[steph*]

yes! thats what i thought was gonna work ! ima try to use more communication and c y he is always so rude mayb we can fix it thanks for all ur replys!!! I will definately keep u posted! thanks again!!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He also helps on paying some rent, buying food ect, but i just feel like his attitude is soooo hard to deal with! He has like no respect for me, by calling names just bcuz he is mad! i feel like there is no excuse for calling me names after everything he has put me through.

He's rude because he's trying to work everything through, he is getting some support and as a result he's obtained a job, he's kicked the drugs and he's buying food and paying some rent

What he needs is totally unfortunately at this point in time in any event YOUR support, not gratitude for what you are doing, that will come later... He's still on the road of recovery...

If he is rude, smile, laugh and say yeah okay, not something you like but I do... and change the subject...

Imagine having and addiction, losing everything, starting with losing you, and then starting to climb back up the ladder? Don't you need everyone around you to not stress you?

CW

[steph*]

hey chandlers wish! Thanks for the reply again! Yea I have tried understanding his mood swings and everything but I feel like sometimes he will take advantage of my kindness and be rude. But I will keep trying to have both of us work with our attitudes when we r mad. He is an easy person to talk to but he just has horrible mood swings and temper and thats when i cant talk to him at all! and when we are in a good mood i try to bring something up about something that bothered me thats when he doesnt want to hear it so basically i have no perfect time to talk to him but hopefully as soon as things start to get better for him he can finally give me some understanding and time for me! thank u so much again for the advise!!

[respectstepmoms]

My opinion would be quit making things so convenient for him as you have said you have given him money, car, etc You have wrapped yourself up emotionally If he wants sex hold out and then later say you know I want to make this a relationship and if its one sided I wont be participating. In other words some people cant see how it feels to someone else until they have to be the one being told NO or have a feeling that the partner doesnt care about their opinion or needs. Im sure he is very disappointed in himself and it sounds as if losing the baby may have effected him. Dont be so paaive to forgive and get over things he does so easy make him work for that forgiveness the same as your working for his attention and approval. When he turned to drugs it was from selfish reasons it seems and when you catered to his need and wants when he came back it kept him in a selfish poor me situation. He has got to find his own independance again and self worth again, you see because if his choices he lost everything so he had no control so now his sense of control is through bullying you.

[sourpuss]

If losing you, then you getting pregnant, losing a baby, you and your family bending over backwards to help him, etc. aren't enough for him to wake up and see what he's got and treat you with love and respect....nothing will. I think you've given more than 110% to this relationship and in regards to your title question, it sounds like it will never be about you. You've given 4 years and it's still less than an ok relationship. 4 years of trying is long enough to know that it's not going to change. You can't take care of him forever, that's his job and he can't even do that with everyone around him helping him out. Do you really want to spend the next 4 years doing this same thing? Then where will you be? How long is long enough to try and try and try? That's the question you have to ask yourself.

[Little_Miss_Me]

I have thought about being single and i see myslef happier but at the same time i do love him but idk if im in love with him???

any advise please???

If you don't know if you're in love, you're not. It's kinda like an orgasm. YOU KNOW.

He sounds like a loser you shouldn't waste your time with, honestly. And as for the title of your thread. It'll be about you when you give yourself the self-respect you deserve. If you're putting his needs before yours, why shouldn't he put his before yours? You're showing him it's okay to put his needs over yours, and he's following that path. Take charge and start giving a about yourself.

He only pleasures himself? Go buy a vibrator and let him know until he can give you what it gives you, tough luck.

If just saying sorry doesn't cut it internally, make sure he KNOWS that. Show him "sorry" isn't enough. Actions speak louder than words, and if you really want him to be sorry, don't accept a simple apology.

And if he can't get a job.... No way. I get the economy is tough. But he should be a man. He shouldn't be relying on you and your parents' incomes. It's not even fair that you allow him to put you through such stress, but your sweet parents too?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

a counselor is helping him thats why he hasnt used drugs in the past 5months. There has been some things that have definitely changed, like him getting a job again and becoming a little more responsible of his actions. He also helps on paying some rent, buying food ect, but i just feel like his attitude is soooo hard to deal with! He has like no respect for me, by calling names just bcuz he is mad!

Hey guys He has quit drugs for 5 months, is seeing a counselor, has a job now, paying some rent, buying food...

I think if he was taking drugs to the extent of losing his car, losing his job, everything and has worked himself back up to get 50% back on track so far, then he is "mad" with himself, for going down that road to start with and part of him, is having withdrawl symptoms...

But, having said that, if after you guys broke up, and he wasn't there for the mis-carriage, mentally, and emotionally he went down hill, into drugs, then there is a deeper problem I believe that is, that in losing, he gets mad, turns to something to relieve it, the pain.. It's good that he's seeing a counsellor there are strong signs of weakness there within him, his nature and I hope they can toughen him up, strengthen him.

I'm just saying that give it a little more time... If after a few more months he still shows no respect, calls you names, puts you down, then you've done all you can to pull him back up again, without success ...

To me, we give because we want to not to get anything back in return...

But, also to me, respect is highly important, we should command it, because we are just as important as the other person..

CW