[sarahlee20]

Hey Everyone! It's me. I know I keep talking about my old posts and my seemingly endless relationship with my ex. For the people who has read my old posts this is where i'm at in my current situation. While trying to breakup/ take a break from my ex fiance while he still is living with me isn't working out very well like i had hoped. Well being that we are still under the same roof it is becomming more difficult. When we aren't together and being "just friends" He does everything on his own and keeps up the house and works alot and goes to school and then some. What I am confused about is our we friends or bf and gf? Or a friends with benefits ? I am so confused on this situation. I love him and want to be close to him but i think we do better when we're just friends. We are trying counsoling Tuesday to see what happens.It's just hard because we live etogether and he origanilly lived 2k miles away. A part of me still loves him and wants to be close to him then another part tells me to let go.I think the reason that part of me s till feels that way is because when we're not together and just friends feels good. HE is sweet and kind and loving and good to me.I mean he has good qualties and bad.From what i wrote on here about things I worried about with him he's working n them and fixing them all! But while we were together i had to beg him to do these things. Like a few nights ago when we were broken up (he was sleeping on the couch) I wanted him to come sleep with me. I just missed having someone in the bed with me. We ended up having sex. While it felt good in the present the day after i felt horriable. What to do? Advice only please who's read my other posts or from people who can relate and have been in situation .thank you

[Hopeless Dork]

I think in the past you kind of overthought the relationship. I'm guilty of it, many people are. If you look at your posting history when you guys were a couple it seems you found a way to doubt every little thing about him.

Now that you have broken up... you are finding every little way to doubt yourself. I'm not saying that you are causing the problems, but that your overanalyzing of every little detail rather than just focusing on being happy either with him or without him is leading you to more complications that necessary.

If he makes you happy, if he treats you good, if he's the one you want... be with him.

If he makes you miserable, if he treats you bad, if you're only with him cause you're scared of being alone... let him go.

But if you get back with him and go back to picking apart every little thing about him you don't like you're going to be right back here.

If you stay broken up, but pick apart every little thing that makes you feel like you should stay you're going to end up back with him.

I think the cycle that needs to break is the compulsive over analyzing of the relationship in general. Sit and take some time to decide if he's what you really want for your life and if he is... learn to be happy with that choice and don't second guess him and you at every opportunity.

If you end up deciding he's not what you want in your life, be confident with that decision and start making changes that will help you to move forward.

[Ashlee T.]

HD is right. Stop over-thinking this. Find something productive to occupy your time. Exercise, do things with friends, read, etc. You're using too much of your unused energy on over-thinking his and your every move.

You broke up for a reason. What was that reason?

Are you in fear of not having HIM (the WHOLE person) in your life? Or are you in fear of not having SOMEONE in your life and in fear of having to "start over"?. Often, the latter of the two is the true answer......

And if that is the answer, then spread your wings, find your independence, and know that you're perfect one is still out there. That's a pretty exciting feeling!

[kygirl]

I'm with everyone else. I seriously overanalyze everything. I know your prior posts have really been a rollercoaster. The fact is though, that no one really knows but you. Sometimes we love people and accept their flaws and we decide we'd rather love them for who they are than to be with anyone else. BUT you have to ask yourself like BD said, if you want to be with HIM or just don't want to be alone.

It's especially hard when you're under the same roof, but from my past experience, it's always easy to remember only the good stuff when it's over, but there were reasons why you broke up. Are they worth moving on?? Can you say without a doubt that you think this is a healthy relationship and you want to be with this person?? Change is scary but as BD said, it can be exciting too.

Good luck dear!

[b02001]

I have to say I have perhaps not the same quantity of issues, but very similar ones with my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years. We don't live together, but the future of him maturity and financially wise worries me just as much as it does for you.

What it came down to for me right now is that I would make myself sick wondering should I stay and wait for him to change? I mean, it is true that you can't change a person, but if they just need some time to mature or get through a rough spot in their life, shouldn't I just be patient and supportive rather than adding to their problems? OR should I completely focus on what I want for the future and just let him go, and hope I do find someone that has all of his good qualities as well as the maturity and financial stability that I need in a person I would consider spending my life with?

