I need help help dealing and coping and to try to get over what has happened, this is such a sensitive subject for me especially because i have been reasding other posts similar to mine and it doesnt touch the same subject as i have. It deals with PORNOGRAPHY phone sex and hot lines to meet local singles. my hubby and i will be togetehr 4 years this year and i just cam back in nov 09. i left april 09. here is what happened, it is a little long. so bare with me. i need so help. please be gentle honest but gentle.
This is how i left. I found out he was paying for phone sex hundreds of dollars . for minths about 2 years. watching porn for 4 years but 3 i can account for. and talking to other women on quest local lines and meet hot women in your area. things like that. when i found his stash of nasty mags and porn i was devastated. Ripped away from every ting ive done everything i thought i knew about my h.b .. I felt nasty betrayed used . i cried for months when he was gone at work or out side. i even cried silently in the shower and bed.
I asked him if there was anything else he had to tell me. We would work it out no matter what it was. he said no he swore on my life nothing else. When i asked y he was watching porn he said because you annoy me, you always at me bug me. hang on me.
And at the time was false in my book because he was always at work and when he wasnmt he was sleeping or i was at school. any way. I did everything for him just liek in teh videos. so i didnt understand y he wanted them not me. I asked him y he didnt want me any more and he said it was all in my head,.
He became so distant over the years. wouldnt hold my hand would cuddle .sex was 5 minutes he would yell at me for nothing . for asking ?'s for crying. and then i found more
I looke dup his phone account and there it was in my face . sex lines, singles lines, date lines., hook up lines, and a few numbers were on tehr i called and they said tehy have been on the quest line adn they gave b.js on the side for extra money.
I hid it for a few months to save our marriage,. i tried not bothering him when he got home making sure dinner was ready his clotehs were washed ironed and hung up. i gave him sex and oral w.e he asked. to keep him happy. thinking he would stop/ but no it didnt./ then i snapped at walmart of all places.
we were all there kids and us and he noticed a girl .. she was pretty and he just kept staring. he wont admit it. i todl him if shes taht intruguing go ask he for her #. he got mad and walkd of down the isle . when i looked where he went he was staring at her behind the isle block. i lost it and told him loudly and inappropriately. "if its not bad enough you have an addiction to nasty porn and sex lines and sinlge lines but you have to look at ****s in walmart in front of me to" well we left immediatley left our stuff ther and left
When we got home i cried and begged him to tell me y he did it. y the phone y the porn y the other women. his excuse was because i didnt listen to him . i always judged him and.. again im a b"""" im pushy im smothring him. blah blah blah. well over the next few days i was a mess. i couldnt even functyion my nieghbor had to help me with my kids. while i downed pills left and right. drank anything i could find or buy.
and then i got my head on straight and said no no more ws i going to destroy myself because of him. then he came home one night and we were still on the rocks. The kids were not in bed and he decides, hes not going to care and not trying to hide it, he goes on the computer and watches porn. i get infront of it and say if hes going to do this then at lweast wait until our chilren ae in bed. he said no and said no. well my daughter came up to me and i sat tehre with him and he turned it off and told me to get her out of tehre i didnt. alot of things happend after. he yelled i said no. ihe took my daughter away and put her in her room. she was screaming for me. i took the internet connection and he was mad. we got in anotehr argument he called me alot of nasty things. and i through the connection, he got even more mad. and i lost it. i flipped. i pulled up a chair and he told me to leave
he didnt want me tehre while while he watched it i siad to bad. i want to see what these ****s have that i dont. and he said im disgusting im a b)))) and way ,more mean hurtful things. then he pushed me and i fell outta the chair
i tyold him not to push me and i push his chest with my fingers, i tild him not to touch me and that he promised he wouldnt ever touch me again. tehn he got even more mad and he got physical.my daughter saw the whole abuse. the next morning i left.
while he was at work i packed up and was on my way on leaving to c.a. he called me on his way home and told me he was sorry and we needed to talk,. he had no idea i was leaving. then i told him. he got mad at first and then he got home. he was in tears and told me he was sorry he would never do it again. he will never look at another porn . never touch me again. no more phone calls. and i just couldnt believe him.... he was on his knees begged me and i left. and turned my phone off.
WRAP UP. told you it was long.. well over the next 8 months he did call hot lines and sex lines watched porn. he lied about it . he told me he wasnt. well it doesnt matter that much cuz i was gone i wasnt with him. but no since i got back, ive been here since nov. 09 and this month feb he got another sex add for sexy live local girls. NOw explain to me soemthing he hasnt gotten anything since ive been back and his phone records show te same hes been honest he hasent done anything no porn no women no sex lines nothing.
i asked y did this come he said IDK i ripped it up and threw it in the trash,. ive been kinda depressed teh past few days and hes noticed. he thinks it for that. it wsnt. its becasue of everything else. and tehn that poppe dup and it trigegred. everyting. so my question is. How do i get over it, he said hes changed and in a way he has. to a point. he is still mean in his ways of talking. he isnt as affectionet but he can work on that. Again we had an argument and he thought it was the paper. maybe it was what made me sadder but that wasnt it.
