[brebee]

about three months ago i (25) got back together with my x, hes 30. we dated for 2 years, 2&1/2 years ago. while we were apart he was in one relationship and i dated a few men. he was on a break fom her when we got back togroken up ether. i had broken up with him last time around cuz i was bored and felt i was outgrowing him.

in the begining i felt like he was way into me, i had lost 60lbs since he'd seen me last and he had gaind like 40. sex was great, he made me laugh all the time, and i wanted to spend every minute with him. he had expressd to me that he felt fat next to me and he wanted to loose weight. so i've been supper supportive by trying to include him in workouts and healthy meals. but hes always complaining and always making bad food choices. at first his weight didn't bother me but now i does im not findin myself sexualy intrested at all. i think because of his attitude twords the whole thing, not so much his weight. and i dont feel like hes that into me but i think its cuz he insecure, that or he likes hid women bigger.

i find myself wanting to spend less and less time with him. and he wants to have every minute of my free time. but when hes around me and we dont have plans or we arent doing somehing i just feel so tense and i want him to leave.

i want so bad to be in a relationship, get married and have kids. and i think that he would be that guy for mei just dont know what to do to inprove things. any advice would be great!

[sourpuss]

Doesn't sound like you're in to him at all. Don't stay just because you feel desperate to be in some sort of relationship. The two of you have obvious lifestyle differences. If you don't enjoy his company now and when you're around him you want out, that should be a sign that it's not meant to be. I think you'd both be better off finding partners that you click with and have common interests and goals in life.

[Allie602]

Don't let desperation lead you into marriage with this guy. Just read some post from women who settle because they wanted ti get married. They quickly regret it. If you are tense around him now, just imagine living with the guy. Yickes.

[Guest]

I dated a guy I wasn't physically attracted to unless I was drunk. It didn't last. Maybe you're just in a healthier place than he is right now. You can't be with somebody who you don't "like" in a physical way. It's how us humans are wired, shallow but true.

[brebee]

i use to be attracted to him, its just how lazy he is is a turn off. i guess i was hoping i could help him break that.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Usually people put on weight, through comfort eating... They are not happy in their life, yet he stated he wanted to lose weight, pretty much for you but can't... It's an addiction sometimes and like all addictions they are hard to break...

Does he still make you laugh?

He also seems a bit clingy, like he can't be without someone... so is that someone you ? Or, just someone....

Find the route of the cause of why he feels down and doesn't want to look after his body, therefore, mind and spirit....

[brebee]

Usually people put on weight, through comfort eating... They are not happy in their life, yet he stated he wanted to lose weight, pretty much for you but can't... It's an addiction sometimes and like all addictions they are hard to break...

Does he still make you laugh?

He also seems a bit clingy, like he can't be without someone... so is that someone you ? Or, just someone....

Find the route of the cause of why he feels down and doesn't want to look after his body, therefore, mind and spirit....

he does still make me laugh. i feel like we r best of friends. but when i start feeling like i want to be around him less is when i feel like theres no intamancy, i need that. or when im tryin to help him work out and he finds excuses.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Outside the bedroom, is he intimate? Does he hold your hand, do you both go anywhere, does he hug you when watching TV?

It could be that he is overweight therefore, embarrased at being naked / intimate with you...

As I said, usually there is a reason for comfort eating.. But remember also, it's the person inside you have to love, therefore, no one has a right to change someone to suit them....

It could be the laziness, non attention, more so that you are craving, therefore, ask him what makes him happy in life and what makes him un-happy in life, try to find the reason...

Try to ask him to go for a walk with you, just because, or buy a dog and ask him to walk the dog with you.... to help him start...

You have to start somewhere, if you feel it's against his health as to the reason why you need him to lose weight

[brebee]

Outside the bedroom, is he intimate? Does he hold your hand, do you both go anywhere, does he hug you when watching TV?

It could be that he is overweight therefore, embarrased at being naked / intimate with you...

As I said, usually there is a reason for comfort eating.. But remember also, it's the person inside you have to love, therefore, no one has a right to change someone to suit them....

It could be the laziness, non attention, more so that you are craving, therefore, ask him what makes him happy in life and what makes him un-happy in life, try to find the reason...

Try to ask him to go for a walk with you, just because, or buy a dog and ask him to walk the dog with you.... to help him start...

You have to start somewhere, if you feel it's against his health as to the reason why you need him to lose weight

yea he will like when we r in the car he will hold my hand or put his hand on my leg. holds my hand and holds me while watchng tv . its the more intamate attention im missing. like when he stays at my house when we go to bed it seems hed rather watch tv. he use to hold me when we fell asleep now he sleeps on one side of the bed leavin me to cuddle with my dog.

biggest reason his weight is an issue is cuz i feel like he cant keep up with me when we do different activities. or he cant do them at all. fo instance i wanted to go to a pool party and bring him, he agreed to go but not swim. i have gotten him to start doing bike rides with me, sometimes walks. its just i ind him complaing and finding reasons to slow down. maybe i need to be more patient?

[Allie602]

Two things Brebee - people don't change until they want to do so, there are literally hundreds of stories about women who mary men with thoughts of changing them. Very common sentiment but it never works. Secondly, besides love chemistry etc., shared values and activities are a good predictor or long-term happiness.

So, to sum up, if the stats are to be believed, let us look into a future with this man. You marry and it's 2 yrs in the future - Him: 40 -60 lbs over-weight, unfit, sedentary life style; You: normal weight, fit, active life style. Just imagine what he may be saying to himself "I wish my wife would leave me alone about the weight and exercise. I'm going to get a gallon of chocolate ice cream".
Poor guy
These two have so much in common that it looks like a match made in haven. or is it what do you think....