[Leisel]

Help?
4 months ago I got out of a 2 year relationship. This was one of many relationships that have ended, that I wish hadn't.

A friend recently pointed out to me that I am always in a relationship, and never single. It was then when I realized, they were right.... I never am single. I jump into a relationship as soon as I can after a breakup.
Truth is:
I don't like being single, because I guess I don't like being alone.
I kind of feel like I am programmed to be in a monogamous relationship and don't know how to function properly when I am not.
I miss having that someone to talk to everynight and tell them how my day was, to hear about how their day was.
I miss having someone to cuddle with, someone to plan camping trips with...etc. My life feels empty when I don't have anyone to share it with. A lot of this could probably be solved if I had more/better friends.

I lack good friends, I'm not sure why. A lot of them live far away, are too busy, don't share the same interests as me, are really selfish, etc.
I'm not good at making new friends, I'm shy and feel like no one ever likes me.
It's easier for me to find a boyfriend (even if he is a bad one) than it is for me to make a new female friend.
Why is it so hard to make friends???? Grrrr

I have anxiety on the weekends when I feel like no one is calling me, I feel like no one cares. No one ever asks me what I want to do.
On the same token I realized that I never really make the initiative. I guess I am always too afraid to. People are so judgmental, it makes me have social anxiety, even around people that I have known for years!

I honestly feel like if making friends with people, of both sexes, weren't so hard I wouldn't have these anxiety issues, and then wouldn't be so needy in my relationships. Now the question is, how do I make more friends and get over my anxiety of fearing what people are thinking about me???


Any advice from anyone on how to make friends?
Or ideas on why I am so needy?; and feel like I need to be in a relationship and want to be with that person at all times???

[Anon_1990]

You've come to the right place.

Join forums, things that interest you. Maybe join some clubs, add people you knew from years ago on facebook, go to evening sessions related to hobbies. You will make freinds I'm sure of it.

In terms of Boyfreinds. I broke up with my girlfreind a month ago, and I have only just really come up out of it. I love relationships, I love having someone to cuddle, kiss, talk to, watch TV and be intimate with. Just someone to care for me and make me feel better. It took me three yearts to find her and we dated four months, but I had been freinds with her for a long time beforehand. Ive never been great with women, and watched a lot of girls I liked move on into relationships. Its horrible I know, but there is someone for everyone out there, you just have to let it happen, which is what im trying to do

[eleni]

forums can be great
i've made quite a few real life friendships from them.

i think its good that you've realized that what you're doing is perhaps not the best thing to do.
with regards to the anxiety, sometimes you just have to do it.
just make yourself get out there and talk to people
if its really serious you can go to your GP and maybe ask to be referred for CBT.

do you have any hobbies?
cos those can be great places to meet people.
and you know that you've got at least one thing in common with them if you meet them at a class.
from what you're saying it sounds like you miss the friendship part of the relationship more than the...not sexual bit exactly but the extra bit that makes it boyfriend/girlfriend.

about you being needy...
(i've done a LOT of therapy over the years )
did anyone ever leave you? like when you were young?
did you have many friends then?
is there any underlying reason that you can think of?
sometimes its the most random events that shape our lives
things that you dont think are that important at the time.
are you needy with your friends? or just with boyfriends?
do you look to your boyfriend to..complete you? that sounds so overdramatic but some people do.
are you ever the one to break it off? or do you always wait for them to do it.

it sounds like a lot of the neediness springs from your anxiety.
you sound quite afraid to be by yourself
when actually that could be the best thing for you
i dont mean be alone by yourself, i mean not be in a relationship
find out who *you* are
because then when you do get into a relationship
it will be balanced. not something you *need* but something you want
something that makes you stronger rather than weaker.

im not saying any of it is easy
but it will be worth it

take care x