[Na-Na]

Personally, I see the marriages as being the sticking point here, not the age. Maybe the two of you should work out your marriage issues before you start looking to do anything together. Take a bit of a break from each other, maybe. I definitely recommend not acting on the physical part of your interest, at least. Think of her husband, your wife, and her kids. That's four other people being affected by your decisions. I think giving it time is the important thing.

[Guest]

i have been in a similar situation and i am so glad it never went anywhere. yes i still have lingering thoughts and feelings for the person, but it's become very apparent that they werent the person i thought they were. i saw the person i wanted them to be, and only found out later that they were neither. fix your marriage or get out of it. this person would only be a short fling, and right now it'd only cause more harm for everyone than any kind of good.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

No one has the right to put a person down. Your wife's smart comments are condescending as well, as verbally / emotionally abusive..

What you have to realize is this.

A "WOMAN" found you attractive.. Yes she did. Doesn't matter that she is 22, married, you know the boundaries, you know you can't go there, what you need to take from this is you are WRONG... A woman found you attractive....


And, as such, other WOMEN will also find your attractive, the inner you and the outer you..

You simply have so much missing in your life that you have grabbed onto what you are missing, mentally.

That's normal.

Stop beating yourself up.

CW

[Alaric]

Thanks for all the help , folks. I went over to the young lady's house last night to retrieve the Christmas presents I have stashed there. She confessed her feelings for me are starting to parallel mine for her. I went over this morning and we had a long talk about how messed up the situation is getting. Bottom line is we're going to cool it. No more hanging out drinking while hubby is away , no more physical displays , etc..
I told the wife things are going to cool off with the neighbor. I won't tell her how far it went or how close to a full-blown disaster we came. It wouldn't help and could cause the neighbor's hubby to get involved.
We'll still talk and be friendly , and it will suck looking at each other wondering 'what if?' , but it's still the best choice. I picked the lesser of two regrets.
Thanks again.

[WildChild]

Now back to the other side of the situation. What are you going to do about your relationship with your wife? Is it a salvage or bail situation?

[Alaric]

For the time being I'm going to indulge in a little self-pity and a broken heart. This is too fresh for me to look at my marraige objectively. I'll have to look at it after Christmas and hopefully have a little more emotional distance by then.

[stressed]

I have the feeling that your wife deserves to know the whole truth, even if that wouldn't do any good to your relationship. As it may come out accidentally later on and she won't ever forgive you for keeping something like that from her, whether you will stay married or not. Just think how you would feel if she would have done the same to you; you would want to know.

[WildChild]

I'd agree but timing is important.

[rcoreyus]

I disagree. In fact telling her could be a way to try to "honourably" get out of an unhappy relationship.

[Guest]

i agree with rcoreyus. telling her right out might only make the situation worse. sometimes knowing all at the wrong time just causes more problems. isnt the main point to try and fix the underlying issue instead of fixating on the extraneous stuff?

fix the disease, dont treat the symptom.

the only other suggestion is that you probably shouldnt wait until the holidays to try and start fixing things with your spouse. move it or lose it!