[doodle89]

Alright, I applogize in advance for such a long thread but this is mostly just for the sake of venting because I don't know how else to handle this.. my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me the other night. I wasn't expecting it at all, so I'm pretty sure this is the main reason why I'm feeling the way I am. We were fine the whole day, the normal I love you have a good day, can't wait to see you later kinda thing.. then I get a text saying "I can't do this anymore. I don't want to go out, I can't keep pretending. I don't have the same feelings as I use to". My stomach dropped and I immediately called him. How can someone just wake up and NOT have feelings for someone? I asked him what he meant and kept my cool and everything. He said he doesn't feel the "spark" like he use to. And I was straight up with him, I told him I didn't either. We dated for 5 years, best friends for a year or so before.. we became very close and were at the comfort level that you get in a relationship. I thought this was normal. I mean we don't live with one another, but we see eachother almost every night of the week, and spend the entire weekend together. I wouldn't say it was routine, but we were together ALL the time, and if we weren't, we'd talk throughout the day through texts or phone calls.

I told him I wanted to take a break and not throw everything away. Spend some time apart from one another, not see eachother everyday and that spark will eventually come back. Nothing will be like the first time we first started going out, but I was trying to compromise with him with this. Of course I asked if he was interested in meeting new people, or if there was another girl. He said there was no other girl but whatever happens happens. We started dating in Highschool, I am now 21 and he's 22. He says he just wants to do "his thing" but when i ask him what "his thing" is he says he doesn't know. That's the part that is killing me the most... I feel like he doesn't know what he wants, and maybe this isn't what he wants either. He was very honest with me when he saw me tear up and was like "It hurts me to see you cry, but hurts me more pretending to feel something I don't."

I just don't know what to do. I know I should cut off communication with him but I can't. I told myself I'd be strong and just let him do his own thing but I don't want to loose him. We have so much together and have been through a lot. I gave up a lot for him and I just feel so empty without him in my life. He tells me he still wants to be best friends and we can still hang out, but it's not that easy. I can't see him as only a friend when my feelings for him are so much stronger.

[Hopeless Dork]

I think you have something that should comfort you hun, the fact that he came clean to you. Too many men take the easy way out and just start treating you bad, cheating, lying... til YOU can't take it anymore and leave. He realized he wanted out and had enough respect for you to TELL you so. And not just keep you locked up in a box being faithful and true while he tested the waters behind your back.

Oh I know that in no way takes away the hurt or feelings of loss... but at least you know the time you spent with this man, the heart you shared with him... was and is respected by him. Not many women get that.

We can't force anyone to stay if they want to leave, the best we can hope is that if they do ever feel they need something besides us ... that they come clean, as your guy did, and not humiliate us by carrying on behind our backs. Or waiting to break up when they already have a female lined up -- that is truly insult to injury.

You guy's have done a lot of growing up together, and I can understand you feeling dissapointed at the prospect of losing what is likely your best friend as well as your boyfriend. But at least the way he is handeling this... gives you both the opportunity to come back to this relationship at a later time if you both want to. The honesty, the respect to what you had in requesting the break, or the break up rather than just treating you badly or cheating, etc... lets you know he's a quality guy.

And if the world brings you back together in the future, you can know that it was truly meant to be.

You are so young, have so much living to do, with him... or without him. Whether you realize it or not, taking some time on your own to figure out what you want in life outside of him could truly be a blessing in disguise. Time to persue YOUR interests, your drive for your future whether its school, work... hobbies, etc.

I know you feel empty, I know you want to save this from happening, but pushing him to stay, guilting him into staying... isn't going to serve either of you. He gave you honesty and said he wants to be himself for a little while. You have no choice but to give him that. If it were you that wanted out... even for just a time to feel and breathe life with no obligations at your young age, you'd want for him to understand... despite how bad it hurt him.

No amount of pleading on his part would change your mind and probably only reinforce how much you need the distance.

Try to surround yourself with friends and family, focus on your goals, time will make you feel less empty, so passing the time is what you need to be doing, passing it as best you can.

