[sexylexy]

What to do when you have been friends for 20 years (and have never agreed with what your friend does) and now you realize you are growing up and watching just pure lies in front of you and can't stand it anymore?

She is married and has kids and a boyfriend. She going to counseling with husband (he know there is a guy but has no ideas that she has been sleeping over his house once a week for the last year), and the boyfriend has no idea that she is going to counseling w husband. And they both have no idea that there are other guys as well that she has slept with, messed around with, and talks to on the phone every day.

She claims if her husband hadn't kissed a girl a few years ago she would nt' be doing this ( but she has been cheating on husband since the week they started dating about 15 years ago) She also said she wants to tape her husband in counseling admitting to kissing a girl so she can use it in court if they ever get divorced...I'm.... hello???

Her BF gave her one of his t-shirts and she wears it at home in front of her husband. Her husband asked her where she got the shirt and she said "I thought it was yours, I found it"

She used to have a child in preschool that would get out of school at noon. So while her husband was at work, she would go and visit her bf (he lives an hour away) she would let the child miss school, and send the child to someones house to be watched, so she could have more time with the BF! If she drove to the BF's at 9 am it wouldnt' be enough time to drive there and back to pick the kid up at school so she would just have him miss school!! The boyfriend would flip if he knew that she would do something like that. She makes herself look so innocent around him.

She constantly lies about everything to get her way! If we go out to a bar and have to park far away, she will say she has to go to the bathroom just to be dropped at the door, if she wants to get off the phone with you she makes up some excuse.

If there is something she wants, for example, if she wants to go to some bar because a certain guy is going to be there, she will keep calling and calling me to try and get me to go with her, so she has somebody to go with. There is one night coming up that I want to go out because I have no kids that weekend and she said she can't go out because her husband is going to be home. Her husband is home EVERY weekend!, It's just not a good weekend because there is nothing in it for her...the place I want to go to has no boyfriend at it or other guy! She cant just go out to eat with me, or to a movie, it has to be somewhere where she gets something from it! Who cares about me! On my birthday, she asked me where i wanted to go and I told her 3 places, we ended up going to one of the 3 and then of course we had to go to the BF's bar!

One time we had plans to go to an outside concert ,and it looked like it was going to rain ,and she said "I'm not going if it rains, that is stupid to stand out in the rain." Then another time the BF was going with us to a concert and it was POURING rain, and she was like "who cares if it's raining, it's just water.

I can't take the lying and cheating....she has been with numerous guys and hus and BF have no idea!

[sourpuss]

Time to cut ties. If you're that different and she's that selfish then quickly growing apart will be pretty easy.
Don't answer the phone when she calls, don't be available when she wants to go out, etc.
Eventually you won't be of any use to her and she'll find someone else to use as an excuse to do what she wants.

You'll be 100x times better off without her in your life, she sounds awful.

[Guest]

I was friends with a woman for several years like this. 15years to be exact. I always bended to her will and she would make it seem like she was interested in my ideas once and a while. She got divorced after six months of marriage because he was in the army and she didn't want to be an army wife. Thing was is he was in the army when she met him. She would go on about the excitement of being an army wife. I was there to help her through her tears (real or fake). She dated several men and all failed in relationships. She would call me and we would go out (always where ever she wanted to go). We were both single but if a guy found me attractive and not her she would say that he was a loser and push towards some random guy that would end up dating her because he liked her better. Later I would find out she knew this and was using me to find out how he felt. Our relationship took an drastic turn when I started planning my wedding. 3 months before my wedding she announced her engagement to a man who was eight years younger than she was. We would talk on the phone about her wedding date which was one month before mine. She made me her maid of honor, took the colors of my wedding for her own, had the nerve to ask if her flower girl could wear my daughters (our flower girl) dress for her wedding-because it would save her money, and told me that I would have to buy the MOH dress myself. I told her I couldn't afford it and that she was not required to buy hers for mine so I would expect not to have to buy mine for hers. She said that she couldn't afford a dress because she had to buy a wedding dress. I also had to buy a wedding dress (my Mom bought one that ended up not being ready before the wedding so I had to buy another one....sore spot with me). Then one month before my wedding and two weeks before hers I was hospitalized and had to have heart surgery. I called her and told her that I felt she should find a back up MOH in case I would not be able to be there. She called me a liar. Told me I didn't have to lie to her if I didn't want to be there for her. The conversation made me very upset. I was in the hospital having a major surgery and needed a friend. I had a fiance and a daughter at home and I was scared I would never see them again. She then called me back saying that she talked to her Mother and when she asked if I had ever lied to her before she realized I was telling the truth, but to be on the safe side she called the hospital to check if I was there. She called me back saying she was sorry. She talked about her wedding and everything was about her. I was out of the hospital the next week. Four days before her wedding. My daughter had pneumonia and I was in great pain. She called two days before her wedding to ask if I was on my way to her house. I told her about my daughter being sick and that I couldn't make it. She was angry...I was sad. I knew then I had lost a long time friend. I realized it was a hard loss to get over, but in the long run I was happier. I realized that bending to her life didn't allow me to live my own. She called once and said it hurt her that I was so mean, and unfeeling as to not even make the effort to come to her wedding. I wasn't invited to the first wedding, I was a convenience and was tired of being at her beck and call. I wanted my own life and that killed her. If she couldn't be happy for me with me, than I would be happy with out her. If a man ever treated me that way I would have dumped him, why was she so different? Yes I am sad at my loss but all wounds heal over time.

