[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi foxdana....

You know, your still a beautiful woman... you are saying you wish him all the luck in finding himself...

And, to know the answer why? Can give closure.. I can tell you, so many people do not get that, closure, they continuing living wondering, searching for why? And can't move on.

I don't know how old you are, but at 47, I can tell you, I have found my true soul mate and I know of people that have been married to others without any knowledge what so ever, as people can say, how can't you know? Your blind, you see the "friendship" and mistake that for love, you assume their sexual side, has purely ceased, they are stressed, or not into it any more but the love is clear, but again, that's deep friendship...

It's not easy accepting any separation, when I married it was meant to be forever, but abuse came into my marriage and yes, non sex, or else, just exactly that, no intimacy, maybe secretly there were issues there as well I don't know about... After all he was a virgin until 31..

So don't feel anything other than, this please.... YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL an the right person is out there for everyone in this world..

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Wow lots of months have gone by, forgive me I note you are still viewing threads here how are things?

[Hopeless Dork]

You said your sex life was better in the last few months than it had been in 16 years. For some couples thats progress, for others... it could be a few other factors at play -- it could have been a last ditch effort on his part to try to see if he was able to feel what he couldn't. Or it could be that something else has been fueling some new fantasies etc.. increasing his drive -- especialy if it was him that was distant sexually, then suddenly had a new awakening, and then decides to leave -- it just doesn't seem to be a fluke.

I agree with the others... if a man admits to his WIFE... that he thinks he MIGHT be gay. He is very likely gay. Many men who are 100 percent certain they are gay will deny and hide from themselves and everyone else even if there is picture proof! So him reaching out to tell you that speaks volumes of how strongly he was feeling about it.

You shouldn't feel stupid. You shouldn't feel like you made a mistake. You have 3 beautiful children with this man... and I'm sure you had some happy times over the years. Too often people think of time spent in a relationship now over was time wasted, and it wasn't. You grew as a person and you lived your life in those years. Now, you can move on to the next chapter, find out what life has in store for you. Your kids are almost grown, you can start shifting your focus to what you want in life... what makes you happy.

[foxdana]

We are still apart, he still says hes not gay still and I feel its probably true. I think he lied about it the first time to get an easy break, then felt lost or guilty so came back. I didn't trust him anymore, and couldn't even talk to him then so he left again, now, I'm happy in my own company, the kids are happy and I have no contact with my ex at all. Thanks for the support guys!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You know this can be your daily vent, love your signature do you feel that?

[foxdana]

I do my best! And succeed most of the time!

[Guest]

Firstly, sorry that your relationship has broken up. But as a man that once left a wife and two children I know sometimes there are major reasons. It takes a lot for a man to do this and the guilt is with him for the rest of his life, so there must be some reason why. What age is he? This could be important as he could be having a mid-life crisis? Also, you say sex was good, but ask yourself whether any other areas of the relationship weren't perfect? Hope all works out for you and let us all help you. x

[foxdana]

Firstly, sorry that your relationship has broken up. But as a man that once left a wife and two children I know sometimes there are major reasons. It takes a lot for a man to do this and the guilt is with him for the rest of his life, so there must be some reason why. What age is he? This could be important as he could be having a mid-life crisis? Also, you say sex was good, but ask yourself whether any other areas of the relationship weren't perfect? Hope all works out for you and let us all help you. x

When he left the first time our relationship was good, and I believed him when he said he thought he was gay. When he moved back our relationship was broken beyond repair, that I understand and get why he left the second time, I didn't trust him. I trusted him with everything before he left, I didnt trust him at all when he came back. I just don't get how you can think your gay and 6 weeks later say no your not and go home and put your family through that only to do it again for a different reason, the gay thing is what gets me, was it a total lie or can you chop and change your mind about something so important!!