[Lyra]

Hello everyone,

I'm new here and there's something that keeps my mind occupied and it's bothering me.

Me and my ex-boyfriend have had a relationship for 2,5 years which has ended 3 years ago. It was really hard for me in the beginning but we still had contact almost every day and we still went to bed with each other. Even when he had new girlfriends. (I know that I should not help him cheat). During the 3 years he went abroad for 3 months and I for 6 months and the contact wasn't that much any more. Maybe once in a month that we talk to each other now.

He's now been together with a girl for over a year now. She knows I'm his only other serious relationship and he told here that I'm always going to be special for him so she doesn't want him to have any contact with me. But we're still talking to each other and until September we still had sex with each other. He tries to end this. I'm not sure why but he told me something about a talk with his dad who told him that at one point in your life you have to start getting serious and about the possibility he will lose he's job if he and his girlfriend break up (they work together).

I thought I would be fine with this but it's becoming really hard for me. I saw him last weekend on a quiz we both went. (I didn't know he was participating and so did he.) And afterwards I felt so bad. We just had some small talk and he thought it went great but that was just because I was trying not to show how I feel. He also told me he wanted to text me to meet afterwards alone but he restrained himself.

I try to tell myself he's no right fit for me. And I try to find things why he's no good for me but the only thing I can come up with is the fact he doesn't like to travel by plain because of the fact he is scared of flying. We tried to talk about it but every time I'm saying that I don't want him back because I know all the things he did to his girlfriends after me (not that he did any of those things to me in our relationship) and I don't know if I could trust him. And then he says something that it would not work because too much has happened between us and he has an agreement with his best friend that the both of them wont start a new relationship with the one serious ex girlfriends they have had.

I really don't know what to do. On one point I went on with my life and I had a new boyfriend but this didn't work out (not because of my ex) and I was sure I was over him but I was wrong. (When this relationship was almost over he asked me to try again with him but I refused.) I know that not having any contact would be the best but I tried this already (for 9 months) and it's not that we are having that much contact now but still I'm thinking about him everyday. He also asked me if we would still have contact if one of us would move to an other country because he doesn't want me out of his leave completely. And I have also thought about the fact he's maybe using me but we have been in a lot of fights since we broke up and I have been a really . So if it was just for the sex he could have easily found someone that is easily pleased.

I can't talk about this with my friends because they don't understand. So that's why I'm doing my story here. Thanks for reading it.

[Lunar Keiki]

Not sure exactly what you are looking for. You don't sound like you want to end it and I am not exactly sure why you broke up to begin with. I don't think there is ever a justification for cheating and if you can't help yourself then you should just stay away from him completely. I really don't blame his girlfriend for saying she doesn't want him to see you. It isn't fair what he is doing to her or what he does to any woman he dates since he won't let you go completely. What exactly do you want? To be with him, not to be with him, be a friend with benefits? Would you want to be in the position of having your boyfriend see his ex like the two of you are currently doing?

[Ashlee T.]

The best thing you could do for yourself is cut all ties with this guy totally. It's been too long for you to still be hanging on to this. And clearly as long as you're hanging on, you're not going to make room in your heart for someone else. Isn't it strange how he had no problem moving on? Yes, he still contacts you....but why wouldn't he? He knows you, you're comfortable, you'll sleep with him......... then he has his cake and gets to eat it too.

If you keep hanging on to this, it's not going to get any better. You've got to let it go. If he's calling another girl his girlfriend, and you're his little side dish......he is NOT the guy for you. Wouldn't you rather be someone's entree/main course?

[Hopeless Dork]

He sounds like a guy that is not that strong in the fidelity department... but is trying to turn a new leaf and you are not going to make that easy for him by making yourself available to him, by contacting him and trying to promote him continuing an affair with you. You said he's tried to end it with you, but you remain. You said the only reason you think he's not right for you is disagreements about travel but... you seem to bypass him not being right for you because... he isn't single. That right there should be the deal breaker for you. He has a girlfriend. Yes you were together a long time, Yes, you were there first... but he moved on. He may run to you when they argue or for some old famiar sex with someone he knows is all about him. You are currently serving as an ego boost, something on the back burner.

Just how long or would you be comfortable being his mistress indefinately? What if he and this girl get married, have kids... do you plan on still just staying dedicated to him, texting and emailing him... and being available for a romp if the mood hits him? Thats no good for you, you need to realize your own personal worth... and you deserve to be someones partner not their fallback plan.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It sounds to me that you both had amazing chemistry between each other, but not compatible as two people, relationship wise hence why you broke up...

And, that, because of that chemistry, he has continued to come back for more..

But, for you, you think it's "ok" to continue to sleep with him because no one has ever meant as much to him as you have, so you have a right they don't right? But yet, what is bringing him back is the chemistry.. His Father is correct in making the call to call it quits. But your ex, knows you had another relationship but you weren't in love with that guy and that makes him feel great, because it means it's still "him"... and he can't let go because, he wants to still own you whilst doing what ever he wants, hence if you move away, he moves away, he still wants contact, to own you, so you don't fall in love an find someone better than him and he becomes a memory.


It's control.

There is no way you can find someone else yourself and fall in love whilst you continue to put this guy on a pedestal and believe that he is the only love, your missing the only thing you knew.

The only way to change that is to let go... and trust me you will find someone better, much better and wonder why you allowed your body to be there when ever he needed it instead of being there when you needed a shoulder.

CW