If you need to vent your feelings. Do it here, do it in a journal, do it in a friends ear... don't bottle up how you feel. The more you read/hear your own thoughts the more it will help you come to term with where you are at... and how you want to move forward.

I'm sorry this had to happen to you and I hope you find a way to get out of the darkness as quick as possible. Everything happens for a reason. Don't think of time spent as time wasted, its all living and learning and experiencing life. The good, the bad, everything.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If you really think about it, you both feel the same way, very mixed.

There will always be that "strong bond" between you, you've spent your teenage years together.

But, when he said he wants to do his own thing he means "everything" just be himself, do what he wants, when he wants, experience "life" and all it has to offer.

Your both young and you felt it too, what have you missed out on?

This is never going to be easy but he didn't "try" to hurt you, he was honest and your having a hard time letting go but you agree that the spark left, it's more of a close bond, friendship. You'll always think back to the beginning..and remembering that will always make you want to scream and cry and remain where you are, but comfort will do that to.

Now is the chance for you both to experience life, hobbies, friends, things that you both weren't doing, because you were together.

If it's true love, then given time, you will get back together, and if not, if it's journey has ended, then you had a beautiful relationship a long lasting one, that you will treasure and remember and know what you want and don't want out of the next one.

Hard to think ahead, but there's lots of things that will happen in the future that you will love and be happy with as much as the past.

CW

[jns]

Were the two of you really dating or were you just seeing each other, like friends visiting each other? Dating should be many times doing things adventurous and new. Have you came up with ways to spice up your relationship if you get together again? Make a list that keeps growing and cross off things after you have done them.

[bringhomethepassion]

You two are both so young. Give it some time. If it's meant to be you will find your way back to each other. Take this time to learn from yourself. Watch how this experience makes you grow and mature. I know it's hard, and I know you're hurt and lonely but it's a path in life you have to go through. *hugs* I'm sorry you're hurting.

[doodle89]

Were the two of you really dating or were you just seeing each other, like friends visiting each other? Dating should be many times doing things adventurous and new. Have you came up with ways to spice up your relationship if you get together again? Make a list that keeps growing and cross off things after you have done them.

we've been dating.. like boyfriend girlfriend lol since March of 2005.

[jns]

What was the nature of the spark you used to have for each other? Was it that you couldn't wait to be alone to hug and kiss? Was it that you wanted to rip each others clothes off? Was it that you wanted to do adventurous things together and you knew the other would go along, even if it wasn't something that they would do on their own? What happened to that spark?

[doodle89]

i don't know anymore.. now it's coming down to "i just don't have the same feelings anymore". I just am going crazy now because I can't seem to get the exact reason. I feel like he doesn't know what he wants. It's so hard to give him space because I love him so much and he doesn't feel the same.

[missbrandi]

I know you say it's hard to give him space because you love him so much. Well he knows you love him and he has been a very truthful and good guy about this whole issue. I know it is very very hard to give him some space to do "his thing", but don't analyze over what "his thing" is just give each other the time that you oblivously need. Just focus on you and your family and your goals like someone said to you earlier and if it is meant to be then he will come around. Definitely!! Good Luck!

[Lesha]

I can relate to feeling empty

I felt this way many times in my life and turned to many different things that I thought would make the emptiness go away and well, the stuff never did. I turned to sex, drugs, clubs, and ect and i couldn't ind that inner peace because well I wanted to just feel like I was doing something with my life. Mant people come to that place in their life and realize thatthere is some thing missing. I thought that feeling accepted by everyone would make me feel full and well with no void but I still felt that void in my life. Comes to turn out that i was missing something and I started seeking God at the age of 27. I wanted to feel that inner peace and I wanted to ive a full life for God and well When I sought God. The way that it happened was awesome. I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart at the age of 27 and my life has changed ever since. I have purpose and well this has caused be to help people and to encurage people that there is a higher purpose in all of our lives but we have to be willing to seek God and be serious about it.

In Isaiah 55:13 it says, And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

God wants us to seek Him with all of our hearts and live completely for the purpose that we were designed to live. I hope that this has been of help to you.

Please feel free to reply back on this.