that's why my mom always tells me X-D). It's just that he and I have always discussed a future together and we do love each other very much, but this situation here is just so complicated!!