[Guest]

i think we can safely guess that you got it from him, and he got it elsewhere. does it really matter which someone he got it from or what specific sex act caused it?

or is it more important to know what the STD is and make sure you do what you can now to protect the health of your baby, yourself, and your husbands.

don't misunderstand me, i do kind of get the wanting to know part. but if things are going better and stuff like that won't happen again, how does knowing that help protect your child. your baby's health and making sure there are no outstanding health issues are #1.

[Hopeless Dork]

I completely understand your desire to know... I'd want to know , even if it would make me feel worse.. even if it would do more harm than good I'd want the most clear picture possible as to not have to wonder, to take the power from the uncertainty. But the truth is, you'll never know. Even if he sat down and told you about a handful of more incidents... you'll always wonder okay is that all? Is there more? Once a person has lied in the first place, its hard to believe that they will all of a sudden magically turn into beacons of honesty and morality.

Everything he is now, he was then, he may alter his behaviors and learn to control impulses but it wasn't your fault then, its not now, it won't be in the future if he does it again.

It sounds like you want this to work and it will not work if you keep reliving it in your head. You'll never go back to what you had before you knew, get that out of your mind, it won't happen unless they invent one of those brainwashing memory erasing machines... it'll always be there, somewhere.

Does that mean its hopeless if you can't go back? Nope not at all. You can start a NEW relationship with this same man, starting from the day he said he was going to try to be a better husband. Starting from right there. A new beginning. A second chance with the one you love enough to offer one to.

If you try to view this what you have now as new, not taking away from all the time you shared before the bad... but a new, a new and fresh start, it won't matter to you as much what was done before because that was a different relationship. Same man, but another period in time, a past that can't be altered. What your in now is new, judge him for how he behaves now, trust him with what you would to a new relationship. If he betrays it again... you might decide a third time chance may not be possible.

But don't live your day to day life wondering what your gonna do if he messes up. Thats a horrible way to live. Instead live like you did before you knew, love like you did before you knew, and trust like you did before you knew, don't let fear rule your life, your happiness.

[Jaime]

How can I rebuild trust and our relationship if I know he still isn't being honest. When he says, "that was the only time." It is clear that is a lie. He has been able to lie so good over the last 10 years that it really scares me. I have told him and told him that I have to know everything. I need an explanation about the STD. I don't believe it is something either of us had before we were married. I want us to stay together. I want our family to stay together. And I want to be able to trust what my husband tells me. Any lie, even the smallest lie, is still a lie and I hate it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Some people are carriers of some STD's that can lay dormant for years....

What was the STD?

[Jaime]

Sadly, it is herpes. Several years ago, about 4-5 years into our marriage, he had a sore on his penis. I never even thought about it being an STD. Around that time, there were allegations that he had an affair. He denies it strongly. He has had 2 more outbreaks since then. Last one was about 1 year ago. I got something when I was 5 months pregnant. The doctor said that he thought it was herpes. I was ****ed. Confronted my husband. He was so mad that I would dare think that he would cheat on me. It came up negative for herpes. My husband made me apologize over and over again because he was hurt that I didn't trust him. Blah blah blah. I felt awful to blaming him. A few weeks later, another outbreak. This time it was positive. I just took my husbands word about being faithful and believed that we must have had it before we got married and it took 10 years for me to have an outbreak. Then, months later I found out about the escort. He claims that it was only oral sex. I emailed her and she denied sex too. He stands by his claim that nothing else has ever happened. I just can't believe it. I think the rumors where true.