[pretzel]

She offered me no compassion. When I told her it just felt really awkward to me for my ex boyfriend to be invited on vacation with my family and friends and for me not to be invited or even considered. Her response was basically, "I know this may feel awkward to you but there's really nothing I can do about that". Not a lot of compassion or understanding in that. Then she proceeded to explain how my ex had always seemed interested in going (which is true, but so I had, we had expressed interest in going as a couple) and how this was just so unfair. Then started the whole "you need to realize other people have feelings and different perspectives in this situation".
I wasn't expecting any sort of formal apology. Just a heads up, girl to girl, friend to friend, cousin to cousin......ya know, a "here's what just happened, please don't be upset about it" bla bla bla. But I got nothing, zero, zilch, nada. To her, it was ALL about how I had made them feel, like they're stuck in the middle when there should be no middle to be stuck in.

I think this little gem says volumes, and not necessarily good ones.

Sorry, but you may be best to drop this and drop it quickly before things get out of hand.

[Ashlee T.]

Sorry, but you may be best to drop this and drop it quickly before things get out of hand.

Drop "this" being the situation, or drop "her"?

[pretzel]

Drop "this" being the situation, or drop "her"?

BD, I'm going to take the rest of my comments off the forum.

[sourpuss]

I think this little gem says volumes, and not necessarily good ones.

Sorry, but you may be best to drop this and drop it quickly before things get out of hand.

While I understand why BD got her feelings hurt, I can't help but agree that it's not something to start a feud over. And it will go that way if one person did something without thinking and the other is upset over something that treads on waters where the root of the issue is over a morality point of view. And that's where this is going.

BD, you and her have a good relationship, this may be one of those times where you just let her know that it hurt your feelings and then let it go.

[Ashlee T.]

BD, you and her have a good relationship, this may be one of those times where you just let her know that it hurt your feelings and then let it go.

Maybe eventually it will come to that. But right now, hard for me to see it like that...because I did let her know that it hurt my feelings and her response was uncaring, insulting and selfish. So it's hard for me to just be the one to "let things go". I guess because I let a lot of things go....little things that might sting for a moment....but I choose my battles. I wouldn't sacrifice a friendship over something petty. I suck it up ALOT and move on where friends are concerned, in efforts to be a good accepting friend. But in this case, I felt hurt, let her know that, and her responses left me feeling not only hurt, but also betrayed.

They have meant alot to me for a very long time. I thought I did to them too. And maybe at some point, I'll get to that point of saying "okay lets move on"....but right now I feel like what they did, and then the way they reacted to it when I was hurt by what they did, was wrong from no matter which angle you look at it. I guess I'll just have to wait it out. I'm not going to work overtime mending up something I didn't break.

[KMonte85]

You've very recently been wounded emotionally, of course you aren't just going to get over it and let bygones be bygones.

When I think back to my family-ex drama, it still stings, and that was approximately 10 years ago.. I'm fine now, not hurting, but I still don't look at my family members involved the same way.

I do think eventually things will cool down a bit, your hurt will subside... maybe even your cousin will do some nice things to try to make it up to you - but the feeling of betrayal doesn't just go away. I think it is just a sensitive time where you have to be careful how you react to the situation from here. Not to say that you should act like everything is hunky dory (its definitely not), but tread carefully or more hurt feeling and relationship damage could arise if you let your anger and hurt take control...

[Ashlee T.]

Not to say that you should act like everything is hunky dory (its definitely not), but tread carefully or more hurt feeling and relationship damage could arise if you let your anger and hurt take control...

That's what I'm gonna do. I don't intend to contact any of them...haven't since last night when this all happened. I'm gonna go on with my business and what happens happens. I don't expect her to contact me...but if she does, I'll just handle it how I see best at that time. If I feel like I'm too hurt to talk without it becoming emotionally charged, I just won't answer.

For now...I'm gonna worry about me. I've had SO much going on lately. And yes, you're right, the emotional turmoil of all the other stuff and trying to adjust to the breakup etc.

