[Hopeless Dork]

People lie. Its just what people do. Some people lie more than others, some lie to make themselves look good, some lie because they are embarrassed of the truth, some lay to save their rear end, some lie for no reason at all and are just pathological. Its important to understand what possible reason he lied for and if that is something you as a human can relate to and forgive. Perhaps he lied because he was embarrassed by the relationship, didn't want you to develop an idea of the kind of man he was based on one girlfriend. And if that was his reason would you be able to say... you know, I can see that. Not that lying is good or healthy or wonderful or should be , it is what it is. Trust is important in a relationship and when a partner lies and is caught, the other partner begins to question (even in their own mind) everything else their partner says and wonder if it is true or not. And that can lead to so many problems.

But when it comes to things from the past, people are going to lie. They are going inflate the number of people they had sex with or deflate that number, there are people that don't want to admit they got played or taken advantage of because they don't want to come across weak, there are people that don't want to admit to having used someone in the past because they don't want to make you think thats what they'll do to you.

I understand why it bothers you, you don't know why he lied... but what did he stand to gain in telling you, what did you stand to gain and was anything really lost with his omission?

[x.st.angel.x]

K Monte85 - "that's just your opinion" ..... what? Of course it's my opinion that's what the forum is about. It's amusing that you take issue with my voicing an opinion and you proceed to do the same. From what you write, it seems that you think you have superior powers of decernment than I.

If you disagree then do so, let your opinion stand on its own merit. Your opinion is not strengthened by belittling what someone has written, it may stifle the faint of heart from posting. I think people should be encouraged to post their opinions, that seems to be the spirit of this forum.

You took the time to post a point by point dissertation on my opinions. What I wrote stimulated discussion which is exactly what it was intended to do. This is the point you seem to have missed, we would like to encourage discussion not stifle it.

I think Deenie says it all - she intends to consider each poster's opinion and will do as she sees fit. I am certain that the diverse opinions have given her food for thought and she seems intelligent and mature enough to weight the advice and apply it to her situation.

That's what the forum is all about, see.

Ladies, there are some valid points and some points i'd just like to ask that we try keep it civil.

[KMonte85]

Ladies, there are some valid points and some points i'd just like to ask that we try keep it civil.

agreed in full - sorry allie, if you found my post acussatory - I was really just trying to convey that perhaps he DIDN'T lie, that there very well is a difference on what a relationship is to people, and he may well not have been trying to slip and slide round the issue like some defense attorney...

I just really have a hard time calling this man a liar - he told Deenie about his past relationships, and said he dated around a time before they got together. What point is there in trying to cover up when you've already shared so much? He may have easily meant that he was "dating" this woman, but didn't consider it a relationship... I just think the term "liar" is pretty strong for this situation and is a bit of character assassination of a man who has otherwise (at least from what I gather from OP) is a good person and is treating her quite well.

[Allie602]

No harm done KM.

I should perhaps have said he misled her. She based her belief that he was STD free upon his assurance that his last relationship was 5 yrs before. He certainly knew that since she referred to the possibility of STD that she was talking about sex in the last 5 yrs. He may not have considered the thing he had with this girl a relationship but he did have sex and he mislead D about that.

If he cared enough about her, he just could have said his last relationship was less that a yr ago lets get tested. That to me is bad because it has a direct affect on her health. He didn't have to give any details, just he had sex. That''s what's so strange, why did he not mention it knowing her concern about STDs.

[Astha]

listen frnd uu mst talk wid himm dirct andd askk himm becom many tymes we galss takee wrng decison may there no gf noww wen he met wid u soo talk wid himm directly it is the best way to solve matter

[Deenie88]

Trust is important in a relationship and when a partner lies and is caught, the other partner begins to question (even in their own mind) everything else their partner says and wonder if it is true or not. And that can lead to so many problems.

Just as expected by this poster, I am feeling distrustful of him. I want to believe that he is all the good and wonderul things that he was the first 6 months or so. But now I seem to be looking for problems. I just am so worried that I will have the wool pulled over my eyes and be made a fool of, and worse yet, be crushed and heartbroken. A friend says that is the chance we all take every time we start a relationship. True, of course. It's just that looking back at my long-term marriage there were some (now) obvious red-flags very early on (before marriage) that I missed and I don't want to do that again. But as some have said here, I don't really think it is worth confronting him, cause then I would be the one destroying the really good thing we have. I just can't see how this can be resolved. If I just put it out of my mind (easier said than done), it will eventually come boiling to the surface.