[tritonalum07]

Lately, my boyfriend has become a little distant. We have spent every weekend together since we got together 4 months ago (which I realize now we shouldn't do) and this past weekend were so irritated with one another we spent the weekend apart. I stopped by his house yesterday morning with breakfast and coffee, but he wasn't super enthusiastic about it. He called me later to thank me for breakfast. Since he doesn't have a phone right now, I either have to wait for him to get ahold of a friend's phone or call me from work, or stop by his house or work to talk to him (though if I stop by his work, it's just to take him lunch or a drink or something). Last night I was supposed to go over to his house, but he called and said he was going out to dinner with his brother. On my way home, I take a road that goes right by his house, and I noticed his brother was outside....I don't have any reason not to trust him or think he's being unfaithful, so I don't. But, I'm wondering if he just feels smothered lately and needs some time to breathe. What do you ladies think? Should I not call/show up for a while and see what happens? I've never loved someone the way I love him, and I don't want to sabotage our relationship by smothering him if that's what I'm doing. Thanks for the advice....

[sourpuss]

He's probably feeling smothered. You bring him coffee and breakfast, hang out every weekend, show up at his work and take him to lunch, take him out for drinks, drive by his house.....I'm feeling smothered just writing about it. Yikes.

Back off a bit, wait for him to ask you to spend time together, and take another route home for a while.

[KMonte85]

What sourpuss said!

Back off a bit and let the guy breathe... he can't appreciate his time with you if he doesn't know what if feels like to be without you.

[kygirl]

I'd have to agree with everyone else. I know it's common to want to spend every waking minute with someone you care about, or to see them as much as possible, but honestly, sometimes a little absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. If you're always around, it's easy sometimes to take someone for granted or even to start to feel smothered. Spend some time with your friends or doing things you want to do as well. Hopefully he'll realize he misses you being there

[Guest]

Lately, my boyfriend has become a little distant.

. . .

But, I'm wondering if he just feels smothered lately and needs some time to breathe. What do you ladies think? Should I not call/show up for a while and see what happens? I've never loved someone the way I love him, and I don't want to sabotage our relationship by smothering him if that's what I'm doing. Thanks for the advice....

Have you come right out and asked him?

many people just never ask the direct question.

[tritonalum07]

Wondering....

I'm beginning to wonder if he's depressed. I stopped by his work yesterday (he's rarely busy at work and his bosses don't care) and he seemed happy to talk to me and see me. I told him that I'd realized I'd been smothering him (yes, I realize the irony of apologizing for that and showing up at his job) and that I realize I'm not his mother, but his girlfriend. I let him know that I'm not going to show up at his house or work anymore, and I won't be coming over until he calls me. He was very affectionate, the most he's been in a week, and repeatedly told me he loved me. He was also genuinely concerned when he saw me because I looked sad, and he flat out said "you don't know look like you're doing too well, let's sit down and talk."

That was yesterday morning around ten. He didn't call last night, and he hasn't called at all yet today, despite the fact that he can use the phone at work. His calls have become less and less frequent lately. I have an anxiety disorder and I'm in school, a bad combination when I'm having a big relationship issue like this. If he's depressed, I can understand him throwing himself into his work and acting like no one else exists, BUT I feel like it's also unfair for him to not recognize that my anxiety is OUT OF CONTROL right now. I feel like I don't even have a boyfriend. We've NEVER had problems. Once in a while we have an argument, but I'd say we probably argue less than most couples. We're very open and honest with each other. His behavior suggests to me that he's either very depressed--and with his financial situation and social circumstances, I would be too--or he's about to break up with me. Is it unfair of me to drive to his house later and let him know how I'm feeling without being a typical woman and nagging/yelling/degrading him? We're supposed to be best friends, and if my female best friend was behaving this way, I'd be at her doorstep in a snap. I don't feel like if he's depressed he should be alone. What should I do?

[caterpillar79]

Still, go back to square 1: Let him be. Don't drive to his house or workplace, don't ask him out, don't initiate a phone call/text. Let him be on his own for about 2 days, then text or call and say hi and that you just want to know how he's doing - period. No sweet nothings like "i miss you, etc." unless he starts being lovy -dovy. Then go back to your own life, enjoy being on your own. It will be hard at the beginning, but you'll be able to wean yourself off of him, believe me.

It is mostly common to have anxiety under such situation (myself included - been there as well). But what the wise ladies here told me was to learn to live on my own and be happy (with him or not), develop my strengths in my solitude. It is how we spend our time apart that makes our time together more meaningful. So, that being said, focus on yourself and your studies. Don't allow your happiness to depend on him. That is unhealthy.