[secretstranger]

hi everyone,

i need some advice regarding someone i met online. He an i have been talking on the phone and online for about 8 months. We agreed this was going to be a friendship with benifits kind of thing because he lives in another state. The more and more I get to know him, the more I get confused about my feelings. We have been intimate with eachother (on the phone, of course) and were planning to meet in person in a couple of months. I dont know if my loneliness is confusing me to the point where I actually believe we can become something more which leads me to my next issue: I can't get a date to save my life. I'm 20 yrs old and ive never been on a REAL date. Only had one relationship in my entire life and when we went out it was on school field trips. I feel so pathetic and I'm just tired of feeling worthless and unwanted and worst of all unloved.. i am sick and tired of it. I just want a sign from God or something that will let me know everything will be alright and that I won't be alone for the rest of my life.

I'm really broken and I feel horrible about myself.. I don't know what to do.

[mr.mansview]

what's the harm in meeting him..if you have been intimate on the phone then i assume you feel you need to be intimate when you meet..this will certainly put pressure on you since you have limited dating experience..why not make it clear to him that when you meet you want to take things slow despite your boldness on the phone..if he backs out of the situation then he was probably just looling for sex..if he agrees to your request then he is interested in you..when you meet just play things by ear..you'll know in your heart how far you'll want things to go..feel more confident about yourself..if you feel worthless you will project that onto the men you meet..good luck and welcome to WH secretstranger

[secretstranger]

thanks! well yes, he let me know that we will take it slow despite what we do over the phone. that's the thing, he's just so sweet, understanding, mature, he's the man of my dreams but i am so afraid to get hurt.. i mean, we have developed such a strong friendship. even though he's far away, whenever i write him an email about something im going through he will call me and comfort me in a way NO ONE in my life has ever been able to do. he has everything i could possibly want in a man. im just not sure if he feels the same way i feel. although i cant articulate it... i feel that im falling in love with him. i am just so lost.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi secretstranger,

I'm going to offer a different view.

I'm 46, separated two and a half years ago, didn't have the best marriage, and that's an understatement.

I realized there was so much out there in this World I wanted and will ensure I have next time I date.

I also went onto two dating sites ( one as a Forum) the other as a dating site.

I had myself a 6 month, on-line affair of sorts but it really set me straight of how sensual and sexual I really am It was good for me..

It however, made me fall for this guy, as a result. We met, we slept together, it was partially as I thought and partially not, because I had emotions attached and when he left I cried.

I felt used. I felt that he possibly even had more than just me, on-line

Yet, I also knew that all I was wanting was to find myself and I did, the positive of it was perfect. But, he saw it as you say, a booty call that "may" turn into something but doubtful as we had had phone sex, MSN sex shhhh.. you lot

You have to take the positives from everything. I actually now know that I am very sexual, I am alive, I am a giver, I am worth every second spent of me, ....

That part I wasn't sure about having been married and neglected in that sphere.

So it was an incredible journey that taught me sensuality or bought that back into my life should I say.

Your emotions are going to expect more when you meet because you've been intimate.

I'm saying "don't let it", let it be a part of you that has been wanting something and have received it, but also realize that many men can "ask" and get this way, via on-line sex.

I refuse to do it again, I obtained what I wanted from it and I will sit back and wait.

I had a boyfriend after, he was beautiful...

But, in life, we do go through motions until we find the one, it's truly about learning who we are and what we want, will accept and won't accept, for goodness sake your 20.. and your finding you..

Once you do, like I have, you will be very confident and know exactly what you want without a wish list, just simple, what you want and it will happen trust me.

