[gradstudent10]

So here is my dilemma. I've known a guy since I was a Freshman in college. We both started college at the same time. Over the years we became best friends and dated off and on for the last five years. He is a very independent guy whose true love is writing music and playing drums. Over the years our friendship grew and I was always attracted to him and he had an attraction to me but I loved him more then he loved me.

Well our relationship has always had problems but we've always worked it out and our relationship grew stronger. The first time we were in a relationship it wasn't serious the second time it was a bit more serious he was considering me for a possibility in marriage. The second time I was hurt bad we broke up again with no real explanation of why we broke up. We continued to be hurt but to this day I find myself rewinding in my head trying to figure out what went wrong.

I see certain events in my head and my heart hurts. To make ago we slept with each other many many time for about two months. In the back of my head I was like oh well as long as we're together this can just be casual sex kinda like friends with benefits, but on the other hand I was lying to myself because I have always seen myself as marrying him and hoping the relationship would be permanent.

Now I am wishing that he and I who are very much into our faith and God had not been tempted and not slept with each other. Maybe then I would still have my best friend and we could hang out. I live with regret and I really miss him and our conversation. I have tried doing a sabbatical and not talking to him but I failed at that. It worked for a little while but then I realized how much I missed his friendship. Having sex changed the dynamics and I don't know if he'll ever talk to me again. Its been about 2 and a half months since we had sex and he stopped talking to me. Does this get easier losing your best friend. My heart has been hurting so bad. It feels like no matter how good the guy is when they get sex from even their best friend they just leave. I feel now that the almost six years are nonexistant. Him not talking to me is like I don't even exist.

[sourpuss]

Well, sounds like you were maybe making more of your relationship than was really there. I think we've all been there before.

Honestly, a 'best friend' doesn't stop talking to someone because they are no longer having sex.

I think the only thing you can do is come to terms with the fact that it was a casual thing and maybe try to back off the feelings around him. It's possible that he was feeling really pressured because he didn't feel the same as you did.

Above all, you deserve someone who has the same feelings for you as you do for them.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think your confusing the friendship, which it was 5 years ago and before that, to a form of relationship, having slept together, whereby the friendship ended the moment you did.

Unfortunately, it's difficult to go backwards, once you step over that mark of friendship.

I'm kind of feeling a bit sad that you've been waiting and hoping and doing this on and off for 5 years.

In general terms, it's a no win situation, it's like an never ending story and it just keeps going on until someone stops it. He has.

It's time to take that part of your life for what it was, the lessons to learn, the good memories, even the bad to ensure you don't make the same errors in that regard and totally move on.

People come into our lives for a reason.. Naturally, only a very few will ever stay for life.

CW