[LaurieX]

Hey guys
So Im with this guy and iv been with him for a few weeks now, and i really like him.

Problem::
I told my best friend and she hates me now. She said that she has never been able to get over him, but i didnt even know they had been going out! i asked him about it and he said they had been together but she didnt want people to know so they had kept it quiet and she ended up breaking up with him. Their stories matched so i know hes not lieing.

Shes really angry with me and shes been really harsh toward me. shes tried to turn a lot of my friends against me, but they have stuck by me.
I didnt do anything to hurt her, and as far as im concerned i havent done anything to deserve this.
If she wanted him she should have kept hold of him right?
I want my best friend back but i want my boyfriend too. I have no idea how to fix this
please help
xox

[Hopeless Dork]

If you really didn't know that she had this relationship with this guy than its her fault for not telling you. It really is not the best move to go for a best friends guy, even if its a long time ex as its always going to cause problems.

But if you didn't know it was her ex, and have developed feelings for this guy, its not fair of her to ask you to end it.

However, she may not want to hang out with you for a while and you'll have to understand that. If her heart is hurt over him the last thing she wants to do is see him with anyone , much less to see him with someone that she cares about. Its a double whammy.

You'd have to avoid talking about him and making her feel awkward but at the same time its not fair that you aren't able to share how you feel to your friend.

So you guys having some distance right now while she adjusts to this situation might not be a bad idea. If you guys have a meaningful friendship she'll come back along eventually.

[ocularone]

If she wanted him she should have kept hold of him right?xox

Exactly what i was thinking as i was reading your post. Honestly Laurie, sometimes you have to ask yourself why you are even holding on to some friendships. This girl is obviously just being jealous and selfish for no (rational) reason. The deal-breaker for me with my friend would have been when she attempted to ostracize you from the rest of your friends. This girl obviously doesn't hold your friendship in high regards whatsoever. If you like him, and he wasn't lying or anything like that. I personally would probably end up cutting the friend instead of cutting the guy. I understand you want both, but ask yourself this question: Do you really even want a friend that would treat you this way??

[ocularone]

Dork does however bring up a good point (she always does ) about her just being hurt over one that she dated before. I guess i really wouldnt understand why she would be hurt since SHE dumped HIM but i am not all-knowing .I guess i just don't see any justification in treating a friend like she did you for ANY reason. Especially one that was beyond your knowledge or control.

[Hopeless Dork]

I think it stems from no matter if you dog a guy out or he does you that way... its your friends that hold the tub of ice cream for you and wipe your tears. A lot of times a girl will break up with a guy they really because they hurt them. So even if they're the dumper there is pain. Especially since a lot of people will just start treating a partner like dirt rather than break up and let the partner be the bad guy when they can't take it anymore :P

(not saying thats what happened here) but there are lots of reasons a girl would still be hung up on a guy they ended a relationship with. But after they do, they don't want their friends to be friends with that guy...he's the enemy when he's the ex... especially for the younger crowd. So to have your best friend not only be close to the guy you use to be with but dating him can be enough to break apart a friendship.

But like occularone said... the things she did to try to turn ppl against you etc... reveals the nature of a vindictive person and thats not someone you really need on your team anyway.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

The fact that your friends are standing by you, tells you that you have done nothing wrong and that it is what you call "bad luck" on her behalf.

She has to evaluate her friendship, and realise it's not your fault and re-connect, or if not, then she has a side to her that you don't really need or want in your life and sometimes, as much as we like a person, we have to let go of them...

It's really her call...

CW

[LaurieX]

aww thank you so much guys, we are kinda on speaking terms now, but its "because its just easier this way" <--- to put it in her words
but whatever floats her boat.
xox

[Guest]

give her a little time. she doesnt have a legitimate reason to be upset with you, but it'll take a bit of time for her to realize that.