[Deeply Hurt]

Hey...
I need advice from people. I have been dating "Mike" for almost three years now. Our relationship has been good until I ran into a sticky situation with his sister. She completely hates me. I have tried over the past year to rekindle our relationship. Finally at Thanksgiving I pulled her outside to chat with her. We talked and agreed to be mature and try to work on our relationship. Well, everything was great until I ran into one of her friends at a nearby pub while intoxicated. Supposedly, I was in the bathroom when I ran into her friend and supposedly talked "smack" about his sister "Gina". The girl who I was with, (my friend) told me nothing was said on the toopic of his sister whatsoever! However, on the other hand,, the sister's friend told her I was in the bathroom talking about her the minute I saw her in the pub. This is not true. So, now, I am back at square one with this sister. I truely can not live like this. I love "mike" to death but I can't be in a relationship when someone in his family hates me, or to make matters worse, when we go over to his parents house, they lie and say she's sick so she does not have to come sit down and have dinner with us! What do I do?

[Ahryin]

Ok first off...you are in a relationship with him...NOT his sister! Soooo...what does it matter again what she feels towards you? If you didn't do it, you didn't do it. Stop giving her power over your relationship when indeed it is YOUR relationship. You love him and don't need to love her. If you like her then cool let it be and it will eventually work itself out. If it doesn't...oh well! You made an effort now either his sister can allow he said she said to rule over her or not..but thats HER decision and not yours. Your dude needs to understand that and trust in you as his woman. I would simply say to her "Listen I don't know nor do I care what your friend had to say however I know and am sure that I did not speak on you at all let alone negativly..like or hate it either or..it's not going to change the fact that I'm with your brother"

[KMonte85]

As long as your relationship with your boyfriend is not affected by the sister, I do not see why her dislike for you should be such a huge ordeal. Obviously, if his parents are inviting you to family dinner, they have no beef with you, and if your boyfriend has stayed with you for years dispite his sister's feelings, then it is really not that huge.

Personally, I would leave it as letting bygones be bygones. Let her hate you so long as she is civil when you two are around each other. But if you feel like you MUST rectify things, then have your brother or his parents talk to her and tell her how terrible you feel that she heard that rumor (and its just that a RUMOR) and that you never said such a thing and never would, especially since you took such a big step in trying to get along over Thanksgiving.

If you love him to death, what does it matter that a member of his family does not care for you? As long as he loves you and he doesn't care what she thinks, then her grudge is meaningless.

[Guest]

tell her the truth. if you said something, own up to it. if you didnt say anything, tell her you didnt. if you were drunk and dont remember, tell her that too.

bottom line is that he likes you.

[GoodEgg]

I can totally empathize why this tension would be terrible! But if you have a wonderful loving relationship, I say, make that the focus and not his family.

[Sprite]

Why not talk to your boyfriend and ask him how he feels about his sister. Maybe your boyfriend could talk to her and find out the facts on how she feels about you. She will maybe open up more and be more mature with her own brother.

I can understand how awkward it must be when you have family dinners etc. Just try your best to be nice and friendly with her, no matter how much it eats you up inside. That way you're not giving her the satisfaction she is looking for by 'spreading rumours' about you.
Show his family that you are the mature one, and prove her wrong about what she says about you to her family.

If she refuses to be in your company, maybe ask about her. Show that you are interested at being 'friends', even if you don't really want to. At least this will give his family a good impression that you are really trying.

Hope it all works out for you hun

Nix

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I don't know if she completely hates you or if she is "over protective of her brother", let's face it her family protect her over the dinners by "pretending she is sick", so she doesn't have to face you.

Just as we can't "choose" our family, nor can we "choose" the family of our partners.

It's the person we are dating, perhaps marrying that is the important one, not whom is attached to them.

But, your boyfriend needs also to stand up a little. He needs to tell your sister that, past is past, perhaps in the past when things were heated you would have said things but as you have called a truce, it's not the case. Gossip is exactly that, gossip....

Think on this. That girlfriend has heard many a time from "the sister" of things she said about you, and things you said to her... She's standing up for her friend, creating the gossip...

CW