[caterpillar79]

He says the effort should count for something, and that had I moved already, he wouldn't have gone to Vegas with the other person (whom I say he is cheating with and he insists it is not cheating because it is with a male).
He does a good job of convincing me that I'm just being "a bit--" and that my feelings are no valid.

Conditions here and there for you, where are the ones for him? He is controlling and playing you on your vulnerability. STOP! He is with a male person - he is bi. You can never prove otherwise, but how much you trust him. It is all up to you. If you can live with this, go on. If not, move on, nothing further.

I'm glad others see my side and that I am not crazy!

The fact that you came here on the forum for advise tells me that you know something is wrong. Your subconscious is telling you to bail for self-preservation purposes.

It is always good to share how you feel and what you think. It helps you "hear" what you already know.

That being said, you know what to do. DO it and don't delay.

[Ariselle]

Thanks.

Conditions for him...he objects to. I've delayed too long and let myself be manipulated too long.

He's convincing that he cares about me, one on one...but then I step back and look at what's going on, and all of the things I haven't mentioned in this forum thread... and trust me, there are a lot.

I'm not perfect, and I know I've been awful at times too, but I never cheated, I never called him names, and I never purposefully hurt him. I've tried so VERY HARD and it hurts to give up on something with someone I really do love, but I don't trust him, and I don't fully believe that he loves me....

I think he cares, but...not enough. Not enough to stop hurting me, not enough to be faithful. Not even enough to *try* to be faithful. And whenever possible, he uses anything he knows about me against me and....it's enough.

I will give updates.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ariselle,

I can see you have smarts... I thought for sure, you were going to say " and I've decided to go, thank you everyone for your advice".. But, instead, you said the oppositve and you feel like you have to "feel guilty"...

He had a "reason" to text you more, and he called you "one time".. how long was that conversation for, how long does it take to type a text message, verses, 24hrs, next to him? Eating and sleeping and everything else. He had a reason, it was/ is, purely to control, change your mind.

He states : "effort should count for something"... No, he knows exactly what he is doing, was doing, and playing mind games, to win... The "effort" as he puts it, is to make you feel guilty and you do.

"He does a good job of convincing you". That's his intention, that's the "effort" to convince you to do what "he wants", it's all about him.

He can not turn around and claim that he wouldn't have gone if you were there, if he "loved you" he wouldn't have gone full stop.. Yet, he does, then continues to try to get what he wants as well, from you.

You know your answer... He's playing on your emotions. Your stronger than that.

CW

[Ariselle]

Is there anyone I could call and talk to? I'm feeling extremely depressed and have been, through this whole thing. A hotline or anything, if anyone knows of one?

[jns]

Ariselle, you have many friends here on womens-health. Continue talking with us and we can help you get through this. You have done nothing wrong.

[jns]

Where are you located?

[jns]

A national number is 1-800-273-TALK (8255). I hope I can post this.

[Ariselle]

Thank you jns. Just feeling the pressure from him (getting texts pressuring me to move there on Tuesday--the deadline he gave) and wanting to run away from him. I know I'm not alone though, and you all have been so supportive. Thank you.

[Mes T]

Sounds like he wants something closer to a servant, or stepford wife, than a partner.

Be strong. Stand up for your happiness.

[Suzi]

If I were you I'd recognise commitment not in what he says but what he does. All the calls in the world don't mean a thing if when he gets off the phone he's with another person.

Actions speak louder than words!