[Lunar Keiki]

You keep rehashing what was said, what happened before and how you misunderstood his comment. But really that is all irrelevant. You need to stop trying to justify your comment and just accept full responsibility for it so you can try and fix it. If you keep rehashing it here you will do the same when you talk to him and it will take away any of your remorse.

[rcoreyus]

In any relationship people will sometimes make mistakes. If you apologize he should accept it. If he isn't willing to accept an apology, then there are other problems. (and you owe him forgiveness for some dumb thing he does or says in the future).

[Hopeless Dork]

If he can't forgive you for saying 1 not so nice thing in the heat of being upset... this relationship is doomed anyway. It happens, people say things they don't mean, especially when backed into a corner. My boyfriend tells me all the time what a sweetie I am, how I am so nice to him and others and thats one of the things he loves most about me, my gentle heart. But stomp on my heart, back me into a corner and soemtimes i will say some crazy hurtful stuff, unintentionally... its rare, extremely rare that i lose my temper... so when I do -- katie bar the door!

I don't say things when I am mad intentionally to cause hurt, i just speak without a filter, can be sarcastic and insulting without even realizing, just venting my hurt or frustration. If he was like your guy and couldn't forgive stupid words said in the heat of an argument, we would have been done along time ago. Lucky for me, he knows me, he knows the real me... and the real me isnt an insulting person, but a pleasing person.

He loves me enough to see the good in me, even when I am being bad, and I do the same for him... usually people in long term relationships, no matter how loving, we all have our moments where something upsets and we say something , even if its truth, that shouldn't be said, that causes damage to ego, self-esteem, or security within the relationship.

No ones perfect, you can't keep beating yourself up for it, appologise, don't grovel... you don't need to and he shouldn't want you to. Just some day in the future when he says something out of line, hopefully you can react in the way you'd hope he is going to now, with forgiveness and with looking at the whole person and not just one dumb sentence said in a tiff or grouchy moment.

It would be different if you made those kind of statements frequently, it would be different if you didn't treat him like he was the love of your life... actions speak louder than any amount of mispoken words or appologies. If he stays mad its likely not over the 1 comment, but something thats been under the surface bothering him for some time and he was just waiting for any sign of confirmation that you guys were ill matched and see's your statement as that proof.

Say you are sorry, ask him to look at how you treat him , and to ask his own self why you would be with him if it wasn't where you wanted to be. That should be enough for someone that loves you.

[Lunar Keiki]

You know, the more I think about it, the more I think that you didn't say it because you are necessarily insecure about the age difference. When people say stuff like that in the heat of the moment, they usually are gonna say something that will push that person's button. It is human nature. We are always looking to push that very button that will make them the most angry. You are angry and a little hurt so you want them to feel the same way. We do it with parents, with friends, with siblings. I don't think what you did was any worse than what most people do when they are angry--they lash out.

[Ashlee T.]

I think she felt like he was giving her a bit of a hard time about hanging with her friends instead of him. And though she hadn't seen him for a bit, she typically sees him 5 days a week or so, and felt that this one time he should be fine with not being with her so she could spend some time with the gals. I think she felt like she was catching a hard time from him, so she did as many of us do and reacted defensively saying something that really had nothing to do with the situation, but clearly something that causes some insecurity (or it wouldn't have been her choice of words to lash out).

Nonetheless, I agree that if she apologizes and he can't get past it, then the relationship is better to end now than down the road when more incompatibilities arise and more words are said.

I just don't think it's a HUGE deal......and hope he can realize you're human and have your flaws and forgive you.

[Agony_Aunt]

I agreed to go over to his tonight to talk, hopefully things will go okay, and he can realise it was not intentionally ment to hurt him.

It simply was a stupid thing said in the heat of the moment. Wish me luck tonight.

[BabyGirl]

It's best to let it ride for now. You have apologised , hopefully very meekly and heartfelt, rather than defensively.

The issue of your age difference seems to be in both of your minds. Even though you didn't actually say it this way " Neener Neener, I'm Young and can Still Party Hardy , whilst you sit home and play cards with the guys " is probably what he heard reading between the lines. Even if you did not mean it or say it that way. It may very well be what he "Heard".

Which would bring to his mind, that yes, you are Younger and he has a Decade or more on you. He has been thru the stages you are just now going thru. You would party with friends in Bars or Clubs whilst he would rather be at home having a few friends over for a couple of beers and a game of cards or Pictionary or something more mello.

I am sure he has been Hung over before, knows the feeling well. But also may have thought " Glad I've grown out of that Stage".. He may have matured and made decisions to be more responsible and wanting different things in his life, more important ones than Partying till Dawn & Recovering from it, by excluding others until you feel better.

On the other hand what if he went out with the Boy's and Got slammed and then told you he didn't want to see you that day ? How would you feel ?

Would it be that he drank too much and didn't want to spend time with you because he wasn't his best after having such a great time with his Buds in a Club, without you ?

What comes to mind here is that He is ready to settle down to a slower more mature place in his life
( Been There Done That Syndrome) and he realizes that you are just starting the 20~30 Decade. That seems to be a worry with him, if he has asked several times during the relationship if the age difference is bothering you ?

Now ask yourself ... what if you 2 were married ? Would you still have gone out Girls Night Only and then come home and said " I'm Hung Over Honey, I don't want to see you today " ? Or would you have gone out with you Best GF's have a drink or 2 and said " Hey this is great, but i gotta get home to my Man "..

I think that is what may be bothering him on not accepting you apology so easily. He may be thinking of the age difference and experiences now. It very well may be that he is asking himself if he is too " Old " to have someone in his life that doesn't have the same Goals or Maturity?

If Married, you would have still had him say " Sure Honey, Go have your Girl Time, I Trust you , Just come home to me" and had you done that, he would have Empathised and taken care of you during your Hangover and possibly made enough noise to teach you that hangovers are not Fun, as he's been there Done That .

In My Opinion. it is the fact in Yourself, that you spoke your Mind in a state of Intoxication, yes a Hangover is still being Drunk and having Alcohol in your system. It's why you have a hangover, the body is trying to rid it from the effects of alcohol, once the alcohol is all out of your system, is when you feel better and can think clearer and try to recall what you did or said, that takes hours and you may not feel your Best or want to present yourself to others due to the cleansing of the night before.


So, One more time, Apologize, Honestly with the experience you just learned.Tell him what you feel. Tell him How you feel about you and him and your Future.. Then have him & your GF's and His Buddies, all go out or stay in and get to know the Generation Gap and possibly Breach it ..

Remember you won't see your GF's until Christmas Break. Maybe plan a get~2~gether where you all can Party Hardy ..

[respectstepmoms]

Good Luck!

[Agony_Aunt]

I went over to his last night, we talked , and sorted it out

I apologized and explained how I was feeling about the previous days also, and he also had a few things that went wrong while he was away and he'd been looking forward to a little time together to un-wind.
I explained that i don't have an issue with his age and it was all in the heat of the moment.

Everything is back to normal, and we had a great night together

Thanks everyone, for all the support and advice

[Ashlee T.]

Thats good news. I know you're relieved.