[katrinapink]

hi,
I have a boyfriend for 8 years he liv s wth me dont work and has recently developed copd a lung problem from smokong. hes sick and cant wthe time for the past 8 years on and off breakups and i caught him cheating.
talking to women on the compter so i was gonna leave him before he got sick and now i feel i cant cause i feel sorry for him cause hes sick what can i do?
our feeling the same way i feeel cause my boyfriend shows no attention and noo affection at all to me at all no kisses no i love u nothing we face differnt ways each night and dont even hug,at all we hardly ever have sex
but i feel the need to get another man i need a man that can show me he cares his one is horrible and fights all day everyday,and my cable just went off today so my computer will go off soon maybe tom i dont have a single friend lonely my mom died 2 years ago from cancer

[stressed]

hi,
I have a boyfriend for 8 years he liv s wth me dont work and has recently developed copd a lung problem from smokong. hes sick and cant wthe time for the past 8 years on and off breakups and i caught him cheating.
talking to women on the compter so i was gonna leave him before he got sick and now i feel i cant cause i feel sorry for him cause hes sick what can i do?
our feeling the same way i feeel cause my boyfriend shows no attention and noo affection at all to me at all no kisses no i love u nothing we face differnt ways each night and dont even hug,at all we hardly ever have sex
but i feel the need to get another man i need a man that can show me he cares his one is horrible and fights all day everyday,and my cable just went off today so my computer will go off soon maybe tom i dont have a single friend lonely my mom died 2 years ago from cancer

(you should have started a new thread, then you'd receive more replies )
My fiance also has some kind of copd problem from smoking (it's not certain yet, but he has many of its symptoms). Honestly, it is terrifying at first, but it is not really a reason to break up with someone, I've thought about this a lot over the past year. But it's also not a reason to stay with him because you feel sorry for him. You are not meant to sacrifice yourself for someone else and you shouldn't be his nurse. If you find that this man cannot give you the life you want, whether he has health issues or not, you should not stay. If you can both deal with the symptoms together and understand each other it can work.

Computer cheating, that happened to me with the same man as well. It took us 3 years to deal with this and make him understand that what he was doing was wrong. Computer cheating has very deep emotional roots and it will require A LOT of effort from your end. First you have to get into his head and understand why he does it, then tell him how you feel and that you can't accept it anymore, then turn your place into a 'rehab' and help him get over this addiction (because it is an addiction) and then work on the sex issue and make him understand that a Real relationship has more to offer than the ones he builds in his head via the computer.

Bottom line: Put the health problem aside and focus on the person and the quality of the relationship. You argue a lot, there is no understanding and he shows no signs of realizing that he actions affect you a lot. Even if just for a test, leave him for a few days and write him a long letter explaining why you did. Go somewhere else to see if he really wants you there or he's too self centered. You are unhappy and already considering finding another man, which tells that this has gone too far to deal with, as you don't have the energy required to deal with this serious issue (and I totally understand that).

And please, do come back to this forum soon, talking here about these issues helps a lot. It was a problem very similar to yours that made me register here a year ago.

[caterpillar79]

I moved it and made it your own thread so you get more replies, katrina. I do feel for you.

You have put up with this man for so long, it's hard to just go. Set aside the COPD part, and air out your feelings to him. I agree with what stressed advised you to do. It is better to do it in a non-confrontational but personal way - a letter explaining how you feel, what you did and why. Tell him where and how he can reach you and until when he is allowed to do so if he still cares. If after the time you've given ends and he doesn't call or anything, it means you can move on.

If it is worth saving, he is going to reach out to you. It takes two people to make a relationship work. So get rid of your guilt trip and live your life.

Do come back here and let's talk some more.

[WildChild]

What's in it for you? Why do you stay? He's not working, what does he do all day while you're at work? Smoke and look at porn on the computer?
The fact that he is sick doesn't make him your problem, tell him good bye.

[Guest]

move on. there's nothing in that relationship for you.