[auntie_awesome]

Hubby and I moved to this new city due to a job offer. I had been pushing him to find a new job since I figured he was going to lose his, we were bored with where we were living, we wanted him to be paid more. It seemed like a great job on paper...basically we fell victim to a bait and switch. So he hates his job again. Really hates it...and as they are taking away his duties I'm sure eventually he'll be let go and we'll be stuck in this dead end awful place. I haven't found long term work here so we are down a paycheck, have extra bills since our car broke down a bunch of times and our savings looks like . We've been here eight months.

So he said he was going to start applying for new jobs. Great, I said apply pretty much anywhere in the US...we'll figure out moving and do it. So he finds a job, applies. Great. Then he stops...so I send him like 15 jobs of which he applies for maybe five. He says he can't do any of the others. Fine...how about training to get what you need. No...there will always be something he can't do and then he'll be stuck in that direction and have to get more training later to change direction again. What????

Every time in the last couple of days I bring up jobs or training, he gets annoyed and ultimately I get upset. Basically I feel like this is MY future too he is putting at risk...not just his. So great...what do I do? Do I ignore that fact he hates his job and just listen and shutup when he complains about it? Do I keep trying to encourage him to apply for other jobs and get training when I know he's just going to stop talking to me and look irritated I even brought it up?

I don't get it. We used to be on the same track...we really aren't anymore. We both hate it here, money sucks right now, I'm trying to get through school so that when I'm done we won't have to worry at all...anywhere there is a hospital I can find a job. He isn't thinking like that...so please tell me what I'm supposed to do here?

Btw, he probably does blame me for pushing him to apply for jobs before and taking this one. According to him, he hated the last job, but he hates this one more. *They were going to fire him from the last one!* Not an assumption...known fact. Not for screwing up, but because it was a popularity beauty contest since it was a beauty place.

Basically I'm totally stressed, feeling depressed and having trouble sleeping for a million reasons and this is just one more.

[Mes T]

Applying for jobs is a full-time job in and of itself. My boyfriend and I are doing so right now, and it takes hours each day just to properly apply for a handful of jobs or less.

Perhaps he's actually working quite hard at it, but it's just that you guys haven't seen any results yet. Also he's probably feeling quite depressed himself, because for a lot of men, their ability to support themselves and their partner or family adds a lot to their self-worth.

I would say maybe take a break from encouraging him to apply for more and focus on your own job. I'm doing that right now, and it seems to be working well for us.

[BabyGirl]

I'm sorry your husband hates his job and it's really admiring that you are going to school and also supporting Hubby with his job hunting.

With the economy so bad right now, I'm sure he is overwelmed with competing in all of the new job " applications" and discouraged by the no's or the no feedback or just having his applications ignored with no responce at all.

With him saying " I can't do that job" doesn't mean he's not looking. Him knowing and accepting what he can and cannot accomplish for a company, show's that he is recognizing his abilities , understands that even if he got a job that he knows he cannot perform to the best of his ability, could very well end with him being let go due to underperformance and him ending up " Job Hopping" which does not look good on his employment record.

You might gently remind him that even though he hates his job now. At least he has one and approximately 1/2 million new people are filing for unemployment each week and hating his job is giving an opening to those who may hate the job too, but are willing to take it, just to have a paycheck and support themselves & family.

There has to be something about the job he has now that he likes or is good at. Or he would already have left it or been let go. Help him find the good things about the job and focus on the positive and maybe try excelling in those parts, he may get promoted or put in a section of the job that he can be semi-happy with.

Instead of Showing him other jobs he should apply for, have him list what he is good at, enjoys, wants in his job ( future one). Then fill out an online Job Resource site, that sends you emails from companies that are looking for his specific qualifications.

Help him make a fabulous Resume,one that shows his assets and qualifications, there are Resume tutorials that can help bring him to the forefront .

Lastly, when he complains, be supportive but also remind him that he is still employed and that is at very least one thing he should like about his Job.. He gets a paycheck, when so many don't and so many are willing to put up with what he does, should he give the job opening , by being let go by under-performing and showing his distaste.

There is no Perfect Job, Per say, but there are Perfect People for the job at hand.

[Ashlee T.]

Coming from someone who has been in a miserable job before, and was constantly reminded by my mom (and rightfully so) that I needed to apply for other jobs....... I can identify with him. He moved jobs thinking life would be better, I'm sure he was excited, eager, hopeful, etc. He quickly realized the job was not what it was cracked up to be....but he has a lot of pressure on him to be the sole provider of the family right now....so he knows he has to get through every day to make that paycheck. When you're in a job you HATE, it takes every ounce of you....and by the time you get home in the evenings, the last thing you want to do is sit on the computer searching and applying for other jobs. It's exhausting....mentally draining. And then he also faces the fear that maybe he'll find another "perfect" job and move you all again, only to be miserable.

What does he do? Maybe it's time he change the course a bit and work on getting himself into another field? Maybe he's sick of this and skeptical he'll find anything in that field that will be any different, and is sort of in a rut about what to do.

Cut him some slack. Only one of you is working (or at least thats the way I understood it), you're NOT going to have a lot of money....money will be tight because it's two people living on one income. Once you get out of school and can work, things will be a lot different.

I wouldn't make an issue of it. This is a tremendous amt of pressure on him. Help him, support him and encourage him in whatever he decides to do (within reason of course haha).

[KMonte85]

I'm sorry you're stuck in this situation, but try to remember that its only temporary - even if the time isn't moving fast enough for you two!

Try to be each other's support system. I know you're only trying to help by pushing him to apply for more jobs and/or get more training, but he might see it as pressure and added stress to an already stressful day he's had doing a job he hates. If you can, make home a sanctuary so that at least he has something to look forward to while he's at work struggling to stay sane. As mentioned early, perhaps making him see the positive in what is a pretty discouraging situation will help him to feel better about his job, maybe perform better, and either move on to another position or motivate him to move on to another company entirely... it has to come from within him, you can't force him to do anything, and if he's feeling deflated to begin with he will be slow to act... inspire him and you will see how much more successful he will be at whatever he decides to do


Are you able to get some work part time to help pay the bills and maybe alleviate some of the pressure he's feeling? Being a student, I understand you won't be able to bring home the bacon, but every little bit helps - especially in those unforeseen situations like when the car breaks down. Apply for a retail job, or a server, or gas station - wherever they may have part time work in your area. Where do you go to school? Do they have employment options for students - co-ops, paid internships, etc?