[CHANDLERS WISH]

Don't let someone mess with your head

If they do, and in addition they are taken, then you have to checkmate the game, as over...

[newhere808]

i do, and then something happens and things get different. not in a bad way, just, well endearing and thats when things get awkward. it's worse than being a work-wife!

May I ask what you mean by "then something happens"? Like does he do something that makes you think the feeling may be mutual?

I'm a huge advocate of unconditional honesty, but there are times where some things are better off left unsaid, and that isn't lying. If he asks you, then telling him 'no' would be lying.

Like Tex and KY said, you can convey the message of caring for someone without implying that those feelings are romantic. But if by "something" happens, you mean he hints at feelings of his own, then you should be very cautious not to encourage anything. It's a bummer situation to be in for sure

[stressed]

To take it from the beginning:

"lets say you have a male friend that you are close with"

okay...

"he is happily married and does give any indication that anything is wrong is his marriage"

His marriage situation should be irrelative to you when he is a friend. You would never consider having sex with a real friend, whether he'd be happily married or single, whether YOU are single or not. A friend is a friend. I have male friends who are married, single and in relationships. I never once saw them in a different way and that's why I consider them friends.

"If you develop feelings for him, more than just friends"

Then you stop thinking of him as a 'friend' and therefore the friendship is somewhat damaged. If you have a 'crush' on your friend, married or not, there are consequences. I'd suggest you distance yourself from this man because you already have feelings for him that he might notice and might even want to explore on a day he's had an argument with his wife, then come back to you and say "it was a mistake". Do you really want to risk this happening? If you want him in your life just let him be a 'friend', nothing 'close'. It doesn't take a lot for someone to respond to an ongoing crush, happily married on not.

"do you ever tell him?"

No, I keep my distance and let him be happy/unhappy with the wife he's chosen. I don't get close and don't allow him to get close.

"do you keep it to yourself?"

I try to forget about it and move on. It's pointless to think about 'what if' when he already has a life with someone else.

"do you give any indication how you feel?"

God, no.

"does it hurt more to keep it in, or say something and risk the friendship?"

If it hurts to keep it in then you are in love, and this is very dangerous. The more you are around him the worse it will become.

"is it a lie to never say anything about how you feel?"

No, because he never asked you and you never lied about it. If he asks it will mean that he noticed and is probably equally interested as you are. If you say what you feel and he feels the same it is going to lead to an affair. If you deny it and you're still a close friend he will be suspicious that you lied.

In any case, if he's just a friend to you there are many ways to show him that you care without involving any flirting or expressions of feelings. But if you are in love with him and don't want to cause any trouble in his marriage, you have to keep your distance. Unless you want to play with fire and start an affair.