CW

[secretstranger]

i completely understand what you're telling me but its so hard to feel the way i feel. i just feel like im not enough for anybody. i have no confidence or self esteem whatsoever and i know for a fact that if we end up getting together and then he leaves the way i know he will.. even if the friendship will still be there... im just expecting too much of something i know is not going to happen. and that is what has me feeling like . because he is enough for me to stop looking, i would be happy if i just had him and i knew this was it. but i know for a fact that im not the woman of his dreams. and i have so much love for him, i really do. he makes me feel beautiful and sexy when we share all these moments together over the phone but when hes not here it just makes me feel like hes in my imagination... and it makes me feel like i have nothing to begin with. still knowing all this, i come back to him and i keep playing the game because at least for that moment i feel important and i feel wanted.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I totally understand that and, I don't think your any different than any other woman regardless of age, who is lost and searching for love.

But, you need to understand, it's soooo easy, to talk the talk over the net, over the phone..

Darn, I've tried at least 5 dates, from that and all are so different when I have met them in person, we can type what we want but the truth is in the meet.

The only problem I see here, is that you know that you both agreed to "booty call", but you've fallen for a persona, a dream, which is okay, just put that into reality, and keep doing it, with him, with anyone, as long as they don't know your address, and build your confidence.

Trust me, it will come because you are at least experiencing how it all works and how it will be in the real world.

There are so many lost and lonely people in this world that need...

Take what you need sweet.

Just try so hard, okay, not to get hurt....by believing that there is a "jake", that's what I am calling him in real life as well and this is all a stepping stone for you, in finding him ...

CW

[secretstranger]

you are absolutely right. but you know it hurts like to be alone. especially when all you know is being treated like a doormat in a relationship. i just have to wait and keep pulling through. keep faking my confidence and keep thinking that it will happen soon. its just one of those days it hits you harder than it ever has before, you know? you think to yourself, , its a friday night, and im here looking at the four walls of my room, typing onto my computer and crying my eyes out because i feel lonely and hopeless.

thanks to everyone for reading my posts and giving me advice! i really like this forum

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Pftttttt

It's Saturday Night and where am I?

Yeah I know... It's the wanting that person to be real in your life now, here, in your home town..

It will happen soon enough, and you need to get out, it's Friday and your 20 and home...

You need to mingle with people and get out sweet, you can't find it alone on a Computer, at home, only a bandaid fix..

I know...

I've got a few things happening next few weekends, one day you have to say, quit whining when you know and get out there and go.

CW

[caterpillar79]

But once in a while, be on here like the rest of us...but jeeeezzzz, have a life as well, dear!

Go out and meet people, young and old, male and female. Just learn new things for yourself. Enjoy your solitude and appreciate it. You'll find the partner that you deserve in the right time.

Online is different from "in-person" meet-ups. Some people put out a different facet of themselves and will shock you in person - either positive or negative. It is risky. I took my chances though - that's how I met my fiance. Shhhh.

[Kallygirlie]

Hello, I wanted to offer you my view aswell. I like CW had my experience with a couple dating sites. Found a guy and fell for him, I ended up being his "booty call" and I cried. I to realized that what I was really looking for was myself and that's exactly what I found.

You see, I went through this horrible break up. I became so set on covering up my pain with another guy so after about 2 yrs of crying over my ex, i joined dating sites and social networking sites. I met several guys. Fell for 1. He actually lived about 200ft from my house and we never knew it. at first things seemed perfect. that is until he met someone else online. i cant count how many times he would date another girl, they break up, he tell me that maybe him and i are meant to be because I was the only true friend he had then he'd meet another girl and praise how much he loved her. Each time it broke my heart. I even got him a job with me so we could spend more time together.

Needless to say it never worked. none of the guys I met online ever worked. That guy I fell for became one of my really close friends but it took alot for that to happen.

I dont think the problem is the distant, i think the bigger problem is the internet. It's so easy for someone to maintain many relationships online. My current bf lived about 2 hrs away from me when we started dating. We saw each other maybe once a month and yes it was hard. We talked through text and IM for 9 months before we took the step. We met through one of my friends about 2 yrs prior to us "talking". Now we're living together and sharing our lives.

I think life is all about taking a chance. things happen for a reason. So say you follow your heart and it doesnt work. You'll be ok. You'll learn alot about yourself. But if you dont take the risk then you'll always wonder.