[kerry-]

I've just noticed how much I will avoid conflict situations and sometimes it leads to me being angry at myself rather than the other people who deserve it! I'm quite ballsy at times but other times I'm just a total flake. I'd like to be more confrontational and not freak out! Can anyone help me? I'm sick of people thinking they can walk all over me, I don't want to become some (edit) or anything I just want to stand my ground and stick up for myself more.

P.S Not sure what section to put this in!

[GlitterAndStuds]

You know what, I'd like to know this too, haha. I'm the same. I'm the most non confrontational person in the world. Although, if the situation is big enough, I know to address it but I get really nervous beforehand.

The only thing I can think of is, next time there's some sort of issue, however big or small.... just CALMLY go to the person and lay it out. No need to stomp around and wave your arms and lose your mind. When it's being approached for the first time, I'd say to be like "I just need to talk to you about something that's been on my mind for a while...." and go from there. Hopefully that will be liberating enough for you to handle bigger situations.

[kerry-]

You know what, I'd like to know this too, haha. I'm the same. I'm the most non confrontational person in the world. Although, if the situation is big enough, I know to address it but I get really nervous beforehand.

The only thing I can think of is, next time there's some sort of issue, however big or small.... just CALMLY go to the person and lay it out. No need to stomp around and wave your arms and lose your mind. When it's being approached for the first time, I'd say to be like "I just need to talk to you about something that's been on my mind for a while...." and go from there. Hopefully that will be liberating enough for you to handle bigger situations.

Yeah I think doing little things like steps might help when building confidence I just need to stop avoiding and let myself see that there's nothing to freak out about!

[LanaBear]

I don't think you necessarily want to be more confrontational, I think you want to 'grow a backbone' so to speak and stand up for yourself, your thoughts, your ideas, and your beliefs, in short, be more assertive.

Here are some ideas...

Come up with your own 'belief' system, in a sense... Give yourself permission to say 'No', be angry, make mistakes and to ask for help (I still struggle with the whole asking for help thing.) When saying 'No', mean it. Know your reasoning behind it and be prepared to discuss it and don't be overly apologetic for saying 'No'.

Do not allow people to interrupt you until you have finished speaking your thoughts. Say "Just a minute, I haven't finished talking."

Don't be so agreeable when in discussion with someone. Overly smiling, nodding, dropping your gaze to avoid eye contact. Eye contact is VERY important in my opinion. Maintain it! Keep your posture open and relaxed, be sure your facial expression agrees with the message you are trying to give, and keep a level tone of voice.

One thing, use what they call "I" language. "I" language helps you focus your anger in a more constructive manner and be clear about your own feelings. Use "I want" or "I feel" statements, rather than "You" statements.

Acknowledge the other person's situation or feelings followed by a statement in which you stand up for your rights. Like saying "I know your ****ed, but I feel..."

Also, be respectful towards the other person. Listen and let people know you have heard what they said. Ask questions for clarification, if you need to.

With all this said, there is a fine line between being assertive and being a witch. You have to watch yourself and know when you are getting too close to the witchy part. Don't be afraid to speak your mind, but be mindful as to how you speak it.

[Futureboy]

One thing, use what they call "I" language. "I" language helps you focus your anger in a more constructive manner and be clear about your own feelings. Use "I want" or "I feel" statements, rather than "You" statements.

Acknowledge the other person's situation or feelings followed by a statement in which you stand up for your rights. Like saying "I know your ****ed, but I feel..."

Also, be respectful towards the other person. Listen and let people know you have heard what they said. Ask questions for clarification, if you need to.

Lana is bang on the money here

You could start with 'retrospective asertion' so there is less emotion in the situation.

e.g. Yesterday when we were in the the kitchen you said X (or you did x) and this happened. This made me feel Y. Next time can do things another way

[saklamara]

If you are not a confrontational person you won't become one overnight. I bet that now when people say something to you, you spend the rest of the day thinking "i should have said this or that"... that is the first step, thinking about it.
The second step is letting them know, even if it is 2 days after. What is important is that this mattered to you and you shouldn't have to put up with things you dont like. After you keep on doing this for a while the time will come when you can say things on the spot and more naturally.
One of my best friends wanted also to be able to confront people, so we agreed that she would teach me how to be less of a witch (i am at times too confrontational) and i would teach her how to say the things she wanted when she wanted.

[Sprite]

I'm not very confrontational either, so don't worry, you're not alone.

I can be seen as quite shy, and people tend to walk over me. It's not that I want to be more confrontational, I just want to 'grow a backbone' like Lana mentioned. I want to be able to learn to speak up more, instead of keeping quiet and afterwards kicking myself for not saying anything. I want to stick up for myself so these people can quit walking over me.

I have tried to be more forward lately...but it's not my nature to be forward. I feel extremely uncomfortable.

[kerry-]

Thanks everyone for the advice I will some of it See I am quite a confident (like I can talk to people easily and make conversation that kind of way) person but because I have low self-esteem (yes believe it or not!) I tend to keep quiet but I just need practice!

[WildChild]

Lana explained this well. Confrontation is negative, you want to be confident and assertive.

[Sprite]

Confident and assertive are good ways of putting it. I need to be more like that at work..