[Alaric]

I'm 47 , she's 22 and married. Hubby is 27 and not perfect. She's lonely and probably a little disillusioned as a stay at home mom and a young bride , even if she has been married for 5 years. There has been much inappropriate conversation and some over-the-line physical viewing/contact. I could handle the obvious physical attraction-I've been hot for women before. Problem is , she seems to be interested in me and we have a lot in common. (except for the facts that I'm older than her mother and she's WAY better looking than me)
I'm developing emotional attachments that are catching me completely off guard. I feel very strongly about her as a person. The only plus to that is we haven't "gone all the way" (God , am I 16???) because I care enough to refuse to cause her that kind of grief. I'm hoping for some motivations or distraction techniques from the folks here.
I'm having adult 'happily ever after' fantasies about a woman who is essentially a child. I'm also beginning to see this in black and white and I'm creeping myself out. Holy . What the am I doing??? What have I DONE???? Oh , no. I have to fix this. I've done something horrible and I have to take the well-deserved hit.
How can seeing this be so easy? I've agonized for weeks over this situation and convinced myself it was "hard".
Sorry for rambling. I need to post this to make it 'real' and 'permanent'. What in the name of God have I done?
Next forum stop-Suicide Hotline.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Lol.

Well, you have personality I'll give you that, stop-Suicide Hotline?....

I remember the 7 months of this "Virginal" 21 year old, with a fear of size and the desire for me to correct that

Reality? He had had a few before... and was on a mission, very clever, nothing to do with this thread, and no I didn't go there, but the "fantasy" side of it tempted me, but more so, the intelligence, the soul connection, we would talk for hours... My bad...

I don't know your history but obviously your now "single"... And, some young lady comes along way younger but admires you. I think that they call that " I always wanted to marry someone like my Daddy"... there is a Father figure there, as well as "excitement" he likes me too.

When a girl has two children and has been with one person from 16 years of age that has no understanding, and an older man steps in , with understanding she can say "yes" this is what I needed, want, .....

It's easy to go back to your childhood and it's easy to accept this, in-factuation, why not? It's enlightening to you.

But view this in 6 months, you sleep together, he finds out, he and you have a fight, he leaves her, she has no where to go, she goes to you, for finances, and 12 months later, if not earlier, she leaves, finds a way and is writing on a simular Forum, what did I do?

As she gets older she will want more in life. At 22, she wants different things than you do, she doesn't want her dinner cooked, she wants hungry, lust and when that's over, she wants, to be with her girlfriends will you ever fit in to that? Or fall madly in love and then she leaves you at some stage.

My Property Manager is 24, he is 61, she thought he was 50, when she was 21, it wasn't mean't to happen but they click like can't explain.

The difference in this instance, is she is married.

Fantasy is Fantasy, enjoy it... remember it... a young chicky babe, found you hot...

Your viewing fantasy to reality without looking further down the track.

You purely have to tell her at this stage, I think your beautiful inside and out, but let's face it, you need to sort your marriage out and I would like to help but we've created chemistry between each other which is dangerous and in addition, I care about you, but not that way, it's never going to work. Let's take a few steps back and be real about this.

Your 22 and I'm 47 which is not relevant except I think you view me as that Father image, which all girls want out of a man.

I'm not going for that, nor an affair... It ends here, and starts back as friends....

No more ... text messages.... it's gotten out of control...

Work your marriage out and if your not happy, then leave it... I will always support you as a friend..

She will feel deflated... But you have to "white lie" here...

You know if it's mean't to be it will be... Later. But even then, I see problems that she will grow and you will be too old for her.

Get yourself out there and date now, for the heck of it, distract yourself from this woman....

CW

[Alaric]

Yeah , we really do "click". It's scary how well we finish each other's sentences and thoughts. Neither one of us really likes my wife. Gee , no issues there. I'm outta this mess. I thought I saw an escape from several years of misery and all I did was indulge a childish ego. It's amazing how bad a person I've been while convincing myself that I'm a "nice guy" just looking for love. It's amazing I sucked as a salesman (not my career). I sold myself a load of romantic while trying to steal a girl's emotional well-being.
Seeing my actions in the words of others was a punch in the gut. Even though I already knew what people would say. I came here because I knew , but didn't have the balls to admit. Out of excuses. it. A couple more weeks of excuses and I could have had my last fling with a 22 year old hottie , inflated the ego to the point of bursting. Could have convinced myself I was cool. Pathetic.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

ahhh, a wife too ahha....

Don't beat yourself up, didn't you know you were human?

Your missing then, something in your own marriage what?

Pathetic? Cool? You see, things happens so we can actually see the direction we need to take now in our life.

Is it too late to fix things, and if so, do we move on, did this 22 year old make me realise I can love, did it make me realise, I am still very sexual, did it make me realise there is something missing in my life. Did it make me realise it's 50/50 our fault, myself and my wife, or not?

