[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well with the way you've explained the character of this guy, I'm pretty sure that he will see that himself upon meeting.. (I was going to write that at the end but forgot, lol's).

But, also then, you have to point out that what's important is that you have cash to fly out and see him and in an alternative situation you won't have that cash and the relationship will be severely strained, unless he can afford to fly out to see you instead and help with the payments of rent, over that year

Put it back on him

CW

[rcoreyus]

If you live with someone you learn a lot about them. That could turn into friendship - and more.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

He's being a whiny girl, just do it if it makes sense.

I've lived with people in relationships before, so have millions of other people.... Maybe I only say this living in London where you pretty much HAVE TO houseshare.

I just got a new 24 year old girl with a boyfriend moving in today, to a house of two men.

[cuff]

We're guys and we know how other guys are. That's probably the problem. If a guy is sharing an apartment with someone he finds attractive, there may be an attempt to act on it. That's not saying you will do anything. Don't see it as him as being some controlling monster. Any guy with half a brain is going to question his girlfriend living with another guy. Whether he admits it or not. When he meets this guy and doesn't see him as a threat, he'll probably feel better with it.

[caterpillar79]

Oh yes that is the plan! The last few times my bf was in town my friend was gone those weekends so they have yet to meet. So my guy is coming in 2 weeks and I'm going to make sure they get to know each other.

Good plan. The more he gets to know the room mate, the better he'll be able to measure how to handle this new scheme.

Has it been discussed that he moves to your area and get a job there is ever possible? Or at least help you with the rent so as not to compromise you with this set-up?

[Fish]

Has it been discussed that he moves to your area and get a job there is ever possible? Or at least help you with the rent so as not to compromise you with this set-up?

Well my bf is moving in August to go to grad school in Texas, and of course budget cuts means he won't receive much funding, so he will have to pay most of his tuition and living expenses out of pocket. Last night he said he would get another job to help pay the difference of my living expenses if I lived alone...which is ridiculous seeing as though he needs to come up with money for himself first. I don't have time to get another job, seeing as though I'll be spending 60+ hours in the lab every week.

This whole thing is becoming a bigger ordeal than I thought it would. Ideally I will live alone, but if I can't find a cheap enough place that I feel comfortable in, then I'm really going to have to reconsider my options, possibly living with a stranger, although I don't see how that would make him feel any more comfortable. This is not worth stressing my relationship over. I have found 2 places for $600 inclusive, which is do-able [but still over $200/month more than I'd pay sharing], so we're going to go look at those places next weekend.

[Fish]

I've lived with people in relationships before, so have millions of other people....

Apparently he googled "girlfriend living with another guy" and found that all of these situations end badly...which I find hard to believe, especially knowing myself and knowing my friend.

Gahh why can't this be simple!

[Fish]

Put it back on him

I did that last night, and he said of course he wouldn't mind flying out at least once a month to spend time with me, or paying for my plane ticket. Then he raised the question of how awkward our weekends together would be, with another guy in the apartment...which I really didn't think of before. It would be quite awkward if my friend walked in on us or heard us...

[Ashlee T.]

I agree that I think he's being a bit controlling. There are lots of people who live in coed situations because sometimes it's the easiest option and some people are just more compatible living mates with the opposite sex.

I could understand if he felt threatened by the guy, but based on what you say, I don't think that's the case. And in regards to the guy possibly bringing friends over....... I think if you were rooming with a girl she could bring random guys over too. "Yeah, bring your friend too I have a really cute roomate!" type thing.

You two have been together for some time, you've shared a very special bond together and if he's truly confident and happy with the relationship, he needs to ease up a bit. I understand being concerned, I understand talking about it, but he needs to trust your judgment. If he doesn't, this will only be the tip of the iceberg where problems are concerned.

Bottom line, you have to do what is right for you. You are respectful of his feelings, you love him, you trust him, but you shouldn't put yourself in a financial bind just to appease him. And frankly, he shouldn't be willing to put either of you in a bind just to appease himself.

Maybe when he meets the guy it will get better. And tell him you're going to google "long distance relationships" and are sure you will get lots of negative results......does that mean you shouldn't be together? No it doesn't. His google search is "bogus". You can find ANYTHING that agrees or disagrees with ANYTHING on the net.

[pretzel]

Here's the questions from both sides as I see it,

From his perspective,

He's moving away (possibly for the first or second time) to a new town and a new school. This may well be the first time the 2 of you haven't been together for any length of time in the 3 1/2 years.

He'll be under the same pressures you'll be under, being in a new place, few friends, tight budget.

From your perspective,

You're moving to a new town and school (possibly for the first or second time). This will be the first time the 2 of you haven't been together for any length of time in 3 1/2 years.

You'll be in a new place, few friends and tight on money.

No matter, time and space apart is just as big a problem as money. The relationship that was local is now becoming long distance for at least the next 2 years.

Is it a trust issue more than a financial issue. Or is it a fear issue?