[kurisupiaisukuriimu]

I honestly cannot emphasize how much disdain I hold for him in my heart and in my mind. I feel like sometimes my anger is turning into outright hatred and I don't know how to handle this anymore!

The reason why it is like this is because my boyfriend's brother has said horrible things to me in the past and was just being a plain old bully! He's even threatened me a few times! How old is he you ask? 27. Yes. That's right. 27. Ugh, I am just so disgusted with him! When he lived here it was so horrible [I live with my boyfriend and his family because of unfortunate circumstances that happened with me...], I've never seen someone so lazy, slothful about their life by not doing anything with it, and he smoked weed like crazy! I'm just going to be upfront, I hate weed and any type of drugs [not prescribed by an actual doctor] that are used illegally.

His brother always had his friends over and he would say things indirectly [that weren't really referring to me at least] that would just (edit) me off so much! I'm bi-polar, and I'm receiving treatment, but my God...things that he would say would trigger me so much. He would always brag about things like how good he was at stuff and how smart he was, but I just couldn't see how everyone was so amazed with his (edit) ! He is full of (edit) . He will take anyone's story and retell it as though it were his own. Which I honestly do not understand. Somehow everyone would tell me about what he said about wanting to do nice things for me, but I never heard about them unless I just really broke down and started raising havoc because I get too angry sometimes. He always tried to kick me out and ugh, he always called me names, said I was stupid, a dumb(edit) , the works. Before I guess I just suppressed my feelings for the sake of everyone here, because he's their family, and they love him [although if he weren't, they'd hate him too, I've heard that so many times], so I just pretended and lied to myself that it didn't bother me.

But now the feelings have returned, and although he still comes to visit, I loathe it so much. I don't want to be this way, but all he's shown me is how much of a horrible person he is. If he was better at showing me the good side, then I wouldn't be so bothered by it. And also I notice how bad he's deteriorating because of all the constant weed-smoking he does. I made my boyfriend stop by constantly encouraging that I didn't want him to go down the path his brother is. And when I see the two of them together, the difference is significant because my boyfriend has stopped.

When I would tell all my close friends and my mom, they'd constantly ask me why he was acting so outrageous to me. I would always say I didn't know. He hates me, and all the like. He hates the music I listen to [and of course I think my musical tastes are waaay better than his], the way I dress [I'm kind of out there, I like the alternative/industrial scene, and I got my lips pierced], and he never believed my diagnosis of being bi-polar, he even went so far as to say my depression was pitiful because I was just acting like a baby when he doesn't know how bad I suffer through it. I've been mistreated most of my life, and I have never had it as easy as he has because his family is so well-off, so I just feel like he will never understand how hard it is for me to make something of myself. My friends and mom started saying that he's so in love with me and he's angry that he can't have me and all that . I ignored those comments. Even if it were true, I can't get over being this angry at him. He has a girlfriend and the way he talks to her when he gets mad makes me feel like he doesn't deserve her at all. I'm wondering if he's jealous that she progressed in college more than he did by getting her masters, and makes more money that he ever could. Plus, her family is very rich, so if they dropped dead tomorrow, she'd be loaded. She's so nice and sweet, I really think it's so sad that she still stays with him, but heck, that's her business, and I don't say anything about it.

I have never said a word about this to my boyfriend, because there's no way that I can express this gently as possible. I just feel it best to keep it to myself, that way I won't be on bad terms with him. But really...it is just too much.

Sorry again, for this being so long. x__x I guess I just have a lot to say. xD

[sourpuss]

So does he put you down in front of your boyfriend or their parents?
It sounds like to me that he's really insecure and just trying to act tough to make himself feel better. Anyone who is secure doesn't feel the need to lie or bully people. It just happens that you're an easy target.
If you can find a way to actually pity him and not be affected by the things he says, he'll have no power over you.

[Jstei016]

I think the next time he comes to visit, you just need to relax and try to look at the situation from a different perspective. Instead of getting angry at all the little things he might say that make you angry, just laugh a little. Even though you don't want to! I know its hard when you dont get along with someone, especially when its your boyfriends brother. I know you are probably asking yourself how the two can even be related!
Since you know that he is not going to change, if you really want to fix this then you have to make the first step.
Make yourself smile around him all the time and your mind will start feeling like your happy around him.
Maybe force yourself to go do something fun with him and your boyfriend and be aware that what you say or do that might offend him. Try to maintain a positive attitude everytime you are around him and stop focusing on all the negative things about him that make you upset. Be able to forgive and forget the little things and be ready to make a change.

