[Kallygirlie]

well my bf got frustrated the other day and let the cat out of the bag that he's got a ring picked out for me. Doesn't mean the actually question is gonna come cause he's got a sick way of pick things out that he cant afford but the fact that he's looked says alot. Well my dad slipped up and told me over ther phone that he's been wanted to talk to my bf about giving him my Moms diamond to propose to me with. This all sound wonderfun right, well it actually confuses me.

My dad is right in saying that my moms ring would mean way more to me. but the problem is:

my moms ring is about 2 sizes smaller than my finger and I just really dont want to have anything about it changed including resizing

moms ring is a single solitare. I hate solitares cause I have a bad habit of getting them snagged on something and the prongs getting bent.

my bf has said he really wants to pick my ring.

we thought about using moms ring and him buying a wrap so its the best of both worlds but again the resizing issue and I'm not a big fan of gold and moms is gold.

This ring isn't the actual ring my dad proposed with. This is the ring he got her later after he could afford a better one. I currently wear her original engagment ring and wedding band on my pinkie but the ring in question is the one mom wore my entire life. Yes I want her ring because I see her when I look at it but its still a very painful feeling when I think of mom not being here anymore. I'm worried that pain will be reflected in our engagment if he uses Moms ring. I know this is something that is his choice but he's even asked me what I thought and what is the better idea. Do you all have any solutions for this one

[CHANDLERS WISH]

My ex-husband took the diamonds from his Mother's ring, which was white gold and re-designed it into something he liked and that he thought I would like.

He has the white gold ring, i have the diamonds.

To him, he still has his Mother's ring, rightly so and also it would have been at that time what she wanted... Me wearing a wedding ring that was part of her.

I think it's a beautiful idea, she will also be on your had and your man and you can design a white gold ring, with additional little ones around the solitare.

Some things, sometimes, are meant to be for a reason.

I think this is something your Mother would definately, truly have wanted sweet.

CW

[GlitterAndStuds]

I agree with CW. I know you said you didn't want to alter the ring in any way, but maybe it will be a better idea later on. I can absolutely understand why.... it was your mom's, so you want it to stay your mom's in some way. But I think it would be a cool idea to use it and resize it how you need, make a couple of adjustments so it's hers AND yours. Then it won't be as painful to look at, too. I'm not sure if that all makes sense, but it does in my head, haha.

My friend actually gave her grandmother's engagement ring to her boyfriend for whenever he wants to give it to her later (he's obviously planning to). It's also gold but she would prefer white gold. Thing is, they would have to put the diamond in a totally different band because if it's dipped it will only last a few months before it starts peeling and all that. She's really bummed about it because it's totally changing the ring that's been in her family for AGES, but they've decided to get a new setting. It's a good compromise, I think.

But, ultimately, it's up to you. If you don't feel right using it as your actual engagement ring, maybe keep it on a necklace or something? Just suggesting.

[LanaBear]

I think it is a great idea and completely agree with CW and Glitter.

I know you don't want to make changes to it, it would be hard, but it would also incorporate you bf into the ring as well.

Another thing that you could do, my mom did this for me, but when my parents got divorced, she took her rings down to the jeweler, he removed the diamonds and melted down the bands into a pendant and put the diamonds back in as a necklace. Everything is still there, the ring and diamonds, but just in a different form. I loved it! That's obviously extreme regarding making changes, but I don't know, I think you can do a lot with it.

[rcoreyus]

I'm going to take a different tack here. Rings are just "things". They may be a symbol of love, but they are not love, they are not important. Don't worry or stress about the ring - what really matters is that your BF loves you. Whether the ring is your mother's, or was taken from Cleopatra's tomb, or found at the beach is not important.

Don't let a thing cause stress.

[WildChild]

It may be a thing but it is a symbol. Why not let your bf give you a ring of his choosing and save your mom's ring? One of my sisters got our mother's rings. Mom died before got to see any of her grandchildren and I cried the day my sister called each of us to have a concensus on giving mom's ring to her son (the oldest grandchild) for him to use to propose to his lovely now wife. It was a wonderful to carry the love I know she would have had for all her grandchildren into the next generation.

[rcoreyus]

One problem with a symbol is that you can get too attached to it. People lose things. I know someone who lost her engagement ring. I've lost my wedding ring and had to replace it. Long ago my mother had a swollen finger but didn't want to cut her wedding ring off because it was a symbol - but was risking losing her finger instead.

If you make a symbol too important, you feel terrible if it is lost or damaged.