[kygirl]

BD,

I am just now getting caught up on this so please forgive me. I think everyone else has given you great advice. I really think your best bet is to let it go... I think you should feel how you feel, vent to us, be angry, sad, whatever because you have a right to be upset based on what I read. The thing is, that it's already done. Yes, they should have talked to you. Yes, she should have at least feigned compassion when she realized your feelings were hurt. But neither of those things happened. Maybe they aren't as emotionally involved and didnt' realize how truly hurtful their actions would be. Unfortunately it happens. At the same time, you all are family. I think it'd be best to maybe give it some time. And then depending on your choice, maybe email your cousin or call her or take her to lunch, whatever and then say, "hey, I'm not sure I came across the way I wanted a couple weeks ago. I know you didn't do this to hurt me, but it did. I realize you didn't consider asking me maybe because I'd declined the last few years, but I really would have like to have been asked because we're family and it would have been a nice gesture even if I couldn't go....etc etc...."

I am sorry that you've had such an emotional rollercoaster lately but this too shall pass. This too shall pass.

[mr.mansview]

I would NEVER in a million years invite one of my best friends exes on vacation without 1. talking to my friend first or 2. inviting my friend first and giving them the opportunity to go. I just wouldn't do it

you wouldn't but apparently many people would..they are obviously not as considerate or thoughtful as you

[Ashlee T.]

Update:

I ended up talking to my cousins husband last night. At first he was talking fast and pretty upset at me for even dare think he and her wouldn't consider me. I explained to him my situation, how this all played all on my end, and how it made me feel. And I asked him to stop for a minute and put himself in my shoes. I don't think it took him long to see that he would feel very hurt if in my position too. He explained to me how the whole "invite" took place. Apparently, it didn't even happen on Sunday, it had happened the weekend before on Saturday. My ex ran into them and a big group of their/my friends at a sports bar. He hung out with them for a while, playing some cornhole and stuff. The trip got brought up, one of the guys said "hey you should go with us" and my ex eagerly accepted. The following Monday morning, my ex showed up at cousin in laws work with his deposit check for his room in the cabin on the trip. So basically, they've all known about this for a week. Not only did he get invited, but he paid his deposit and everything. And despite the fact that the Sunday night after he got invited he was at my house to talk, he never mentioned it. Despite the fact that Monday he knew I was really sick and offered to mow my yard, I fixed him lunch and we had lunch together........he still didn't mention it. And then Sunday night, he knew I was absolutely heartbroken, and he knows how much my cousin means to me........and he still didn't tell me. When I asked him how he could talk to me every single day and NOT tell me he was planning vacation with MY family and friends, he said he just forgot. :\ And he just expects I'll believe that. He is going on vacation with two of my best friends and 14 of my other friends....and just "forgets" to tell me.

Cousin in law said that when he paid him the depost he said "if bd decides she wants to go she can stay in my room".....so he said at that point he just didn't even consider mentioning it to me. I can sort of see that. I still think my cousin should have called me. I still think they were inconsiderate of me. And I still haven't talked to her.... I know she showed me no compassion in a time I was really hurt Sunday night, and it's going to take me a few to get over that. But at least cousin in law gave me his perspective on what happened.

I told my ex that he has betrayed me to the point this time I don't think I'll ever be able to get past it with him. He did this behind my back, chose not to tell me, and then wants me to believe he just "forgot". I told him this is no different than me planning vacation with his bestfriend and his bestfriends girlfriend (who I am now friends with) and a big group of his cop buddies. It's an awful feeling. I was supposed to go to a cookout this weekend at my cousins and now I don't even want to go because all the people (other than my ex) who are going on this trip will be there, and I don't want to hear about it. I will be the only one there not going, the only one there that wasn't invited, but getting to hear about it. It will be the same thing when they go. They'll post their pictures and talk of their great times....with my EX.....and there I'll be.

Grrr. I want the hurting to stop.