[sourpuss]

Men are much more tied emotionally to their jobs than women are. For men, it's their sense of self a lot of times. It's how the provide for their family, it gives them purpose, there's so much weight on providing (even for single guys, I think it's just human nature). Women most times just view work as work, it's what you do to have money to do the things you enjoy, it's not a reflection of who you are as a person. So it's hard for us to understand how guys can be sooo stressed over it.

I think taking the next two days for yourself is a VERY good idea. I don't see the need to even tell him, just go do your thing. If he asks, just say that you needed a break from the stress and negativity. I'm all passive aggressive, so maybe my approach isn't the best, but what I always do is disappear for a day or two doing my thing and when he asks where I was I just say I needed to get away, go hiking, relax...then I add 'seems like I'm stressing you out a lot lately because you keep snapping at me and I want you to be happy so I thought I'd beat it for a day and give you a break'

....now that I read that, that's awful, don't do that. Haha. But do take a break for the next two days do some of your own things and let him relax and do his thing. I think it would really help. Especially with a big social weekend coming up.

[kygirl]

well he responded but he basically tried to pull the "well I've been this way my whole life" which to me is not an acceptable answer. Yes, it makes you more prone and it is harder to break out of it, but I absolutely refuse to believe that people cannot change small things like that about themselves. Maybe not 100% but you can become aware and take steps to get better.

I basically told him that I didn't expect him to change over night. That I didn't think his stressing himself out was healthy and that mostly i was concerned that if he's snippy with me when I try to talk to him that eventually, I won't want to talk to him. And I know very well what happens when people stop communicating.

[kygirl]

....now that I read that, that's awful, don't do that. Haha. But do take a break for the next two days do some of your own things and let him relax and do his thing. I think it would really help. Especially with a big social weekend coming up.

Ha...well I do have plenty to do the next couple of days so maybe I'll do that. I won't be home till late tonight and I am having dinner with a friend tomorrow so shouldn't be too bad. I definitely will try to avoid seeming too snippy in return, but I definitely have had some snappy comments of my own going through my head. I just know that they won't fix anything but rather excelerate probably

I am desperately trying to understand where he is coming from in his "I am man" philosophy. I just hope I can get where I am coming from across too. I know he'll always stress some, but I just need him to see that it's impacting things now, and maybe he can tone it down a teensy bit.

It is always comforting, though, to know that someone else understands my dilemia so thank you!

[sourpuss]

well he responded but he basically tried to pull the "well I've been this way my whole life" which to me is not an acceptable answer. Yes, it makes you more prone and it is harder to break out of it, but I absolutely refuse to believe that people cannot change small things like that about themselves. Maybe not 100% but you can become aware and take steps to get better.

I basically told him that I didn't expect him to change over night. That I didn't think his stressing himself out was healthy and that mostly i was concerned that if he's snippy with me when I try to talk to him that eventually, I won't want to talk to him. And I know very well what happens when people stop communicating.

So what if he's been that way. It obviously isn't working, he needs to understand that and want it to be different if anything is going to change.

[kygirl]

Yup... I agree... He's just going to have to realize that on his own. I can tell him until I'm blue in the face and it won't matter. He's got to see that this is what is going to be best for him, in his life.

[Ashlee T.]

I typed a whole long response and lost it. :\ GRRRRRR!!!!

In a nutshell:
This is a fairly new relationship that moved pretty quickly from "dating" to "together all the time, semi playing house".
His job hasn't changed. He hates it now, I'm sure he hated it 3-4 months ago. I don't think this is about his job.
You're spending too much time together even though he's participating. This is too "marriage like" for him right now. Perhaps he thinks you're being too "wifey". He's feeling pressured. He's acting out.

When you do something, you do it 100%. But this may be a case where you need to take a step back. Start planning other things. Don't play house and stay over as much. Start doing your own thing more. I think this is way more about the relationship, and way less about his work.

[kygirl]

I would normally agree with you But I don't think that is the case. His job has changed. His old boss retired and he's been kind of doing random miscellaneous work. For the first time in a long time, he is realizing that he's going to have to do something else whether he practices law or not. There just isn't a ton of work. He's enjoying having a more lax summer, but at the same time, it shouldn't be this lax which is making him feel dispensible.

We discussed this yesterday, and I have really realized that maybe I don't understand how important his job is to his identity. I also did some self-evaluation and realized that although I might not snap or handle things the way he does when I'm upset, that I do the same kinds of things in my own way. He gets that I'm not working against him and that it hurts my feelings when he gets snappy with me. But I also have to realize that I do my own things, whether it's pulling away or crying when I get upset. They might be more "acceptable" but they are the same type of response.

I have to learn to accept his apology when he does things that are less than perfect, just like he accepts mine. I know he wants to change, I think he just isn't sure how to change his response. I think it'll be an ongoing battle for him. But, I think if I am going to love him and be with him, I have to work with him and love him as he is.... The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I've been a bit moody lately myself with my bday coming up, school starting back, etc. He has been patient and tried to communicate and work through my emotions with me and he deserves the same.

I do agree that this has developed a bit fast, but honestly, I have never in the last couple of months felt like he feels overwhelmed. In the last few months, if anything I feel more secure in this relationship. We are both just happy with being together and we still do make time to do the things we both need to do, like visiting friends and working out, etc. But I do try to make sure things don't seem too "we're married" even though we do spend nights together a lot recently. I do appreciate your response though. I really did think about it when I read it yesterday and evaluated what was going on to make sure that wasn't the case. And I truly believe it's not at this point at least

[Ashlee T.]

Good!!! In this case, I'm glad to be wrong!! ha!! I can see where if his job has recently changed and he's feeling stressed about that, that it could definitely put a damper on other things he does. It's good that you two can talk about it and that you're doing some self reflecting as well.

You've been under a lot of stress yourself lately, with moving, the worry of him going to India, school starting soon, etc etc. I'm sure you've not been a total peach. HEHE!!

If he's enjoying you and you're enjoying him, and neither of you are feeling pressured by the relationship, then I think you're right, you're just going to have to be willing to work through things that involve the person....as he is.

I'm glad you're feeling better about it.

[kygirl]

I am always a total peach lol