What is my move, it has nothing to do with this girl, purely what she has shown me, a light of some sorts, I can actually see that I have been un-happy for a long time, why, what do I do, this is my story, this is the problems I have been facting before my neighbour

See?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

PS. I get the impression you think because it's a Woman's Forum we will bash you?

This is not a Forum that says, ............. it is very much a respectable, respectful, one, that prefers to offer you Opinons to what is happening in anyone's life, not judge.

I ommited before, welcome to our Forum.

CW

[Alaric]

I knew I've been unhappy for quite some time. Months without sex , etc.. When confronted about the time I spend with the neighbor I claimed the only innocence I had ("I didn't sleep with her!") and she laughed and told me "No kidding! She could do better than your sorry etc.". I'm a joke , a sorry old man sniffing around some innocent little girl and it's not bad enough my wife won't have me , but I must be made to know nobody will. Self-pity isn't an excuse and I won't pretend to be so weak as to blame my soon-to-be ex for my misdeeds. Perhaps a flattery buttered with revenge? I forgot self esteem can't come from outside , or thousands of years of human behavior were wrong-because I'm different. I don't know. I just know I'm in pain and I saw the (false) possibility of relief. I'm so very sorry for my behavior and for the hurt I'm going to cause that poor girl. She may actually care for me , as best she can. I've led her to believe I love her and it was all love for myself and self loathing. me for her pain.

[Alaric]

Yeah , still a bit of feeling sorry for myself. With enough guilt to feel like an elephant on my chest.

P.S. I've read a few posts from people who complained about men on a "women's forum". A minority , to be sure , but I read a LOT of posts before I felt safe asking to be flailed by someone besides myself.

[rcoreyus]

Well I'm a man who was in a similar situation (very similar ages too). In my case there had been nothing physical, but there was attraction. I took a trip with her and some of her (male) friends for a few days (with my wife's knowledge). The trip was completely innocent but it gave me a chance to spend some time around her. I quickly discovered that 20 and 45 are VERY different ages - and that she felt more like a child than a woman to me. I still like her, but the attraction is completely gone.

Your other problem of going months without sex is more serious (I have this problem as well). Why do women risk their marriages this way?

[WildChild]

You've got several things going on here. She is 22, married 5 years and has two kids? She got an early start, probably has very little education - did she finish high school even? She is lacking in life experience in many ways and as an older man you may seem very sophisticated to her. Many young women who grew up with absent or cold fathers look to men to fill their need for "fatherly" attention and are drawn to older men. You are old emough to be her father. Sex is one way to get a man's attention. I'd guess dispite her age, she has some experience in seduction?

Getting involved with her could get very messy in several ways. She is economically dependent on her husband? She has two young children, so this is about far more than the two of you and your spouses. You are older, more mature and experienced in life and supposedly should have more self control and awareness. It takes two of you for this to happen. It only takes one to keep it from going any further. You know that. You already know what you should do. The question is if you will do it.

Her marriage is her issue, not yours, although you could suggest that they get some counseling and you might try having an older man to younger discussion with her husband and encourage him to make some positive changes. That way you might help them without any additional involvement with her.

Your marriage is your issue and that is where your larger problem is. If that was good, you wouldn't be tempted to this level. Sounds like you and your wife are at serious odds and that there is little respect there on either side. Things don't usually get that way overnight. Your sex life is down the toilet, she makes disparaging remarks to you, about you. Do you reciprocate?
You say you have low self esteme. Is this a long term problem, has it built up slowly or is it the result of a specific situation such as unemployment?

If you make a commitment such as marriage you need to honor it, if you can't, you need to get out, then you can have your fun.

So, what is keeping you in your marriage?
Do you love your wife?
Does she have any good qualities? (something attracted you and led you to marry)
Do you have children? If so are they still at home?
What is your economic situation?
Do you want to save your marriage or get out?
What do you think you would have to do to save it?
How about to make it a good marriage?
Was your sex life ever good?
Is your wife or has she been orgasmic?
What would likely happen if you left?

[Hopeless Dork]

Do you know enough about this 22 year old womans life to know what her relationship with her father is like? If she has one or if he is distant/dead/ or never around to begin with?

I ask because of he is any of those things, her interest in you may have obvious psychological connections with her past and seeks your approval, affection for those reasons. If thats the case you will have to be very careful when/if you back off of her to not create more or new scars.

I can understand your feelings of wanting to get revenge on your wife for her telling you its not possible this girl would like you in that way, but sounds like you care about this girl and you'd be doing her a disservice to persue her in a romantic way as 1. That is probably the last thing she actually needs whether she realizes it or not and 2. She has a family, you don't want to be a homewrecker for no other reason than to get back at a wife you plan on leaving anyway.

You are in a tight spot, but be lead by whats the best for you long term, and her, the girl. If you are unhappy with your wife and there is no way she's going to help you make it better 47 is well still young enough to leave, there are many single women in your age bracket give or take 10 years that you may start something with and end up enjoying your life a whole lot more.

I say give or take 10 years because I think you know a 25 year age gap is not going to yeild any long term happiness results, not typically, not realistically.