Many tearful, anxious, sleepless nights later, I came to this conclusion. He knows that I am unhappy about where he is in certain areas of his life. He know that I love him and would want to be with him, probably forever if those problems weren't there. So I am being upfront with him, not leaving him out of the loop of how I am feeling. Therefore, since I am very happy with him when I am not overworking my brain and stressing myself out about our future or lack thereof, I will stay in the relationship, at the level that we are at now. It was the only decision that gave me an inner peace about everything. So what if he makes me happy for a few years and that is all? Then I had a great few years, and in the grand scheme of life, I didn't waste that much time before settling down. (and I am already 26, so you still have plenty of time) If everything sorts itself out and he grows up to where I can respect him and want him as a husband and the father or my children, then it was well worth the wait. So, until something changes to make me say positively, yes, we are both ready to commit to a permanent relationship, or no, he is not changing enough and I have to move on, I am enjoying what I have and not worrying about tomorrow.

So, calm down, deep breaths, and go with what gives you peace. I wish you the best.

[im lost and found]

Hello every one and I would like to first say i am her boyfriend and the truth of the matter is I love her and I believe she is the one for me. I gave her the ring perhaps to early which made her probably add extra worry. im new to relationships and hope that this one works out, but it was never my intention to hurt her at all, I need my own independance and I think the break up was good because it showed me how much i really care for her and despite everything every one has told me to do I still want to try to make this work with her. I love you sarahlee and I always will. I want whats best for you and whats best for your future. If it doesnt work out I will always be your friend. You dont have to worry all the time, im making headway and trying to improve on my qualities. I wont give up hope for you and I just refuse to quit on our relationship. You need to go find things to do without me and with me to mix it up. Find yourself and be happy with who you really are. And I love you with all my heart and soul. Let peace guide your worries away and just have a good time. Love always Kyle.

[sarahlee20]

I have to say I have perhaps not the same quantity of issues, but very similar ones with my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years. We don't live together, but the future of him maturity and financially wise worries me just as much as it does for you.

What it came down to for me right now is that I would make myself sick wondering should I stay and wait for him to change? I mean, it is true that you can't change a person, but if they just need some time to mature or get through a rough spot in their life, shouldn't I just be patient and supportive rather than adding to their problems? OR should I completely focus on what I want for the future and just let him go, and hope I do find someone that has all of his good qualities as well as the maturity and financial stability that I need in a person I would consider spending my life with?

Many tearful, anxious, sleepless nights later, I came to this conclusion. He knows that I am unhappy about where he is in certain areas of his life. He know that I love him and would want to be with him, probably forever if those problems weren't there. So I am being upfront with him, not leaving him out of the loop of how I am feeling. Therefore, since I am very happy with him when I am not overworking my brain and stressing myself out about our future or lack thereof, I will stay in the relationship, at the level that we are at now. It was the only decision that gave me an inner peace about everything. So what if he makes me happy for a few years and that is all? Then I had a great few years, and in the grand scheme of life, I didn't waste that much time before settling down. (and I am already 26, so you still have plenty of time) If everything sorts itself out and he grows up to where I can respect him and want him as a husband and the father or my children, then it was well worth the wait. So, until something changes to make me say positively, yes, we are both ready to commit to a permanent relationship, or no, he is not changing enough and I have to move on, I am enjoying what I have and not worrying about tomorrow.

So, calm down, deep breaths, and go with what gives you peace. I wish you the best.

Thank you bo2001, I could totally relate to your post. I hope someday I can find happiness and worry less like you have done. Like I said I do love him and I am just confused not to mention that it's not only rough in our relationship but we don't have the best home life because of it. It adds even more stress on us. We are trying counsoling today hoping it could shed some light on the real PROBLEM. At one point I thought I was ready to commit without seeing his true colors as in i was blind in love maybe when he first gave me the ring. Then my mom moved someone in and it ALL changed. Now its like she's not even happy with me So all in all i just want to give up and quit but i am trying not to as in i got things to look forward to. Just really a stressful hard emotional time. I really hope i can sometime be truely happy in the present and not wait for the future to be happy.