[Undeadprincess]

I found out a few months back that my boyfriend of two years is a cross dresser. I was horrified and disgusted at first but I have now come to terms with it. My problem is he sends pictures of himself to other people bot male and female, also as we share a computer I found that he had oined a dogging site, so now I am worried about him going off and having sexwith other people.

I really do love him, this is really his only negative.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Welcome to the Forum Undeadprincess.

It is great that you chose to have an understanding, however, don't you think he's taking advantage of that understanding?

You would have showed your disgust at that time... however, showed your support and understanding...

From that, he's not satisfied with only cross dressing... He's taking it further, sending pictures and communicating with others on-line...

I find that to be "cheating" emotionally for you at least... and disrespectful...

People can have fantasies but in a committed relationship, knowing a partner is not happy with those fantasies, shouldn't they just keep them at home?

Once they venture out, are they being exclusive to their partner? Or sharing with others, off course I'd be concerned myself.

I would bring that to his attention, he's crossing the line...

If he loves you enough, he'll cease the pictures and internet, stick to cross dressing in his own home, fullfilling his fantasies, whilst showing his commitment to you...

It's sad to think sometimes, when we give, it's taken advantage of and even more is taken as a result.

CW

[Hopeless Dork]

If he can't doesn't want to be committed to you, he needs to tell you that. He kept a secret from you for a very long time so you have every reason to be worried that he could create and keep new secrets now as well. If it would hurt you and upset that he was doing all this stuff out of cross dress mode, its just as understandable that it would upset while he is in cross dress mode.

His fetish isn't a pass to do whatever he wants and have you be okay with it because its his girl persona doing it. No, you are in a relationship with HIM, all of him, even when he is dressed female. If he expects to have different rules for when he's in girl character than he needs to clue you in to that so that you can decide if you want to stay with him through that or not.

Its likely he isn't cheating but merely looking for acceptance and approval from people that share his fetish. Things like this are major self-esteem whoppers, being sexually interested in something that society makes fun of and frowns upon. I am sure its real hard on him when he thinks about it like that so finding people that understand or support his decision to cross-dress is pretty much a healthy thing.

He can make friends, join support groups online... and neither of those shoudl make you feel threatned. But if he's joining dating sites, sending or receiving exlplicit pics or messages... thats totally unnacceptable, IMO.

You must really love this man, to stand by him after he hid so much from you for so long. It sounds like you are trying to be a supportive gf, and for that he should be extra especially respectful of your feelings and go the extra mile in making you feel safe.

I think its time to have a talk about your needs of him, and his needs as well. Allow him to be candid, don't judge, that way you can get him to open up fully to you on whether or not he might feel like he wants to date a man, or another cross dresser... etc. Make it clear that you just want the truth, there has already been too much time wasted on lies and hiding... to let you know what he wants or expects to gain from what he's doing on the internet so that you can decide if its something you think you want to support or walk away from.

He may very well need some time to find himself, it sounds like.. and if he feels he can't do that while remaining faithful to you ... that its only fair that he disclose that now, to put it in the open for you to digest and move on if need be.