[ocularone]

So for the past couple of weeks, i have had a recurring dream. Not exactly the same DREAM per se, just the theme of the dream. It always involves my ex...

Some of you may know, but since most probably don't here is a quick summary of my current status:
I dated my (now) ex for about 4-1/2 years. Very very serious relationship, almost got married. Then it ended out of nowhere. She just lost all feeling for me. That occured a little over a year ago. I have since started dating another woman who is, hands down, the most amazing woman i have ever known, In just the year we have been together, i have more love for her than i was ever even CAPABLE with my ex... HOWEVER, i have been having a frequent and recurring dream about my ex-girlfriend. They are not sexual but are sometimes intimate. Usually it just involved her being very very sweet and kind to me, sometimes wanting me back. (when she broke it off with me she became very..shall we say, unkind) I realize that dream are dreams but honestly it is just really bothering me. I love my girlfriend with all my heart and it is upsetting me i keep having these dreams about another woman. I am usually a completely honest and open person with her and usually speak to her directly about ANYTHING that's bothering me..I think this, on the other hand, would hurt her feelings slightly. Any thoughts on this?

[Mes T]

Wow, your post could have been written by MY boyfriend!

I've had that before, dreams about exs while I was with someone else, and at the end of the day they don't have to mean anything.

You know you've moved on, and for the best, so I don't think this is anything to worry about. Heck I've had random dreams about being intimate with some of my male friends before, and I woke up feeling kind of WEIRD, but... it didn't mean anything.

Heck some of us dream about dragons and magical fairies... They're just dreams, unless you make more of them.

[Joey]

I can honestly say that i know what your going through.
Me and my now ex split up 2 years ago. We were together for 2 years, and like your ex relationship, mine too ended out of the blue when my ex basically said that he wanted a fresh start. Nice.
The guy i am with now is absolutly amazing, and like you said, for the year that i have been with my current boyfriend I could not possibly describe how in love i am with him. the feelings i expereince with him, i never expereinced with my Ex.

I occasionally have dreams about my Ex. Usually they involve my ex being really nice (like yours) and constantly hugging me - which is random. Sometimes it leads me to wake up thinking all the 'what if's' of that past relationship which i hate because i dont want to be thinking of my ex any more.

Personally, i believe that it is something to do with the whole 'closure' of the relationship. The relationship i had with my ex ended on not a mutual ground. He wanted to finish with me becaue of this so called fresh start, whereas i had no intentions of ever wanting to split up with him. Because of this - Even though im now glad that we arent together, especially due to the guy i am with now - because of the way we split, its almost as if you cant really fully close the book on it, especially as it wasnt mutual.

Im probably not making any sense at all here, and i really spologise for that!! I know what you mean about the whole not telling part - i wouldnt tell my guy about my dreams, as i know for a fact that if he told me he was having dreams about his ex i would more then likely feel hurt, even tho like you say a dream is just a dream.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Dreams usually mean something totally different.

They are usually also a non-closure, I suspect your viewing your current relationship with amazement and maybe a tad of fear over the past, it is haunting you, such as the saying " you can't forget your past"..

It seems that she had a hold, was nasty to the end, seems that you are in a happy place but sub-consicously are scared it may end up the same.

The dreams in my opinion are of this.

Let it go.. Past is past, you have your closure, two different women and it doesn't matter what the ex did, or time, history does repeat itself but only if you chose the exact same situation..

I don't believe that you did, this lady is different.

CW

[ocularone]

I don't believe that you did, this lady is different.

CW

you couldnt be more right

Oh and Joey, thanks a bunch for your post. You made absolute sense to me and it really helped me out a lot!

[WildChild]

You might try creating a ceremony of letting go for yourself. Sometimes a symbolic act can help create what we need. Religions have long recognized this and created rituals for this very purpose.
Do you have anything of your ex's or that came from her? Could be physical items, notes or letters, emails you can print out and then delete? Depending on what is appropriate given what the items are, clear them out of your life. If it's something large or clothing - donate it. If it's paper - burn it and let the ashes go in the wind. It helps to verbalize what you are doing and why. For example if you are burning letters, cards or emails, state your intention to lovingly let this person go from your life, that you let go of all negativity associtated with them, you wish them well and that you forgive them and your self.

This can be very healing. Like releasing the ashes when someone has died. The relationship died and in this way you can give yourself pemission to really let go of it and move on.

[Ashlee T.]

I have had these types of dreams before, always well after the fact, always when I really felt like I've moved on, and always about an ex who dumped me. I have attributed this in part to some sense of control. You had no control over her feelings, over her leaving you, and you felt rejected. Even after I stopped wanting my ex back I would have dreams where it was he and I, and even his new girlfriend and he'd be telling me in front of her "you're the one for me. I made a mistake". Did I REALLY want that to happen in reality at that point? No, but I had been rejected, my ego had suffered, my heart had suffered, and this was subconsciously giving me closure. I took this as a sign of my heart and mind truly moving on.

But I know how you feel, you wake up and feel just plain strange for even having dreamed of your ex, and even perhaps a tad guilty over it. But don't. It's normal. You seem like an absolutely wonderful guy, and we all know you are madly in love with your lady........so try not to be too hard on yourself.

Consider it a good thing, your heart healing, your heart getting the closure that your ex never gave you.

[kygirl]

That happens to me ALL the time... And especially when I'm stressed or a bit off. But I agree with BD, consider it your way of getting closure and sometimes things just trigger things subconsciously.

I usually try to think of what might have triggered it, if there was any message in the dream and then move forward.

[Hopeless Dork]

I looked up in an online dream dictionary of what an ex represents in a dream, symbolically at least :

Ex
To dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or that you and your ex got back together again, suggests that something or someone in your current life that is bringing out similar feelings you felt during the relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to the same or similar behavior in a current relationship. What you learn from that previous relationship may need to be applied to the present one so that you do no repeat the same mistake. Alternatively, past lovers often highlight the positive experiences you had with that person.�It could also signify aspects of yourself that you have x'd out or neglected.

[MissMeSha810]

Investigate!!!

Try to break down everything that happened in the dream, then compare it to how things really went down. When you solve the riddle as to why these dreams are occurring, they are likely to go away...( this works for me just giving an opinion ) If you wish that it would have ended better in the back of your mind, when you sleep, your dreams will play out that scenario until you come to grips with what's going on. If you were to talk them out with your current girlfriend (which I recall you saying you did not wish to do that just a thought), they may go away with that method also. Try the other one first though