[swimgirl18]

Recently I have been harbouring some jealous and paranoid feelings towards my boyfriend of 1 year. We spend majority of our time together, but when he has plans with friends or goes out after work I find myself wondering what he's up to and often text him or call him a number of times throughout the night. This is because I sometimes notice that his facts don't always match up and when I question him about it he gets quite defensive and awkward and accuses me of thinking he's cheating. He tells me he loves me all the time and is always doing nice things for me, and he has been cheated on before so he tells me he could never do that to me and assuers me it could never happen, but he works with a lot of attractive women and I guess I feel a little threatend by this.

Can anyone offer any advice to my situtation?

[Guest]

As a man, who was in a similar situation, this boils down to trust....you trusting him and honesty....him being honest with you. It also screams insecurity on your part.

Most men in committed relationships are not cheaters. Most men in committed relationships know how good they've got it and don't want to do anything to screw that up. Most men in committed relationships are there for two reasons; because they want to be and because they love their partner.

ALL men will be driven insane by the insecurity shown by a partrner who calls or texts them all of the time when they are out with their buddies, at work, in meetings or whatever. So, unless you have a solid reason to continue this behavior (like he's cheated on you before), stop your behavior before you drive this man away. We can only take so much...even from the woman that we love.

I was in a similar situation, worked in a field where I made contact with lots of women, though I seldom went out with my buddies, spent most of my available time with her (would go home and do my reports/paper work after spending the entire evening together and only after she had headed off to bed) and she still suspected/believed that I was doing something inappropriate.

It made me crazy.... Don't make your man crazy... Unless you want him to leave.

[Heratbrokengirl]

I use to be the same position once upon a time and believe me it drove the man crazy lol,

You need to RELAX! If he has never cheated on you before then let him have his space and time with his friends. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

What if he kept ringing you and texting you (you may like it for a while) but if he has a suspicious mind and your doing nothing wrong then you too will be going mad.

If a guy is going to cheat he will cheat no matter how much you ring or text him you wont be able to control that - but if he does then what goes around comes around sweety and liars and cheats always get Caught so you will find out one day if he is doing so.

For the time being, dont push him away, enjoy your relationship and trust him and dont be so insecure or suspicious minded. Keep occupied which will take your mind off of him.

[Colorado]

Wow, are y'all right - Jellousy will drive the proverbial stake in the heart of any relationship!

Try trust first - then, if he ever gives a reason to not trust him, it's time to reconsider.
I personally lost someone I cared very deeply for when I was lots younger due to my overwhelming jellousy, and after things went deep south with us, I decided I will never be jellous of anyone again, unless I have good reason to. it's not worth it.

[hoops]

Mutual trust is important to any good relationship. Perhaps you can take advantage of your time apart by meeting up with you friends or doing something on your own?

...but he works with a lot of attractive women and I guess I feel a little threatend by this.

I say, give him a chance. But maybe just watch out for his work holiday party. ;-)

[swimgirl18]

Thank you so much everybody! You're opinions have been very helpful and I will definitely try to just enjoy my relationship and lose the jealousy/paranoia. You are all right and I know that he loves me. Thanks again!

[Calicorado83]

I find myself feeling the way you feel a lot of the time....jealous, threatened by other beautiful women he may be around, paranoid....it really all does just boil down to the way you feel about yourself. You have some insecurities you need to deal with if he hasn't cheated on you. If the situation has been that he's cheated on you, then it would be more of a trust thing with a bit of insecurity coming from that. But if you are confident about yourself, your man will find that sexy and attractive and he'll love that about you. (It's one less thing he has to deal with!) I cannot say I have my own advice mastered! Ha! I have to tell myself this everyday....I nit pick on myself about every little thing! Love handles when I wear too tight jeans, a pimple, maybe I'm having a bad hair day and SHE's not and he notices that, a jelly roll when I sit down, does he like my feet? It's crazy that we will be our own worst critic. It's absurdity at it's finest what we will pick on ourselves about. But trusting him until he gives you reason not to (and trusting him means NOT looking for reasons not to!) is the best thing you can do for your relationship. By trusting him, he'll feel confident about the relationship. He won't destroy that if he knows whats good for him. Give him the benefit of the doubt, don't run him out.

[fkmackay2]

the problem is that if some one asked you about your details of an evening in precision your facts wouldnt match up either. its pretty hard to be exact. unless he does something to make you not trust him you have to trust him. i am currently working through problems with a similar issue and also porn watching, i cant stand it. but hold your head high and just think how hurt u would be if he asked u all the time n you had done nothing wrong. hope that helps
xxx

[Elsabe]

Think back to the first time when you became aware that you felt jealous and paranoid. What happened in that moment? What was the reason why you felt those emotions? Then think carefully about the reasons that you had in that moment to feel trusting and secure. You may have to think hard, but you will find those positive reasons as well. You may find that for some reason in that moment you chose to ignore the reasons for feeling trusting and secure, and now you are fixated on the jealousy and paranoia. Once you have found the balance in your mind, you will feel better about yourself and about your relationship. Your man will feel less nervous about your reactions, and your relationship in general wll improve.