[chaya]

Tonight at 6:30 PM my fiance called me and said he was bringing his partner home with him and he would be staying for dinner. He would be home about 7:15 and would bring pizza and could I make a salad. After he hung up I looked around the house, it was not a big mess but not ready for company. I started in the kitchen, then vacuumed the living room and most of downstairs. With 15 minutes to go I ran upstairs to get myself cleaned up, no time for a shower so I just did my hair in a pony tail, splashed on some cologne and put on a silk house kimono.

I got in the kitchen and started making a salad when they arrived. It seems his partners girlfriend had left him and he was all shook up. They had a bottle of wine and 2 pizzas. We had pizza and his partner poured a glass of wine for everyone, me included. I told him I was too young to drink and he said he wouldn't arrest me if I drank a glass of wine. I tasted it and almost spit it out. It tasted more like vinegar than anything else. The only alcohol I ever drank before was sweet sake and then I got so sick I wished I could die. My fiance just sipped his and partner finished off the bottle. They talked for a couple of hours, then my fiance said he was going to drive him home because he had drank too much to drive and I should follow so I could drive him home.

I was going to tell him not to do that again without a lot more notice. But, I didn't want to sound like a complaining wife before we were even married so I kept quite. Lucky I did because when we got home he thanked me for being so understanding and slapped me on the butt so I thought we were going to .... After I cleaned up the mess in the kitchen and went upstairs, he was already asleep. What a disappointment, I guess married life will always be like this.

Sorry to be venting, I just needed to say it to someone.

[WildChild]

He sounds like a really good guy. He saw that his friend was in distress and was there for him and he trusts you to be part of the situation. He could have gpne with the friend to a bar or something but he came home to you. When you get a last minute kind of call I really doubt that he is expecting you to clean house and all that.

I'm sure if you did something similar he would be supportive.
You've got a keeper there dear.

[mr.mansview]

I was going to tell him not to do that again without a lot more notice. But, I didn't want to sound like a complaining wife before we were even married so I kept quite. Lucky I did because when we got home he thanked me for being so understanding and slapped me on the butt so I thought we were going to .... After I cleaned up the mess in the kitchen and went upstairs, he was already asleep. What a disappointment, I guess married life will always be like this.

prolly not always,just sometimes..you did a good deed..sometimes silence is golden

[sourpuss]

He sounds like a really good guy. He saw that his friend was in distress and was there for him and he trusts you to be part of the situation. He could have gpne with the friend to a bar or something but he came home to you. When you get a last minute kind of call I really doubt that he is expecting you to clean house and all that.

I'm sure if you did something similar he would be supportive.
You've got a keeper there dear.

totally agree

[Ashlee T.]

I think if it happened regularly, I'd mention it to him just in a very casual way. But in this case, it sounds like he was just doing a good thing for a friend. When I read it, I thought "he couldn't have done it more perfectly". He invited someone into your alls home for dinner and drinks, but he made sure he brought dinner home with him, he was respectful of you by calling and letting you know he had planned this, and then he recognized how well you handled it and thanked you for it. I'm sure it made him feel VERY good about the new living situation, to be able to do something like that for a friend and have your support.

One bit of advice I will give u, is make sure you have a life of your own even though you're living with him. Have your friends over sometimes. Plan things with the girls. If you make him your every ounce of life, you'll start over-analyzing and nit-picking his every action.

I agree with WC. From the sounds of it, you've got a pretty good fella on your hands.

[caterpillar79]

He's a good man - a keeper indeed! And you did well in that situation. I second what BD said about having your "own life" even if you are living with him already. Looks like you've got good things going for you.

[chaya]

I'm ashamed for the things I was thinking last night. I absolutely agree that he was doing the right thing for his friend and partner. He is a policeman, his partner is with him all day every work day. They depend on each other for backup and have become very close. He has a lot of male friends, I don't have any girl friends, I've only been on the mainland for a little over a year. The friends I grew up with are 2500 miles away. The girl friends I made in school last year left for the summer. I changed my major from Oceanography to Nursing this year so our classes are different and I don't see them anymore.

My whole life centers around him, if we broke up I wouldn't have a life. I wouldn't even have a place to live. I'd have nothing to live for. I knew this when i decided to marry him and move in with him. The logical part of me said to wait but I love him and couldn't help myself.

[Ashlee T.]

My whole life centers around him, if we broke up I wouldn't have a life. I wouldn't even have a place to live. I'd have nothing to live for. I knew this when i decided to marry him and move in with him. The logical part of me said to wait but I love him and couldn't help myself.

That may seem romantic now but it will cause problems for you long term if you don't do something about it. There's no reason you can't have both: you're life with him and an identity of your own.

Make friends in your new classes. Nursing students typically get very close as they spend alot of time together. Join a gym. And just because you don't see the people you used to have classes with, doesn't mean you can't still contact them, find them on FB, keep in touch, plan dinners, etc.

It's crucial to your happiness, his happiness, and your happiness as a couple, for you to establish a life and identity of your own.

The first step is getting rid of the notion that without the man you'd have nothing to live for. Thinking like that will not pay off for you hun.

[Hopeless Dork]

One bit of advice I will give u, is make sure you have a life of your own even though you're living with him. Have your friends over sometimes. Plan things with the girls. If you make him your every ounce of life, you'll start over-analyzing and nit-picking his every action.

That advice should be dipped in gold and framed, BD. It was something I needed to hear today so I am glad you said it. I notice lately I've been nit-picking at my boyfriend and being such a bword over stupid stuff... I know deep down its just stress mixed with PMS more than lack of my own life.. I have so much going on... but since he is the only thing going smoothly for me I think I'm overanalyzing ever teeeny tiny bump that wouldn't ordinarily raise an eyebrow out of me. So yeah, completely off topic but... thanks for those words of wisom.

To the OP. Its not how things will always be, has this happened often? It doesn't sound like it has.... to me I would call that a perfect evening minus the fact he fell asleep when you were hoping for some action. But if he was boozing it up, while that puts some guys in the mood it puts others straight to bed. Next time just peel him away from your company and let him know you want him later and maybe he will take it easy on the wine or you can always just let him make it up to you in the morning!!

[chaya]

I was upset that he was asleep after making me believe we were going to ...... He had not been drinking, he only had about 1/4 glass of wine. His partner had drank almost a whole bottle of wine and that's why my fiance drove him home. He was tired from working 10 hours and not getting much sleep the night before.

I've been thinking about things for 2 days now, I don't know why I don't have any friends. I'm always polite to people but girls just don't seem to like me. Sometimes I wonder why my fiance likes me, we have almost nothing in common.

You all are right, my life centers around him. I need to do something but can't think of what to do. Back home, my best friend was my oldest sister and I had a lots of girl and boy friends. Here everything is different and I don't seem to fit in.

We are going to visit his mother this weekend. We've been there before but weren't engaged at the time. This time his mother will be looking at a future daughter in law instead of her son's girlfriend. Last time she seemed to like me, this time might be different.