[Hopeless Dork]

I would not advise disclosing these dreams to your gf. Its nothing you have made a choice to do so its not something that you should feel guilty about or something you feel your hiding if you don't disclose.

I would not be mad at my boyfriend for dreaming about his ex... but hearing of those dreams would create an insecurity that need not exsist.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

[ocularone]

I would not advise disclosing these dreams to your gf. Its nothing you have made a choice to do so its not something that you should feel guilty about or something you feel your hiding if you don't disclose.

I would not be mad at my boyfriend for dreaming about his ex... but hearing of those dreams would create an insecurity that need not exsist.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

i think i needed to hear that. We have such an honest and open relationship that i've felt like i was hiding something from her. However, i wouldn't feel too awesome if she were dreaming about her ex..even when it means nothing and is out of her control. the very last thing i want to do is make her feel insecure or question my feelings towards her...

[kygirl]

I looked up in an online dream dictionary of what an ex represents in a dream, symbolically at least :

Ex
To dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or that you and your ex got back together again, suggests that something or someone in your current life that is bringing out similar feelings you felt during the relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to the same or similar behavior in a current relationship. What you learn from that previous relationship may need to be applied to the present one so that you do no repeat the same mistake. Alternatively, past lovers often highlight the positive experiences you had with that person.�It could also signify aspects of yourself that you have x'd out or neglected.

In response to this, I have dreams about being happy with the exes, which I think makes what HD said very true/likely. I have these dreams a lot when I start to have *good* feelings with whomever I'm with. It seems off, but if you are truly happy now, perhaps your subconscious is truly just replaying off the emotions you felt at good points in the past.

It makes sense. I also have a bad habit of thinking one thing about a person and they appear in my dreams. Def wouldn't tell the new gf though.

[Hopeless Dork]

You recently opened up about your ex in one of the threads here to help someone who was worried about their boyfriend putting their guard up because of their past (hmm wonder who that was? lol) anyways... like ky says some times dreams can be generated by just the most simple thought...

And you digging in to that part of your past to share your feelings about the present may have caused you to have those dreams.

I'll dream about someone I saw on tv, male , female whatever... of no signficance just because my brain retained some stupid thing and it spits out during its juggling around of info while I sleep.

Don't feel bad about not disclosing the dream. Its like calling her up to tell her you farted this morning. It was just a biological function you had no control over, much like a dream... and those types of things are better left unsaid.

[ocularone]

Its like calling her up to tell her you farted this morning.

HAHAHA...I'll have to try that. Sounds awfully romantic

[stressed]

You are not in control of your dreams. I understand your need to tell your girlfriend about them, but she won't gain anything from it because it doesn't mean anything to you at all. You have no feelings towards your ex whatsoever. People tend to even have sex dreams they have no control over. Your partner doesn't need to know, because you forget them as soon as you're awake, while your partner will wonder if your brain is giving you hints about your ex, if you think about her often, if, if... It won't achieve anything.

As long as you are 100% sure that your ex is in the past, you don't miss what you had with her and you are more than happy with your current girlfriend: let it go. If it would have happened once, then maybe, just to laugh about it, but it's a recurring dream and that can hurt her. I wouldn't want to know such a thing and I don't tell him when I see such dreams. Dreaming and daydreaming are not the same thing.

Plus, the more you think and worry about it the more chances there are that you'll dream about her again :-P

[Hopeless Dork]

HAHAHA...I'll have to try that. Sounds awfully romantic

lol. No i mean its important to share your thoughts.. your feelings... your experiences of the day, but dreams aren't your 'thoughts' there just some random scramble of memories/data/fantasy/fears and just weird junk in general.

But even though we all KNOW... they are not controllable.. How many people had a dream their s.o was cheating or being a douchebag in some form and woke up feeling mad at them for no good reason other than the stupid dream? lol.

As much as we know dreams are generally much ado about nothing we can interperet them, see them as premonitions and warnings... and overall let them mess up our day when they don't need to.

My guy telling me he's been dreaming of his ex... no matter how much he told me he doesn't think of her, that he loves me only and has no idea why he dreamed of her.. I would feel sad inside and start to worry if he does think of her more than he says.