[newhere808]

Personally I think if he is bothering you that much it may be worth letting your boyfriend know. Even if you cannot go into detail without completely exploding (you don't wanna make it sound like your mad ad your BR for his brother) you can inform him that you are very uncomfortable around his brother and do not appreciate the way he treats you.

If you guys' have been together for a time, I don't see why he wouldn't do something about it, and even if he doesn't at least he know's why you may not want to be around next time "bro" shows up.

Other than like, like Sourpuss said, try and find a way to where insted of being offended and irritated by him, look at him for what he really is. Based on your description of things, he certainly sounds pretty sad, and they are typically the one's that talk the biggest "game".

[kurisupiaisukuriimu]

Well the thing about it is that my bf is so sensitive, so whenever I try to tell him how I feel about something, it's never my intention to make him feel bad, but he always does. Every single time. And I just feel so guilty that I never want to say anything. So I just keep everything to myself, because I feel as though he can't handle the things that are on my mind unless they are happy thoughts. But realistically, I'm not always happy. When he's down and out, I have to do my best to be strong for him, but I feel like I'm just being strong for the both of us as it is...and that's a lot of weight to carry around at times. I honestly think that he has a problem with depression, but with the way that he was brought up, all his family thinks is that depression is a sign of weakness and that you shouldn't wallow or be sad and just "get over it". I think that is the most ridiculous thing ever, and as soon as we are able to move out, I am going to find him treatment. Because I care about him, and I don't want to see him suffer.

He's always running to me saying how his family doesn't listen to him and saying hurtful things [subtly of course] and it always makes him feel bad and that he's not worth much. I just get so angry that his family can pretend to be a family and not give a (edit)about each other. Sure they have their problems, but I guess their problems run so deep that they've given up on trying to fix them.

Personally, I just believe that his brother needs to grow up. It's insane that he acts so childish like he's still a teenager. I understand that he always wants to seem so tough, but it goes too far sometimes. He's a cruel person. I can be really mean too, but in the end, I always feel bad about it and just apologize. It's like he's never remorseful about his actions and he even thinks he knows everything. I know he thinks he's so much smarter than me [and he knows some things I don't], but honestly I think I have more common sense that he does. I've tried the nice thing. I used to say hi all the time whenever I came home and he was in the living room. I'd say hi to his friends and try to chat a bit. I complimented him whenever he cooked. [And he never really accepted the compliment, just said what came out wrong with the dish...] I offered to wash his dishes when he was done eating, he declined every time, but at least I was showing a good gesture by him. I baked him brownies one time to apologize when I made him mad indirectly, and explained why it happened. And yet he said over and over to my face that he didn't give a (edit) about me. So I just distanced myself more and more. Even if it were not true, I guess it did leave a scar on me.

I really don't know what to do anymore. You're comments do help though. But at this point, it's ingrained in my head that he is an (edit) not worth getting to know.

[kurisupiaisukuriimu]

Oh, sorry about all the 'language'. I'll try to refrain from it. x] I guess I just get too worked up over the subject.

**And yes, he has disrespected me in front of his mom and my bf. But I guess my bf is too afraid to ever go up against him.

[sourpuss]

Is he afraid to say anything or is he not seeing it the way you do? What about his mom?

[kurisupiaisukuriimu]

I know my bf knows that what his brother did to me in the past is wrong. I just can't understand why he didn't defend me then. It makes me angry when I think about that to this day.

And yes, my boyfriend's mom knows how ugly his brother gets. And yet she feels like she can't do anything about it. Because he doesn't listen to her. And he treats her like too. She's always saying not to be like him. She's pretty soft spoken, but she can be firm if she wants. But a lot of the time, I just see her throw her hands in the air and not do anything. The way I see it, nagging someone doesn't help at all if they're just not going to listen.

[Guest]

holding it in will only make it worse for you. believe me, trying to keep stuff to yourself only makes it fester and get a lot worse.

you need to tell your boyfriend in one way or another.

[kurisupiaisukuriimu]

I know one day I will be able to. But for right now, the situation I'm in as it is, would only make things worse too. .__.