[NormaJean]

Long story short, I fell in love. I fell in love with someone I shouldn't have and allowed myself to be seduced. I knew better, but I loved him. He is married. It is one thing I said I would never do. I had been cheated on before and know how it feels. But, I have been lonely for a very long time and I don't fall in love lightly or easily. I am not one who can flit from one person to another. I thought if I could share him for a while, I would be able to move on as friends and be ok. He was almost always the instigator...oh he would get bouts of conscious and say it wasn't fair to me, but he always came back. I told him I loved him, so he knew. He was making plans for our next rendevous and then....nothing. I mean he still talked to me and picked at me and joked with me just as usual, we are coworkers, but I could feel something was different...yet no explanation from him. We went on this way for awhile, then he started including this other girl, another coworker, in our group lunches and flirting with her in front of me. She always chooses to sit beside him. Even in a five passenger vehicle, she climbs into the front seat between him and someone else. I told him I couldn't be his friend if he was seeing her. He denied it and said I was being silly. He swears he would never have another affair, but the episodes got worse, he knows she has a crush on him and it makes him feel powerful or something. I talked to him again with the same results. Then finally the other day, at lunch, she pretended to have this stupid laughing fit and he rubbed her knee and when the waitress came and thought they were together, he put his arm around her and the waitress put their tabs together, so he paid it. I came unglued in front of her. I am supposed to keep this dark secret of what happened between us, but how can I when he shows no regard for my feelings? After lunch, he disappeared and of course so did she and I found them together, with a couple of other people, but I came unglued again. I yelled at him in front of them. I felt out of control. Now I am embarrassed. I am sure they had suspicions before, but that gave them ammunition. Was I wrong? I am only human with very deep feelings for him. I had one request, don't do this in front of me. He expects me to still be his dear close friend, but he also expects to be able to hug and caress and flirt with other females right in my face. I don't know what to do.

[Sweetest Love]

I have never been in this situation so I can not relate, but maybe you should try to put distance between the two of you. Stop going to lunch with him. It doesn't seem as if it is realistic for you to try to be friends with him, even if he isn't flirting with other people in your face, he is married and the type of relationship the two of you had was beyond friendship and, considering your feelings for him, can not be "just frendship" at this time, and maybe not ever.

This is just my opinion. I think once a relationship crosses the boundaries of friends to lovers, unless both parties on the same page (which the two of you are not) there is no going back!

[mr.mansview]

sounds like he is on a bit of an ego trip

[bella321]

He cheated on his wife, why wouldnt he do the same to you? Thats how dishonest men behave.

[Ashlee T.]

I think the first thing is, why is this mans friendship important to you?

He's obviously not a friend. And in this case the term friendship is being used synonymously with "keeping you on the string". He had you, he's done, he's moved on to something new and exciting....something that hasn't developed into a "love" relationship yet, because thats when it gets sticky. She will become smitten, say the "l word" and eventually he'll move on to something new and exciting again. Keeping you on the string is his way of ensuring he never goes without, because you'll be his backup.

Almost every woman that gets into an affair with a married man, believes she loves that man, believes he is her soulmate, believes they are destined to be together and are victims of unfortunate circumstances where they can't fully be together. You must understand that as hard as it is to admit it, your situation is very little different from most other affairs.

He lies to his wife about you, he lies to you about the new girl, he'll lie to the new girl about the even newer girl, and he'll continue lying to his wife about all of you. Eventually wifey may find out and leave him. Then he'll remarry, and he'll do the same thing to his new wife. Why expect honesty from this man?

Now you're at the point of potentially ruining your career/job as well. It's time to get a hold of yourself. You are not his friend. He is NOT your friend. You've played the fool, admit it, accept it, and MOVE ON. You cannot change what you've done, but you can change what you do going forward.

[Hopeless Dork]

I am not going to pass judgement on you for having an affair with a married man... but the thing you have to understand about unfaithful men... is that they are UNFAITHFUL. If he will cheat on a woman he pledged to love and cherish and forever be true to a woman in front of God and his family and was unable to keep that promise for HER... he's not going to be able to keep true for the co-worker he's having an affair with... or the one of after that... or the cute coctail waitress he takes to a hotel etc etc.

When a married man comes on to you, its not because you are special and that he's only breaking his vows for you and you alone... its because his character is weak in general.

I know you are hurting and fell in love with him... but there was nothing positive that could have stemmed from this other than the fleeting passion that was felt. He HAS to move on to other women because thats part of the thrill of the married man that cheats generally. He's already got a stable relationship... he's cheating for the no-strings passion and when that affair becomes a relationship... he's going to seek out a new affair with no strings and passion because thats what he's always only been after.

You are not wrong for having emotions for him, for having hurt feelings when he went on to the other co-worker, but you need to realize what you are pining for and that if he were to come back to you, how it would surely happen again as he has demonstrated his inability to focus on only one women, even 2 women isn't enough to fill his needs..

He's no prize, he will only bring you the same heartache, as he demonstrated already, that he's brought to his wife and will bring to any woman that allows him to worm his way in. I think letting him go and moving on would be the best thing for you at this point. Feel pity for this new woman he's with, not jealousy... for the same thing he did to you he will do to her, and the next one as well.

[NormaJean]

Thanks everyone. Some of these were a little hard for me to read, but much needed. I do have to get a grip and move on. Some people can become an addiction, so it won't be easy. Wish me luck and again, thanks for all the advice. It is greatly appreciated.