Am I being silly??

**Guest** · 03-03-2010, 11:39 AM

have you told him exactly that? dont forget, men (well, some men) have that whole having to pay for everything thing going on in their head. i am sure he appreciates your trying to pay, but it may be something he's just not comfortable with.

and if he's not comfortable with you paying, just give him crazy sloppy hot sex after dinner.

what guy wouldnt like that?

**kygirl** · 03-03-2010, 11:43 AM

Originally posted by sperosi

have you told him exactly that? dont forget, men (well, some men) have that whole having to pay for everything thing going on in their head. i am sure he appreciates your trying to pay, but it may be something he's just not comfortable with.

and if he's not comfortable with you paying, just give him crazy sloppy hot sex after dinner.

what guy wouldnt like that?

I did tell him that. He didn't say anything really (granted we are talking over email because we are both at work). He did say he wanted me to put the money on my CC instead. I know he's trying to help, and I feel like maybe I can bring it up later. I mean, I do pay for some things. I've bought tickets to a comedy show we went to and a play we went to and I made dinner like 4 times with food I purchased, but he usually pays so I know he pays for one moderate meal a week normally and usually breakfast at least once on the weekend, and usually drinks once a weekend and a lunch. It all adds up I know.

I just dont think he's gonna let me win this one, but it kinda makes me not want to go to the dinner now because I don't want him to feel like he has to take me and pay for it.

It's not his responsibility to pay off my debt and now that I am living below my means, I would like to do something nice occassionally, ya know?

**Guest** · 03-03-2010, 11:55 AM

did you tell him this:

but it kinda makes me not want to go to the dinner now because I don't want him to feel like he has to take me and pay for it. ???

**kygirl** · 03-03-2010, 11:58 AM

Originally posted by sperosi

did you tell him this:

but it kinda makes me not want to go to the dinner now because I don't want him to feel like he has to take me and pay for it. ???

No because I have mixed feelings about that too.

On the one hand, I am always very appreciate to him for dinners. I say thank you regularly and tell him how much I enjoyed it, etc. If he wants to pay, I think I should appreciate that...BUT

On the other hand, I don't want him to wake up in 3-4 months and be like, well that's great that she's paying off her debt, but I'm out wining and dining her.

Seeing him is what really matters to me, but I don't want to seem ungrateful because I feel like he does enjoy doing things together and trying new places... I am definitely going to bring it up when we hang out tomorrow night, but I don't want to sound unappreciative or like I'm being silly?

**newhere808** · 03-03-2010, 12:01 PM

As a guy who likes to pay stuff, I will say it's gonna take some time to get him to warm up to the idea of passing the check. You could make a game of it (depending on his sense of humor) go out, let him think he's paying, and when the check is brought out playfully snatch it with a coy smile on your face.

It may just take you explaining a few times that on occaision you want to do something to show him how much you appreciate him, and the things he does etc etc and that when he insists on paying for such things, it cheapens the idea behind them. He may be adamant about paying for things, but I doubt he'd want you to feel bad for it.

**Guest** · 03-03-2010, 12:04 PM

if you cant have those kind of conversations now, what makes you think you'll be able to later if you become more serious?

tell him exactly what you wrote here. it says it all, doesnt it????

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-03-2010, 12:06 PM

I think what you should start doing is changing your idea of what you consider a nice dinner. There are ways that you can treat him that won't break your bank, but still allow you to feel inside like you are carrying your wieght in the relationship.

Why not for every dinner he takes you out to, you make him one at home. Even if you are not a good cook... the time and effort it takes is a lot more than just shelling out money for someone meal you will only enjoy for an hour.

And when you DO want to treat him to a nice dinner out... It doesn't have to be some fancy place for you guys to have a good time, ky. Pick some hole in the wall place to discover new untapped talents on the culinary scene

Do your homework search online for places that have good food and or atmosphere that you can pay for without hurting your wallet.

**ren_07** · 03-03-2010, 12:08 PM

Men are providers. Your credit card debt is probably kicking his natural instinct to take care of you into high gear. It's very hard for a man to succumb to letting his woman pay regardless (if he's a good and true guy, that is!)

I would suggest splitting the bill so he at least feels he has some active participation in the payment. That seems to be what he really wants and he may enjoy your outing less if he doesn't have some compromise. Doing this now will also ease him into accepting that you will be paying sometimes for your outings in the future.

**kygirl** · 03-03-2010, 12:14 PM

Originally posted by sperosi

if you cant have those kind of conversations now, what makes you think you'll be able to later if you become more serious?

tell him exactly what you wrote here. it says it all, doesnt it????

It's not that I can't tell him. I do plan to talk to him briefly when I see him tomorrow. I just didn't want to continue over email while we are at work.

I don't think he'll mind, but I understand his fears..I think it's going to fall back on my credit card debt. But that's not going to be gone for another 12-16 months. I dont' want him to feel obligated to pay till then

Am I being silly??

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