[nubianqueen]

If I were you, I would ignore all comments about his culture or race from your parents. BUT, if they actually worry that he's not good enough for you for other, more legitimate reasons, I would consider their opinions carefully. My parents ended up being right, in the end, about that relationship I mentioned.

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hmmm......what exactly were they right about? was it something specific about him that they were suspicions of (like he has 2 kids with different women type of thing or that he was lazy)? I'm just wondering, because one of the issues that my folks have is that he wont be able to take care of me type of thing.....(they'd rather me be with some doctor or something to that extent)

[Mes T]

Well yeah all parents want financial stability for their children. My parents also wanted (and still want) me to marry a doctor, lawyer, etc, and this has always infuriated me for several reasons, one of them being that if I wanted, IIIIIIII could make a lot of money and take care of myself. And it has nothing to do with the person I'm dating.

I dunno. Some people still have the "disney princess syndrome." Wait for your prince to come, sweep you off your feet, and then you can live an easy life not lifting a single finger while your man goes and does all the work.

There's no reason why you won't be able to take care of yourself. If they're just worried about HIM getting a high paying job, I would personally ignore them on that. Unless they think that he's going to become a complete BUM, in which case you really need to be careful, as there are some people who can be perfectly happy mooching off their partners and just creating stress and resentment for the other person.

My parents were just right in general... that he wasn't the one for me... yeah some of their reasons were racist and unnecessarily judgmental, but I did end up changing in many negative ways while I was with this person, and they picked up on that. My dietary choices became bizarre, I started having less friends, I spoke to my family less often... those kinds of things.

[nubianqueen]

....and that's the thing....he's the EXACT opposite of a bum. he works hard, he's not mooching off of me (even though my parents more than likely think he is). i dont think that i have changed in any negative ways (at least no one has told me i have). i think their issues are the race/culture thing and then of course the money thing as well. the race/culture thing i can do nothing about; as for the money thing....i know better than to hop into a lifelong committment with someone who cant even hold thier own. so, aside from those things....i really dont know what else to do.

[Mes T]

If race/culture is really the only thing, then there is not much you CAN do other than just wait it out. In time, it's likely that they'll warm up to him.

I can understand your parents' pov. They want a son in law that they can have something in common with, things they can share with him.

Your boyfriend can help a lot by learning about YOUR culture, or maybe hobbies that your parents have, anything that can let them make some sort of connection with this guy.

I know what you're going through. My current boyfriend is also from a different culture (same race though, so at least that part's a little easier). My family is Russian, and luckily my boyfriend is interested in Russian literature and wants to pick up some of the language... It's not much, but it's definitely a positive start.

[nubianqueen]

and that's the thing too!! my bf is very interested in my cultural background (he'll eat the food, watch the cultural movies, etc). So i dunno........i was hoping that after 5 years, something would have happened by now. maybe my parents just haven't quite warmed up to him yet b/c it wasnt until recently that he started to come around more often than before. but i will definitely keep ur advice in mind!!