I hope this helps you realize that you are just as important in your relationship. If she can't see that you may be better off without her. As for the lying and cheating it is her mistakes to make. If you want to keep her as a friend than you have to ignore those. I had a professor of psych tell me to tell my friend, when she talked about something I didn't want to hear or talk about, that I was tired of hearing it and didn't want to hear it anymore. If she stays your friend she is a friend worth keeping. If she stops being a friend then all you really lost was time.

[sexylexy]

thank you for the replies! I know...everyone is telling me to stay away from her, but I don't have too many other friends, I guess that's why I've always let her get her way. she now has a new friend that lives close to the BF, so she makes that woman go out with her, and lie for her. I haven't been talking to her as much, so I think she knows something is up. She even said something to me one time like...who would you go out with if it wasn't for me.
I am so ready to tell her husband and BF.

One time, on her facebook, she made a comment that she had been cleaning all day long, washing clothes, etc. (she never cleans), so I commented on her status..I wrote." you forgot to add that you've been texting all your hot male friends all day too!..I said it as a joke and also because it is true. So supposedly after I wrote that, her BF changed his relationship status on facebook to "single". It had been "in a relationship"..with her...even though she is married! So she sent me a message that said "if my BF changed his status to "single" because of your comment, I will never talk to you again". That was my turning point.... Her facebook says "in a relationship" because of the BF and she wont add any people as friends that know her husband so they can't see what she is doing.

The big thing for me is the "she can dish it out , but can't take it." If you do anything against her, she will never let you live it down, but in no way can you ever do it to her!
We do have fun when we go out and can get into a lot of trouble, but I can't stand that lying.

[Mes T]

Wow. I feel sorry for her husband, and her children.

She sounds really unstable and I think even if you didn't have ANY other friends, it'd be better to be alone than to be associated with someone like her.

You don't need to waste your energy with all her drama, unless you like that sort of thing.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I am so ready to tell her husband and BF.

I was waiting for that

Hun that's called revenge.. So why bother, what comes around goes around, people can only live lies for so long without being caught out.

If on the other hand she does Divorce her Husband and you find out she is using the girlfriend thing, send him an anonomyous letter, addressing that perhaps he should start snooping... and I also bet if that happened, alot of her "so called" friends would defend him anyway and talk... You can't possibly be the only one who knows.

As for you have very few friends so you keep her, it's evident that your really peeved, feel that she has no morals, don't like being used, don't like playing her game, and she's NOT a friend, she's an acquaintance that is there when "she" needs you, not the other way around so you have nothing to gain by keeping her as a friend, but alot to lose, even later, other's will ask you did you know? Why did you remain friends, time to cut her loose totally and get on with your life and find new friends.

CW

[Guest]

real friends dont put each other in to the middle of those kinds of situations.

[sourpuss]

Wow. I feel sorry for her husband, and her children.

She sounds really unstable and I think even if you didn't have ANY other friends, it'd be better to be alone than to be associated with someone like her.

You don't need to waste your energy with all her drama, unless you like that sort of thing.

My thoughts exactly. I wouldn't hang out with her if we were the last two humans on earth. Ick.

[Ashlee T.]

What makes you want to be this womans friend?

Cutting your ties, and when she asks why tell her "I cannot be a friend to someone who selfishly lies to those who love them. By associating myself with that, it's as if I condone it, and I do not in any way. It's time for me to move on with my life and make friends I'm compatible with".

You want a voice in it? Then cut your ties, that will speak volumes.

[Guest]

Just wanted to add that a few days ago she mentioned something to me about her going out on friday (last night) with one of her other friends (the one that lives by her boyfriend).

And last night (Friday) she calls me at 9 pm (I could tell she was in her car) and she said she had something important to tell me. Well, she tells me that she found a guy she used to mess around with in college on facebook. (I barely remember him).

I never told her I wanted to go out last night and was never planning on. But she knows that something I would like to go to was going on at a club that night. In my mind I never had an intention of going.

Then she says "oh I can't go out tonite", I have a class in the morning). Why is she telling me that?...because she knows something is going on that I would like to go to, and she wants to go visit the BF instead -so she lies and says she has a class? What? She always go out on friday nights!

I know she was calling me from her car as she was driving to where the BF lives!! I don't care that she is going there- why does she have to lie to me? well, 2 weeks from now, i'll ask her when she saw the Bf last and she'll forget she lied and say she saw him 2 weeks ago.

She lies so much she can't even remember what she tells people (she even told me that one time, that she has to watch what she tells people). And her BF thinks she is some nice person, with an awful husband!