[kaenat]

HI, I am 23 female from bangladesh, I have a serious relationship with a libyan guy for 2years now. he loves me alot and i love him way too much too. but lately Im having problems with him of being so sensitive about him like when he cancels on meeting me or when he criticizes me generally I take it personally and keep on crying out of anything he says and fight with him.. we are about to get married about his mother kinda disapproved about our marriage, and she criticized me alot . that doesnt mean that we r breaking up but after that indecent i became really insecure and i have fear of loosing him always and i cant take normally when he says anything negative about me..
please tell me what shall i do to work dis problem out? and how can I be happy with him without any fights regarding small things.. I also feel bad making him upset

[pittsburgh44]

just relax, take a step back and don't push anything.

I'm sure you're going through a lot of stress with the wedding, family, all the changes, etc.

If it wasn't like this before and both of you are acting out of character just accept it as being part of life, have a drink or two, watch a movie and try to forget all the things that don't matter and remember what actually does.

[kaenat]

thanks but our wedding is uncertain now, he is still dependent on his parents he has to be independent first to marry me and he belongs from arabic family u know how conservative there mentality are!! and shocking part is he'll go back to his country soon so it's a huge tension on me that when he'll be independent and come back and marry me and take me with him. I became so much dependent on him.. it's ahard for me to stay a day without him. and now this issues im going through is killing me.. seems like im going crazy

[sourpuss]

I think you need some sort of hobby or activity to focus on so you're not so focused and dependent on him being around. That's a lot of pressure on a person and a relationship. Ultimately it will affect the relationship in a negative way.

[kaenat]

thanks for da kind advice. I appreciate.

[Mes T]

I know what it feels like to be overly dependent on someone, and eventually it drives one or both people insane and the relationship collapses.

I agree with sourpuss: You really do need to focus on something other than this man. Go out and make new friends, discover new interests, etc. I'm in the process of doing so myself and it just makes everyone feel a lot better.

[jns]

Is there a Bangladeshi community in part of Libya he is from? It will be a big change and having a community to enjoy the traditions with can be comforting. Does he enjoy Bangladeshi food, culture and traditions? I hope so. Do the two of you speak a common language? If not, one will have to learn the others language. Will you be living with his parents? That could be a mistake if his mother is critical of you. You will have to stay in touch by talking, texting or emailing every day while he is away.

[WildChild]

You need to think very carefully about this. If you go to his country you will be like an orphan, what will you do if he becomes angry or abusive? Who could you turn to? Would you even be able to travel or leave without his permission? You know how Arabs generally feel about non-Arabs, do you really want to live with that in a marriage? Especially if his mother doesn't respect or like you?

How does your family feel about this relationship?
Are you employed? What is your education?

[kaenat]

thanks guys. Well I'm studying fashion designing and I have been working in British American Tobacco for about 2years. My family is liberal and they wont be obstacle in my happiness. but da point wildchild u have made my father told me the same thing. but my boyfriend never been harsh on me, he is bit different from his family mentality.
I cant tell anything now unless I get married to him and become a part of his culture and tradition and lifestyle. but yes if i see i cant adjust with his family I'll live with him separately. well our common language is english and Libyans english sucks big time lolz but since my bf is studying english literature here in bangladesh so communicating him is pretty easy. well he likes bangladeshi people here coz he finds us very hospitable and humble. but I'm trying to learn Arabic.
gr8 to know ur kind response guys
take care

[WildChild]

You have to understand that most people, not all but most, will act differently when in another country or culture. Once they return to their country of origin or get around a group of people from there, their behavior may change dramatically. Have you been with him around other Libians? If you have, has his treatment of you, tone of voice, things he expects of you, been any different?