[h0ney]

Your happy to be with someone who you know "used" another person, knowingly?

Off course she's not thread, your well aware of your strength and that, he only admires "strength".

It's not her fault.. It's his fault, you need to see things clearer I think... Off course, she's going to try to win him back, she only did all that she did, because she fell in love.

I can't see how you can be peeved off with her at all...She is in love sweet and you need to understand what your boyfriend is capable of doing to you one day, when he no longer feels the love..

After all, put yourself in her shoes...

I'd feel sorry for her and I would personally, respectfully, irispective of love, question why the heck I am going out with a guy who used someone, like a piece of meat and like a piece of green American paper, for his own self gain.

Sorry.

CW

shes the victim(sweet and innocent) and hes the monster in this apparently. it IS partially her fault, you can only let someone do something like this if you ALLOW them to. she knowingly let someone in her house who could not contribute. he told her upfront that he couldnt pay so she obviously didnt have a PROBLEM with being used. what happened there financially really has nothing to do with me and no he will never use me like that. 2.5 years later he knows im not weak in that regards and he cant get over on me financially, so thats not even a concern for me.

but i also feel sorry for her, that she moved a man into her house after a cpl of months of dating maybe due to loneliness even though she knew he couldnt help out. im in love to, doesnt mean ill pay for everything while he does nothing, there is some common sense there. so the 'she did this because she fell in love reasoning' doesnt make sense to me.

maybe your not seeing it clearly you even stated that she may be trying to win him back but you say in the same paragraph that i shouldnt be peeved with her? shes calling MY boyfriend after 4.5months of no contact for support she should be getting elsewhere, not from him.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Totally agree, what was. Was. Therefore, he's with you and she has no right to call, try to win him back. Not saying that she does.

I guess, I'm just a little concerned that your ditching it all on her, and forgiving him, and blaming her, that she's weak.

It's fantastic that your a strong minded person, so am I. It's fantastic that you won't be used, nor do I. I'm glad that you do feel sorry for her, that's the point I am trying to make, but also, that he knowingly "used her" and that, you have to see, in-case one day, he breaks your heart.

Morals. Tells me, that you don't do that...

I saw it clearly, you shouldn't be peeved with her, you should feel sorry for her that she's weak, allowed this all to happen. No, she's not a victim. She made her own bed. No, he's not a monster, but he DID use her, knowingly.

Why?

Because the whole time, he was trying to win you back.. The whole time, he was still persuing you.. That means, he knowingly used her.

That's why I have a concern of his nature, his morals and your future...

Just saying.

CW

[h0ney]

Totally agree, what was. Was. Therefore, he's with you and she has no right to call, try to win him back. Not saying that she does.

I guess, I'm just a little concerned that your ditching it all on her, and forgiving him, and blaming her, that she's weak.

It's fantastic that your a strong minded person, so am I. It's fantastic that you won't be used, nor do I. I'm glad that you do feel sorry for her, that's the point I am trying to make, but also, that he knowingly "used her" and that, you have to see, in-case one day, he breaks your heart.

Morals. Tells me, that you don't do that...

I saw it clearly, you shouldn't be peeved with her, you should feel sorry for her that she's weak, allowed this all to happen. No, she's not a victim. She made her own bed. No, he's not a monster, but he DID use her, knowingly.

Why?

Because the whole time, he was trying to win you back.. The whole time, he was still persuing you.. That means, he knowingly used her.

That's why I have a concern of his nature, his morals and your future...

Just saying.

CW

as i stated before i never said she was to blame entirely for this, i said PARTIALLY. but you seem to be in the mindset that it is on him completely.

i dont have a major issue with what he did for the simple fact that he was upfront with her prior to moving in, and she seemed content with taking care of him. so what was done was done as far as that is concerned.

and as stated in the OP i did say i was concerned that he was keeping in touch with me while with this person. i never forgave for all of the choices he made while seperated. im not blind to it, she got the short end of the stick for sure.

but now that we have reconciled and he has shared openly with me about all of this i do have respect for him, he couldve easily hid his bad choices, so he is making amends and for that i will forgive. we're not perfect. if he ever were to break from me in hindsight it wont be because of what she experienced.

and i can walk away and move on as i did in the past with no problems.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

as i stated before i never said she was to blame entirely for this, i said PARTIALLY. but you seem to be in the mindset that it is on him completely.

Did I?

No, she's not a victim. She made her own bed. No, he's not a monster, but he DID use her, knowingly.

As long as YOU are happy, and you both, move on from this, and he never uses you, then there are no issues...

I don't think he could have hid anything though, considering she rings/has rung, you would have found out.

Forgiveness is a good thing... I hope things work out for you, but I'm glad that you are a strong person who won't take carp...

Nothing wrong with me seeing a side that you don't, after all that's what "opinions" are called...

I think that he needs to call her in-front of you, state to her that he is back with you and can not assist her, appreciates what she did for him, but he would prefer no contact, as he has MORALS and therefore, wishes to RESPECT you.... then delete her number....

CW

[h0ney]

Did I?



As long as YOU are happy, and you both, move on from this, and he never uses you, then there are no issues...

I don't think he could have hid anything though, considering she rings/has rung, you would have found out.

Forgiveness is a good thing... I hope things work out for you, but I'm glad that you are a strong person who won't take carp...

Nothing wrong with me seeing a side that you don't, after all that's what "opinions" are called...

I think that he needs to call her in-front of you, state to her that he is back with you and can not assist her, appreciates what she did for him, but he would prefer no contact, as he has MORALS and therefore, wishes to RESPECT you.... then delete her number....

CW

i dont how he couldnt have hid it. i dont have access to his phone, we live an hour apart from eachother, so we dont see eachother very often. so he couldve easily kept all of this to himsself.

i have no problem with different opinions i just dont like having someone tell me im saying one thing when i clearly stated something different. i.e 'shes 100% to blame'

if at any given time she calls back i will ask that he tell her not to call, but thanks for the input.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Lol's... well sweet, I'm not going to argue with you, clearly I've pointed out several times that it's called "love" she was/is in "love".... and well, I'll leave it at that shall I.

But, it would be interesting if this wasn't a one way conversation, between us and other's chimed in and tell us what they actually see..

CW

[Ashlee T.]

h0ney, its important to understand that on here sometimes people will give you advice or their opinion based on what they perceive you're saying, not verbatem the actual words you've said. And you will not find someone purposely trying to offend you (else they wouldn't be here)....so please understand that any advice comes from well wishes.

You're strong. You don't take any garbage . We get that...and those are very admirable qualities. Your boyfriend knows that too. But I can tell you I'm very much the same way, but when a guy wants to lie and be deceitful, he'll do it regardless of who you are or whether or not you'll take his garbage .

Something inside of you is telling you that something isn't right here. You knew it from the first time you found out about her. He kept stuff from you. He kept stuff from her too, right? And now you're wondering just how far the dishonesty will go.

Maybe she's just one of those crazy looney ben stalker type of girls....... but there are sirens going off in my head over this guy. They've been broken up for how long and she's calling him on various occasions? If truth be known, I bet she has gotten more feedback from him than you realize. Not necessarily that he's cheating, but I feel that he's not being totally honest with you. If it were me, I'd have to confront it, and I'd have to follow my intuition.

Regardless, the situation you're in stinks.....and I'm sorry you're having to deal with that BS. You seem like a smart girl and I have no doubt you deserve better.