[rcoreyus]

Right and wrong, blame, fault don't matter. Whether people "should" approach you doesn't matter. You are in a situation that you don't like (with good reason), and you can take actions that will probably make it better.

The world isn't fair - all you can do is make the best of the options it gives you.

[BabyGirl]

Despina,

I understand you feel " attacked" here in partial and some of the advise that is given may hurt a bit. it hurts because there is truth in it and sometimes the truth does hurt. It makes you take a deep down look at yourself and your life.

I agree , in general with alot of the people here, some things said...

I even felt a " Sting" from their words. WHY ??? Because I have heard those words myself, though many years ago.
Firstly, I was all but abandoned and left for Dead in a hospital alone with no family support in 1959 when I was 4 and had to have an experimental open heart surgery. This was by my own Mother... Though now she is just called my " BOB" Bytch Of Birth.

I survived, yes, went back into BOB's home, was abused and made fun of by family and school mates, ( could not be excited or do normal running and playing, I was a Wuss, a Sickly child that should have died. We moved alot, due to poverty. Every new school, every new neighborhood, every new friends of family or my " parents ", Bob and her Husband, I was belittled, I was told to sit down, shut up, stay calm, stay in my room and many other things, due to my health not being "normal ".

From 9 years old, until I was 13, I was raped and molested by Bob's Husband. I called them the Folks, not parents in my mind ..

I had finally had enough of Being that " Special ,Sickly, abused,ignored or just tolerated being alive CHILD... At 13 I was not a woman, but I tell you I grew up.. And I mean I , with nothing but determination to live and be treated like a Human being that deserved better .

Very few know this, but I can now tell it to others , hoping it may help.

How I " Grew Up and Stood up for myself, How I chose to change my life ". 13 years old, folks were JW's ( to me a Cult)...

One day I got up for school, was raped the night before as per norm, I was making a PB&J sandwich for my lunch. The key was the Strawberry Jam, dripping off of the sharp knife that I cut my sandwich with.

I saw Red, I saw that it cut, I saw that when cut there were 2 halves, 2 pieces. I then took that knife, went to the Folks bedroom, He awoke with a knife at his throat, with me telling him he would never touch me again, BoB woke and told me to put the knife away and go to school. I told her I would kill him and her before I would be treated like I had been all of my life. I explained that I would prefer living in a Prison for life for Murder, go to their religious .. Before I'm treated less than a loved Human.

I put down the knife in the kitchen, grabbed 1/2 of my sandwich ,wrapped it in wax paper, put it in my brown lunch bag and went to school.

At school, I went to the Secretary and told her I was going to kill my Folks if I had to go home. I was calm, semi collected and was sent to the nurse. 3 hours later I was picked up by a man from the Child Protected Services. Taken to my house,to get clothes and belongings and a few days later was living with my Grandparents.

And that was the day I was Freed from being that " Abused Child "..

You need to FREE your Abused Child.. You need to make your life decision, You need to take the Half of the Sandwich you choose with you ... Which half of your life, past or present that you want to be the one that nourishes your mind, body and soul.

Today, I am 55, fairly happy, working, secure in my job, college degree and mother of 4 beautiful adult children..
My Point is, as many have said .. We all have had problems, none smaller or bigger than anyone elses at least in our own minds. Seek into your Heart. Make a Decision to help yourself. Let go of the abused Child in you, keep the sweet innocent and ever learning child in you ..

Most important, is to enjoy life, even the little small things, Find something good in everything, 1) you are alive, 2) you have a job. 3 ) you have an education.

Learn to smile, even at a good stocking shelves job. Be proud that YOU stocked it, did it right and it looks perfect.. until a customer comes and messes it up by buying one of them .. Lol , that used to me .. Big Time..

Just get some part of that " Sandwich " to work on your side.. Take a Bite of Life.
Or you can just smear the Peanut butter on one side, Jam on the other side, never put it together as a sandwich, never cut it in half and never have the experience to put two things together and enjoy them both.

Come on, You can change the Jams in life.. I don't eat any Red Jams on my P & J's anymore, I now use apricot or marmalade or honey, mint, or just plain ole butter & PB..

[ehblahbing]

Eh.

I don't agree with most of these people here... >_> Is that bad?

I'm kind of like you. I'm awkward and shy and being around people makes me nervous, because of that I don't have many friends. And the people I do, I don't really see them as someone trust worthy.

All, I can really do is offer to talk to you and share our awkwardness. Be a friend to you, even if it's just online. =]

While you left school, I dropped out, never home schooled and never got my GED, I'm 21, still virgin and ... jobless.

For me, it's like I'm feeling trapped within my own body. Everyone keeps telling me to do things, but giving me no way to do them. Such as getting my GED, I don't have a car. And no one has taken the time to teach me how to drive.

No car- No job.

In the end, it's all depressing, while I may not be in the same situation as you, I can relate, just a little.

I guess bye.

[sourpuss]

I'm going to be very blunt with both of you, so I apologize in advance if it's offensive. It's not meant to be.
The tone in both posts is extremely negative, woe is me, self-defeatist. You can think that you're being friendly and all, but that kind of attitude is right up front and 9 times out of 10 that's the first thing people are going to notice. Just like when someone is friendly and happy, that's the first impression you get.
If I met someone who had an excuse for everything in their life that they were unhappy about and everything was someone else's fault and the world sucked and people sucked....etc etc.... I'd turn and run the other way ASAP.
If you really want friends and good things in your life, you have to start with yourself. That's true for everyone trying to accomplish anything.

My response to the whole "I guess bye" thing would not be pleasant at all. Everyone in this world has struggles, we're not the only ones by far. It's how you deal with them and how you present yourself that is going to make a difference.

