Okay, this is going to be a little long but I would really, really appreciate some help! I haven't had any one I could talk to about this because they all know my boyfriend but it's something that's come up and I could really use some advice...
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for just over two years now. I'm almost 19 and he's turning 22 this month. After I graduated high school, we had dated for 11 months but we were both going to go to school in the same city so we decided to move in together. Now we've lived together for just over a year and we've had lots of fighting and stuff, but that's not really the point.
Anyway, a couple months ago, I was cleaning and trying to unpack some more of our boxes and I found this red bag in one of his boxes and I pulled it out, not really thinking anything of it and when I opened it I found a some lingerie, a little dress, underwear and some bras... but I also found a pink wig, fake breast forms, sunglasses and a dildo. I was really confused at this point... I didn’t really want to think to myself that he was wearing it so I just left it alone, because our anniversary was in a month or so at the time.
In July I visited some family and when I came back my boyfriend told me that he thought we should live in separate places because both of us have a lot of stress and family problems we have to deal with, and it will be better for our relationship. I agreed with him eventually because our fighting has been getting ridiculous. But during that time when we were emotional and crying I told him that I found his red bag and kinda briefly said that I hoped it wasn’t meant for someone else and all he said was “you weren’t supposed to see that..” and I left it at that.
When our anniversary came up and he never said anything about it, I brought the red bag up again the next day and he got really defensive and said he didn’t want to talk about it. But that just made me angry because I felt like he was lying to me about something because I never really put it together so we had a big fight. I got really upset and went into the bedroom. I started to pack up the rest of my stuff because we already moved most of it. He still wouldn’t really talk to me about it but then he said something like he’s had to accept certain things about my sexuality without question (because I’m bisexual... this caused fights too) but we’ve talked about it openly a lot in the past and he wouldn’t talk to me at all. He also said that he’s had to deal with this longer than he’s known me and that he could never ever ever admit to anything like that because of the friends he has and stuff. But after the fight we just tried to let it go and not talk about it. I was still confused at first, but eventually all the pieces started to fall into place and at first it made me feel really confused about the way I felt about him and myself.
But now, I’ve thought about it a lot and done some research about cross dressing and I feel that I can understand a little more. I know he may not necessarily be gay although I’m beginning to question if he might have some attraction to men because of the dildo I found. I want to be able to talk to him about it more but he’s a very private person. I think it could be something we work on together because I know how hard it is to struggle with your sexual identity and the more I think about it, the more fun I think it could be, but sometimes the thought can still make me feel a little uncomfortable, mostly because it’s still fresh and he hasn’t told me anything. But I my question is how can I bring this up again without making him feel insecure or completely shut down. I know it’ll take time but I want him to know that I’m there for him no matter what and that I want him to feel safe talking to me about it. And if he isn’t able to talk to me about this at all, ever – I don’t think I can go on forever with this relationship because I can’t just have that hidden from me and never talked about, it will always be on my mind. I’m sorry this is so long, but I really appreciate anyone who answers!
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for just over two years now. I'm almost 19 and he's turning 22 this month. After I graduated high school, we had dated for 11 months but we were both going to go to school in the same city so we decided to move in together. Now we've lived together for just over a year and we've had lots of fighting and stuff, but that's not really the point.
Anyway, a couple months ago, I was cleaning and trying to unpack some more of our boxes and I found this red bag in one of his boxes and I pulled it out, not really thinking anything of it and when I opened it I found a some lingerie, a little dress, underwear and some bras... but I also found a pink wig, fake breast forms, sunglasses and a dildo. I was really confused at this point... I didn’t really want to think to myself that he was wearing it so I just left it alone, because our anniversary was in a month or so at the time.
In July I visited some family and when I came back my boyfriend told me that he thought we should live in separate places because both of us have a lot of stress and family problems we have to deal with, and it will be better for our relationship. I agreed with him eventually because our fighting has been getting ridiculous. But during that time when we were emotional and crying I told him that I found his red bag and kinda briefly said that I hoped it wasn’t meant for someone else and all he said was “you weren’t supposed to see that..” and I left it at that.
When our anniversary came up and he never said anything about it, I brought the red bag up again the next day and he got really defensive and said he didn’t want to talk about it. But that just made me angry because I felt like he was lying to me about something because I never really put it together so we had a big fight. I got really upset and went into the bedroom. I started to pack up the rest of my stuff because we already moved most of it. He still wouldn’t really talk to me about it but then he said something like he’s had to accept certain things about my sexuality without question (because I’m bisexual... this caused fights too) but we’ve talked about it openly a lot in the past and he wouldn’t talk to me at all. He also said that he’s had to deal with this longer than he’s known me and that he could never ever ever admit to anything like that because of the friends he has and stuff. But after the fight we just tried to let it go and not talk about it. I was still confused at first, but eventually all the pieces started to fall into place and at first it made me feel really confused about the way I felt about him and myself.
But now, I’ve thought about it a lot and done some research about cross dressing and I feel that I can understand a little more. I know he may not necessarily be gay although I’m beginning to question if he might have some attraction to men because of the dildo I found. I want to be able to talk to him about it more but he’s a very private person. I think it could be something we work on together because I know how hard it is to struggle with your sexual identity and the more I think about it, the more fun I think it could be, but sometimes the thought can still make me feel a little uncomfortable, mostly because it’s still fresh and he hasn’t told me anything. But I my question is how can I bring this up again without making him feel insecure or completely shut down. I know it’ll take time but I want him to know that I’m there for him no matter what and that I want him to feel safe talking to me about it. And if he isn’t able to talk to me about this at all, ever – I don’t think I can go on forever with this relationship because I can’t just have that hidden from me and never talked about, it will always be on my mind. I’m sorry this is so long, but I really appreciate anyone who answers!
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