So agian how do i deal with this. thinking about what happend. im terrified about it happening again and about thim lying. It took me 4 years to find all this out he was that good. i trusted him that much thought it was me so i tried to be a better wife.. no matter what i did it wasnt good enough. he didnt want me. so why now? why does he want me now. and how do i trust him. im trying to save an argument but i cant stopp thinking. maybe he has another phone another bank account. see what i mean. How do i get over it and trust him. he said hes changed i came back to be with him becaue he cried all the time over the phone when iwas gone. and begged me back for 8 months.. said i was the only one for him. we were supose to be 2gether. and so im back but dealing with this anxiety. can you help???? I want to trust him i want to be a good wife . Help me
This is how i left. I found out he was paying for phone sex hundreds of dollars . for minths about 2 years. watching porn for 4 years but 3 i can account for. and talking to other women on quest local lines and meet hot women in your area. things like that. when i found his stash of nasty mags and porn i was devastated. Ripped away from every ting ive done everything i thought i knew about my h.b .. I felt nasty betrayed used . i cried for months when he was gone at work or out side. i even cried silently in the shower and bed.
I asked him if there was anything else he had to tell me. We would work it out no matter what it was. he said no he swore on my life nothing else. When i asked y he was watching porn he said because you annoy me, you always at me bug me. hang on me.
And at the time was false in my book because he was always at work and when he wasnmt he was sleeping or i was at school. any way. I did everything for him just liek in teh videos. so i didnt understand y he wanted them not me. I asked him y he didnt want me any more and he said it was all in my head,.
He became so distant over the years. wouldnt hold my hand would cuddle .sex was 5 minutes he would yell at me for nothing . for asking ?'s for crying. and then i found more
I looke dup his phone account and there it was in my face . sex lines, singles lines, date lines., hook up lines, and a few numbers were on tehr i called and they said tehy have been on the quest line adn they gave b.js on the side for extra money.
I hid it for a few months to save our marriage,. i tried not bothering him when he got home making sure dinner was ready his clotehs were washed ironed and hung up. i gave him sex and oral w.e he asked. to keep him happy. thinking he would stop/ but no it didnt./ then i snapped at walmart of all places.
we were all there kids and us and he noticed a girl .. she was pretty and he just kept staring. he wont admit it. i todl him if shes taht intruguing go ask he for her #. he got mad and walkd of down the isle . when i looked where he went he was staring at her behind the isle block. i lost it and told him loudly and inappropriately. "if its not bad enough you have an addiction to nasty porn and sex lines and sinlge lines but you have to look at ****s in walmart in front of me to" well we left immediatley left our stuff ther and left
When we got home i cried and begged him to tell me y he did it. y the phone y the porn y the other women. his excuse was because i didnt listen to him . i always judged him and.. again im a b"""" im pushy im smothring him. blah blah blah. well over the next few days i was a mess. i couldnt even functyion my nieghbor had to help me with my kids. while i downed pills left and right. drank anything i could find or buy.
and then i got my head on straight and said no no more ws i going to destroy myself because of him. then he came home one night and we were still on the rocks. The kids were not in bed and he decides, hes not going to care and not trying to hide it, he goes on the computer and watches porn. i get infront of it and say if hes going to do this then at lweast wait until our chilren ae in bed. he said no and said no. well my daughter came up to me and i sat tehre with him and he turned it off and told me to get her out of tehre i didnt. alot of things happend after. he yelled i said no. ihe took my daughter away and put her in her room. she was screaming for me. i took the internet connection and he was mad. we got in anotehr argument he called me alot of nasty things. and i through the connection, he got even more mad. and i lost it. i flipped. i pulled up a chair and he told me to leave
he didnt want me tehre while while he watched it i siad to bad. i want to see what these ****s have that i dont. and he said im disgusting im a b)))) and way ,more mean hurtful things. then he pushed me and i fell outta the chair
i tyold him not to push me and i push his chest with my fingers, i tild him not to touch me and that he promised he wouldnt ever touch me again. tehn he got even more mad and he got physical.my daughter saw the whole abuse. the next morning i left.
while he was at work i packed up and was on my way on leaving to c.a. he called me on his way home and told me he was sorry and we needed to talk,. he had no idea i was leaving. then i told him. he got mad at first and then he got home. he was in tears and told me he was sorry he would never do it again. he will never look at another porn . never touch me again. no more phone calls. and i just couldnt believe him.... he was on his knees begged me and i left. and turned my phone off.
WRAP UP. told you it was long.. well over the next 8 months he did call hot lines and sex lines watched porn. he lied about it . he told me he wasnt. well it doesnt matter that much cuz i was gone i wasnt with him. but no since i got back, ive been here since nov. 09 and this month feb he got another sex add for sexy live local girls. NOw explain to me soemthing he hasnt gotten anything since ive been back and his phone records show te same hes been honest he hasent done anything no porn no women no sex lines nothing.
i asked y did this come he said IDK i ripped it up and threw it in the trash,. ive been kinda depressed teh past few days and hes noticed. he thinks it for that. it wsnt. its becasue of everything else. and tehn that poppe dup and it trigegred. everyting. so my question is. How do i get over it, he said hes changed and in a way he has. to a point. he is still mean in his ways of talking. he isnt as affectionet but he can work on that. Again we had an argument and he thought it was the paper. maybe it was what made me sadder but that wasnt it.
So agian how do i deal with this. thinking about what happend. im terrified about it happening again and about thim lying. It took me 4 years to find all this out he was that good. i trusted him that much thought it was me so i tried to be a better wife.. no matter what i did it wasnt good enough. he didnt want me. so why now? why does he want me now. and how do i trust him. im trying to save an argument but i cant stopp thinking. maybe he has another phone another bank account. see what i mean. How do i get over it and trust him. he said hes changed i came back to be with him becaue he cried all the time over the phone when iwas gone. and begged me back for 8 months.. said i was the only one for him. we were supose to be 2gether. and so im back but dealing with this anxiety. can you help???? I want to trust him i want to be a good wife . Help me
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