[ehblahbing]

Sourpuss, I truthfully have no clue how your message is supposed to help.

I don't think my life is bad, I was just trying to relate. All the messages on here seem a little like peer-pressure to me, not really helping just criticizing. But that's just my opinion.

Do you really think that's helping at all? No doubt everyone else has said the same thing 'Go do it yourself' but if you've never had a friend before, you really think you're going to know how to make one? No doubt its frustrating.

Not everyone can just put on a happy face and go 'Ok!'. Let alone when they don't really see a reason to.

I agree however with the "You have to start with yourself" part. Truthfully, that's good advice. But how do you think that should be done? Could you ofter some advice on how to change things?

[Ashlee T.]

Ehblahbling - I'd suggest going back and reading Sourpuss's first response to the OP. And mine....and some of the others. We DID offer suggestions. The whole point was to acknowledge her feelings, acknowledge that they are real and legitimate feelings, but let her know that there is a way out. HOWEVER, she (and anyone else going through that) have to be WILLING. You can't just sit around and wait for the situation to fix itself, and then wallow in self pity when it doesn't. That's not going to help anything.

And honestly, I just went back and read your post to the OP, you related to her, but I don't see where you offered her any suggestions or motivation whatsoever.

When someone wants to change, they come seeking advice, they take the advice to heart (especially when multiple people are telling you the same thing) and they try. When someone isn't ready to change, they come seeking advice, but spend their time arguing with why it can't work and do not try any of the suggestions. That's the difference, and you'll see that in time on any forum.

Take a look:

My suggestion, perhaps some therapy if you're willing

Go get yourself a new hair cut or color, a new outfit or two, etc. If you hate your job, keep it but look for another one in the meantime. Join a local gym. Go regularly and try to attend some aerobics classes. Be friendly, strike up conversations with people, find some common interests, and start befriending them. You cannot sit around and wait for people to befriend you. You CAN find people that start out as acquaintances and may perhaps end up as friends that you can plan things with. If you're religious, consider visitng churches that have "singles" classes. There are also "young professional" groups in alot of areas.

And as for your back, I went through that. The BEST thing I ever did was start going to a chiropractor. He has helped me immensely. Trust me, I know how hard it is to be in a good friendly mood when your back aches and is uncomfortable. But you're young and there's no reason you can't get it taken care of. Get into a chiropractor and get yourself all fixed up.

You're overanalyzing yourself. You're not the little girl that got made fun of anymore. You're not her, she's gone. You are a woman, an attractive intelligent person, a college graduate, someone worthy of happiness and love. So what are you waiting for? .

Those are just some quotes from my original response....there are many other suggestions from others. And then, you can read the OP's response.

You're taking this to heart because you can relate to her. Well...LOTS of us can relate to what she's been through. The difference is, we're offering suggestions and trying to help her overcome it. She will make the choice whether she wants to overcome it or not. That's up to her.

[Seniora]

I read these two problems and immediately think "Borderline Personality Disorder" - it's something I've come to know very, very well lately (see my blog "online friendships"). The patterns of behaviour, the concerns and social isolation speak volumes to me about this condition. I would recommend the two people concerned to look up this condition on Google - there is a huge amount of available material. In the end, you can only act on your own behalf. Stop playing the victim and get onto the front foot - THE STAKES ARE VERY, VERY HIGH INDEED.

[latitasea]

im 23 and have no friends what so ever, im even a liitle uneasy texting on this sight but im trying. i know that the social axiety can be simply overwelming and i understand that completley. my mom also says that girls are jelous becasue of this and that but in my head im always saying "your just saying that becasuse im your daughter- i believe my dog is absoluty beautiful and other people may assumes shes a nasty animal but becasue she is mine i apreshiate her true beauty." dont know what to do anymore and i totally understand your situation. its not as easy as people make it look.

[Despina83]

I apologize for digging up an old thread, but I had this bookmarked and honestly I was afraid to check the replies until recently. I know I should leave it dead and buried, but I want to put my response on record.

First of all, I am not a snippy person. I despise snippy people. I was somewhat offended and hurt in my response, and was stating how I feel. I don't think I was being disrespectful, and if I was, it certainly was not my intention. I do not have an attitude with people, and that is the God's honest truth. I am polite and nice to everyone I meet and treat them the way I wish to be treated. I do not take out my problems on people that I meet. So no, people have no reason to "run away" from me. I am a good and loyal friend, but people don't give me the chance to show that.

I sound too "woe is me"? Well, think about it. How would you feel if you were in this situation? If your life consisted of work and on your days off you had no one to hang out with, see a movie with, even chat with on the phone. My co-workers respect me because I'm a hard worker, but when push comes to shove, it seems like they're all friends getting together after work and they don't want to talk to me too much. I have to live knowing that my teenage years, a time when you're supposed to be dating and hanging out at the mall with friends, was spent reading quietly by myself in my bedroom. When I was 13-15 years old I spent time with a 3/4 year old little girl across the street because there was no one my age around to talk to. Watching Telletubbies and riding bikes with her. And having her parents ask me, "um...don't you have any friends your own age?" How do you think I feel about that?

I just don't like being made to feel that my situation is my fault. I can get that from my father. So what exactly am I hoping to gain by posting my problems? I don't know. I just needed to get it off my chest and hoped that some people would understand and symphathize. But I felt like a couple of you were being a little on the harsh side. I'm sure I'm going to regret digging this up again, but I felt the need to respond.

[rcoreyus]

I think you get two types of responses on discussion groups like this. Some people sympathize and tell you how sorry they are to hear about your situation. Others make suggestions (right or wrong) about what you should do to make your situation better. Since they can't suggest things to anyone but you, they suggest that you do something. It it possible to not at all be at fault, but to still be able to fix a situation.