[Purple Dreams]

A little under a year ago I slept with a co-worker who I have known and been friends with for 4 years. And almost since we met he has had feelings for and been sexually attracted to me. Over the course of the 4 yrs we have known each other, besides flirting he has invited me to go out to see a show or travel together but I always turned him down because of shyness. Anyways, after sleeping together for the first time nothing happened until 3 months later when we slept together again and he told me not to have any expectations and that it was about sex only. Then about 2 months later we started sleeping together about once per week. Two months ago we were talking and he told me that our lifestyles were too different for a long term relationship and then asked if with that in mind I wanted to stop our sexual relationship. I said no. Besides sex we dont do anything together like go out because he doesn't want people to see us together since we're co-workers and our boss is my uncle. Part of me tells me this relationship is all wrong.

[jns]

You never said if you were sexually attracted to him. Or is it that you are trying to quit being shy with men?

It sounds like a good deal for him, easy sex with no commitments and low costs. What's in it for you? You get to feel good sexually or do you? The cost side for you is: since he only sees you in private and once a week, he may have other relationships that may impact your health or well being.

What is your long term view of the situation. Do you want to keep such a relationship going for years? Or do you want a relationship that is full time and out in the open, where you can openly and honestly love some one? If you want a full time relationship, you should think about getting out of this situation sooner than later, and devote your energies to finding a great significant other.

[grrrr]

I think that if your "gut" is telling you that it's not a good relationship for you to be in, then you should listen to yourself! Our intuition is an amazing gift and tool that we should listen to and follow more often than many of us do!

Also, who cares if he gets caught with you... you probably don't want to put your uncle in an uncomfortable situation should he find out about it.

I say end it in a way in which you can both work comfortably together, and also make sure to establish the ground rules that it's not going to happen again, but it was fun while it lasted - I guess.... was it even fun?

[Purple Dreams]

[QUOTE]

You never said if you were sexually attracted to him. Or is it that you are trying to quit being shy with men?

The first

It since he only sees you in private and once a week, he may have other relationships that may impact your health or well being.

He doesn't

What is your long term view of the situation. Do you want to keep such a relationship going for years? Or do you want a relationship that is full time and out in the open, where you can openly and honestly love some one? If you want a full time relationship, you should think about getting out of this situation sooner than later, and devote your energies to finding a great significant other.

I'd rather have a full time relationship & one that's out in the open

[jns]

I'd rather have a full time relationship & one that's out in the open

Your path should be clear.

[caterpillar79]

I'd rather have a full time relationship & one that's out in the open

You know what you want, and he told you that he is not in the same page. Don't fool yourself into thinking that anytime soon, he will change his mind. Majority of the time, he will not. I don't get why he really does not like the two of you to be out in the open if he is not keeping anything, or if he is not (really) in another relationship.

Your focus now should be to steer clear of him and start a new slate. Find that man who can give you what you want and what you deserve. Tell yourself that.

[rcoreyus]

It sounds like he has been honest about what he wants in your relationship - and thats good. You know where you stand. I don't think there is anything wrong with casual sex, but it may keep you from finding a more permanent relationship if that is what you want.

[emily100]

You already know the answer ~~ LISTEN to the part of you that says the relationship is ALL wrong!

The way you are being treated is down right awful. This guy's only interest in you is sex which would be OK if that was your ONLY interest in him. BUT then add the fact he does not want people to see you together is degrading...he does take you out or anything just has sex with you like you are a sex machine.

You are more than that and I suspect you want more than sex or you would not be asking this question. You cannot win a man over with your body..it just does not work. by this point he has lost respect for you.

But more importantly, is your own self-respect. allowing someone to treat you like this is terrible for your self-esteem. I wonder if you are doing this just to be close to a man and you may think it is the only way???

It is not the only way, in fact it is not a way at all. I suggest you ask yourself why you are having sex with a man who degrades you, gives you nothing but his genitals and sperm??? he might as well just put a brown paper bag over your head... you are nothing to this man BUT you can be Everything to yourself!

This might be a good time to start learning about loving yourself and step one is to dump this leech! good-luck to you ♥

[sourpuss]

It sounds like he has been honest about what he wants in your relationship - and thats good. You know where you stand. I don't think there is anything wrong with casual sex, but it may keep you from finding a more permanent relationship if that is what you want.

Well said.