It would definitely ruin my day and plant little unecessary seeds of doubt so its something id rather not hear.

Not long ago I had a dream I was trying on clothes in the mall and suddenly decided I should masturbate in there and when the store clerk came in I groped her boobs. I am not a lesbian and I would never do such a thing in real life... don't want to. Don't want to masturbate in a changing stall forever 21 and certainly don't want to sexually harass its employees. It was just a silly dream :P

[ocularone]

yea of course i know a dream is a dream in my head..i think i was more upset with the way i was FEELING when having these dreams. It felt...nice in a way. As i have been thinking about it and taking into consideration everyones great viewpoints on it, i think i have realized that even though i was over the relationship with my ex..i havent really ever understood why she behaved the way she did AFTER our breakup. Looking back, i remember that for months i racked my brain over why she could just lose feelings for me. Not only that, but her mindset and opinion towards me magically and mysteriously shifted to a point of her treating me like i was sub-human. That oart is what the most painful part of that breakup was, for me. I mourned the losing of my girlfriend and a love...but i was far more hurt in the absolute loss of our friendship. This is a woman who looked up to me. She thought i was a good man. Strong, brilliant, funny...those were things she loved about me..then when she broke up with me, i was none of those things anymore. I was an annoyance, a stray dog. I never could understand that. I think my dreams a a partial reflection of my need to understand that. I never could understand "Just because i'm not your boyfriend, doesn't change who i am as a person". I spent a long time after the breakup just wanting her to at least treat me as an equal..but that never happened. Maybe subconsciously i still want that..not HER..but at least some sort of kindness from her? Does that make sense?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

That's the closure.. You prefer to be able to remember her always in a good light and that of you, from her but the ending wasn't good.

Maybe that was her defense? Kicking in....... by ensuring your not friends, means she can put you in her past and move on...

People come into our lives for a reason, sometimes for lessons to be learn't and then move on...

If you can take something or somethings worthwhile from that relationship, then you've succeeded from that relationship.

We can't change the way people choose to find their closure.

We are not all the same people.

Now that your in this relationship and so happy in it, don't look for more closure such as contacting her, writing to her, asking her why she was that way at the end, or being your friend now.. That chapter of your life is over, un-fortunately. It's the way the Universe works....

Look at just "mates" that you were close to and I bet you see the same pattern, they were there, now they are not, off course you still have heeps of mates, I'm just saying look back and you'll find more people that entered and were great and exited and you don't see/speak to them anymore.

CW

[Hopeless Dork]

Usually for the person being broken up with it feels like the break up has come from out of the blue... most times it hasn't. Most times the breaker upper has thought about it for a while by the time they actually go through with it and many will wait until they have something solid lined up before delivering the final blow.

They won't admit to knowing they wanted to end things sooner because they know it will make them sound like a jerk for lying and pretending things were fine while they waited til all their ducks were in a row.

Most people would want to know the second someone starts doubting their feelings or thinking about leaving so that they could start preparing their heart. Instead of counting on that person being there and waking up one day to a 'sorry, i'm just not feeling it'.

More times than not the person ending the relationship is going to try to make it as easy on themselves as possible. Some don't even bother with the break up and just turn into a total douchebag until the other person cant handle it anymore and leaves... which is truly the most cowardly form of break up of all...

Even abandoning with no reason given is more respectful than hurting the person that loves you over an extended period of time until they finally crack.

I wish you could get from her what you needed to hear but truth of the matter... theres nothing she can really say that will make it feel better than it did. I mean she could have tried to leave you feeling as though you were as special to her as you always were just in a different way... but your heart would have still been damaged a bit.

But in a way you have to almost thank her for sparing you a lifetime with someone that doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved, fully and completely. And she could have lost feelings yet still hung on to you but made you feel bad every day when she was distant.

Instead you have a light in your life from your girlfriend now that wouldn't be shining if you hadn't done everything in your life the same exact way to land you in the position you were when you found the 'one'.

I look back at my mistakes and as much as part of wishes I had things to do over, I know that I wouldn't be who I am today without every single incident that has taken me to where I am.

Any variation of my experience in life could have very well changed who I turned out to be... and I'm kinda happy with who I am